Sergio Leone Web Board
Other/Miscellaneous => Off-Topic Discussion => Topic started by: Simon on May 28, 2004, 03:54:27 PM
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OK, this should be fun.
What's the worst film you have ever seen? One that makes you angry just thinking about it. Or one that made you walk out of the cinema?
There are a few all right, but I particulary hated What Dreams May Come with Robin Williams. Way over the top in slushy sentiment, terrible corny dialogue, awful lazy performance from Williams. Ahhhhhh! No more!! I cannot go on!!
It's over to you.......
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Not exactly the worst film I've ever seen but by far the most overrated would have to be the Matrix.
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Hard to pick the worst, but I truly hate the last three Michael Bay films: Armageddon, Pearl Harbour, and Bad Boys 2. There are also several lousy comedies, such as Dude, Where's My Car. One of the most overpraised films of recent years must be Black Hawk Down, and this comes from a Ridley Scott fan.
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Morricone actually wrote the score for What Dreams May Come, but it was rejected.
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Definitely two MST3K-films: "Invasion of the Neptune Men" and "Manos: The Hands of Fate".
"Charlie's Angels" was also extremely stupid and boring, but perhaps THE worst non-MST'd film I've ever seen is "Pokemon: The First Movie". :o
And I also think "The Matrix" is utterly moronic. :P
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waterworld.
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I must be the only person in the world who actually enjoyed Waterworld. I can clearly see that there is an extreme lack of quality in this film, but I really enjoy it nevertheless.
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waterworld.
oh yes definately.
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The only film I ever walked out of was a Peter Sellers film that was just atrocious, not funny at all, don't even remember the name of it. And I like Peter Sellers a lot, lol.
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The worst film i've ever seen at the cinema is Kill Bill vol 2
Even the flinstones i enjoyed more.
Theres been loads of shite films made, most of the spaghettis are up there, but one film that is just that crap its one of the funniest film you'll see, and thats Enter the Ninja with Django himself Franco Nero.
Now thats a bad film.
Its always on sky, i might watch it the next time it's on.
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i gotta pick xxx, that crappy excuse for a film by vin diesel. i hate that guy so much, there is not a day that goes by that i don't think about kicking that guy square in the nuts for what he has done to films. where have all the geniouses went :'(
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Final Destination.. actually pick any teen-slasher.
Actually Mall Spawn movies in general >:(
Pearl Harbour somebody at work was far too happy about the prospect of lending me this once. How could i refuse... ::)
I wanted to insert the faux old book packaging up his nose the next day, and introduce his head to the office photocopier.
The Matrix. too painfully long for what it does.
Your right Groggy.
Something really rubs me up the wrong way about it all that shades and kung-fu. A computer programmer's oxy-moronic cool.
Seven looks alot more clever than the MTV advert it actually is.
Sorry.. I think you just asked for one.. so much hate.. so much hate.. ;D
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Haunted Mansion is a recent disappointment to me. Especially after Pirates. Smoker we will have to agree to disagree on Seven. Very good movie.
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Armageddon.
Absolute bollocks and the reason why i hate so many american blockbusters.
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Django Strikes again, is another corker.
The Mission, another pile of crap.
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I really intensely disliked Jerry Maguire. I thought it was Hollywood at its absolute worst. And pretty much anything by Michael Bay. The Rock was an unwatchable mess - talk about terrible direction, with perhaps the worst filmed car chase in recent years, and Pearl Harbour, my God...
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three movies come to mind... and the great part is they are all so bad that it's funny and actually enjoyable to watch... one of those so bad they are good things...
1. Roller Boogie... ROCKET!!!!... enter black man with pony tail in a pink jump suit... one of the funniest movies i've ever seen, but because it was unintentionally funny it doesn't count.
2. Plan 9 from outer space... I usually like these old sci fi b-movies... but even for the genre this one is horrible
3. Van Helsing... c'mon... frankenstein, dracula, and the wolfman all put into one shitload of a story...
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Well, I could really enjoy Michael Bay's The Rock (keeping in mind that it is what it is), but the rest especially Pearl Harbour is just plain bad. I've never seen so many talent wasted so badly. I think he's got a beautiful visual style, but the story and plot is always so over the top and corny as hell.
The worst film I've seen this year was The League of Extraordinairy Gentlemen. Connery, please be a bit more careful about which roles to pick!
Indeed, the Matrix films are some of the most overrated films from the past years. And about Black Hawk Down, it was the only time ever that I was doubting to walk away from theater (which I didn't, but should have).
But a few that will be etched in my memory forever as some of the worst ever are: Hercules in New York (with the debuting Governator), The Killer Tomatoes Eat France (but it's ok, because it knows itself) and Street Fighter.
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I STRONGLY agreeg with the Michael Bay bashing going on here. I'm glad to see so many others have as intense a hatred of Bay as I do. His films irritate me to no end. I think what irrates me the most about his films is that the general public seems to not be able to get enough of his crap. There are a number of equally bad directors out there, but his films always manage to be huge blockbusters, ensuring that he'll get to make more crap.
There are tons of just plain bad or ineptly made films out there (Plan 9, Zombie Lake, Kazam, etc...), but one of my favorite BAD movies that should have been better is the Demi Moore version of THE SCARLET LETTER. Did anyone see this? Hollywood took a classic novel and then added sex, vilolence, and a happy ending. However, it has a fantastic score by John Barry.
Others worth mentioning, where good people or big budgets produced crap:
Batman & Robin
Cutthroat Island
Battlefield Earth
Rollerball (remake)
Wild Wild West
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The Return Of The King
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RETURN OF THE KING, eh?
That's a pretty bold statment right there, but I have to agree that it was my least favorite of the trilogy (TWO TOWERS was the best). I'm not a fan of the books, and maybe that's why I didn't agree with the rest of the world that this was the best of the three films.
The end of the film is what drove me the craziest. It seemed like it was just lasting forever, with all of the slow-motion hugging that wouldn't stop.
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"The Funeral" with Christopher Walken. I fell sleep in cinema.
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Too many to mention!
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How's about this one:
Independence Day = Huge pile of steaming elephant shite.
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The Fifth Element is a film, which while I don't find it terribly bad, annoys me that so many people think it's good. It's practically the definition of mediocre.
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Don't know if it's worst film ever, but for me it's more of a guilty pleasure - "Stone Cold", the film debut of the immortal Brian "Da Boz" Bosworth. Co-starring Lance Henriksen as "Chains", and William Forsythe of OUATIA fame as "Ice".
My favorite scene is where Chains has Da Boz try on a bulletproof vest, then quickly blasts him with a .44 magnum to see if it works.
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PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE. "all you of earth are idiots"
snappy-peppy dialog.
KRACKATOEA, EAST OF JAVA. had to be carried out of
theater by stretcher.
MR. MIKE'S MONDO VIDIO. sid vicious sings sinatra's
"my way".
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Matrix Revolutions comes to mind (i like the first 2)
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The Cell
Mission Impossible 2
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I simply stopped watching bad movies about a year ago. I think I have developed this "knee-cap-feeling" about films - sort of when oldtimers know there's a storm coming.
But, alas! - sometimes it fails and when the hangovers are too big, sometimes you just gotta watch some light entertainment in your home cinema. But jeeez - Terminator 3 - I don't know how I got talked into watching that piece of absolute crap. Stay away from it!
Another VERY big dissapointment to me was Alien 4. I would have thought Jeunet could have done better.
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Have to say, the worst film(s) I ever saw, was a double-bill back in the late 60's. The first one, and I swear this is true was called, BILLY THE KID VS. DRACULA! And the second part of the bill was called, and again I swear this is true, JESSE JAMES MEETS FRANKENSTEINS DAUGHTER!. DREADFUL SHLOCK! BOTH WERE DIRECTED BY A MAN CALLED WILLIAM "ONE-SHOT" BEAUDINE! Ah, what sweet dreams they gave me. Yup, they don't make em like that anymore! :o
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Have to say, the worst film(s) I ever saw, was a double-bill back in the late 60's. The first one, and I swear this is true was called, BILLY THE KID VS. DRACULA! And the second part of the bill was called, and again I swear this is true, JESSE JAMES MEETS FRANKENSTEINS DAUGHTER!. DREADFUL SHLOCK! BOTH WERE DIRECTED BY A MAN CALLED WILLIAM "ONE-SHOT" BEAUDINE! Ah, what sweet dreams they gave me. Yup, they don't make em like that anymore! :o
bill beaudine was famous for one take. cut ! print ! let's move on too the next scene people !
i would venture to say "one-shot's" home movies exceeded his actual work. his worst of the worst, in my book, would be "robot-monster". here, we have an alien dressed up in a gorilla costume wearing a deep-sea diver's helmet who lives in a cave filled with bubbles floating around. i should think, at this point , kermit should "move on", and "get a life" !!!!
never-the-less so should have old "one-shot" ;D
BELKIN, i too have seen BILLY THE KID VS. DRACULA.
all i can say is be FORE-WARNED ! lol
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the worst films are the American Pie movies and all the other teenie-flicks....
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the worst films are the American Pie movies and all the other teenie-flicks....
From a mainstream studio.....MACKENNA'S GOLD (1969), without a doubt.
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Any of the Lord of the Rings or Matrix films, what utter crap
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How's about this one:
Independence Day = Huge pile of steaming elephant shite.
Mock voice
The thing i liked about Independence Day is even the aliens are apple mac download compatible. Please god.. lift me up out of this illusion. :-\
Roland Emmerich should not make movies he should dig ditches. Universal Soldier, Godzilla anyone? Goodnight
P.S. Godzilla was a 2 hour long ad for Kodak
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Theres always more than one, Austin Powers 2 is up there with em anyway.
Any one else think the wild bunch is well over rated ?
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Me - its good but more groundbreaking than a truly great film, Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid is better IMO. and leone's middle four westerns - FAFDM, GBU and OUATITW are better. ;D
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yeah the wild bunch is overrated in my opinion bucth cassidy and the magnificant seven are way better. and so are eastwoods westerns
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The Wild Bunch overated, never in a million years, the best non Leone western of them all!
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8) Amigos...! I LOVE THIS TOPIC!! nowadays it is so difficult to find good movies and I think I have probably seen more bad films than good. so many to list.... here goes!!!
DUNGEONS & DRAGONS: THE MOVIE
TITANIC
VAN HELSING
THE FIFTH ELEMENT
PEARL HARBOUR
SPAWN
CHARLIE'S ANGELS
GONE WITH THE WIND
GODZILLA (1998, Emmerich)
THE THIN RED LINE
STREET FIGHTER (Van Damme)
PERFECT BLUE (Anime)
JACKIE BROWN
THE AVENGERS
POLICE ACADEMY (All 600 of them!)
BATMAN & ROBIN
THE 6TH DAY
DEEP IMPACT
MEN IN BLACK
THE FAST & THE FURIOUS
THE LION KING
SMOKEY & THE BANDIT
GREASE
HARRY POTTER (...and the whatever...)
CRYING FREEMAN: THE MOVIE
SUPER MARIO BROS
.... ah, the list goes on and on. but above is the selection of celluloid waste that I wouldn't even line my cat's litter tray with. if anyone is angered or wishes to know why, just say so. it's all a laugh anyway eh?
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NATURAL BORN KILLERS
FOREST GUMP
CHARLIE'S ANGELS 2
LADDER 49
FAHRENHYPE 9/11(Not The 2004 Michael Moore Film, The Rebuttal)
FULL METAL JACKET
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE(remake)
THE GRUDGE
THE RING
THE MATRIX TRILOGY
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What's wrong with Full Metal Jacket? (Agree with you on most of the others BTW).
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belkin, you've seen Billy the kid vs dracula!!!
when i saw a poster for this film this summer, i couldn't believe it was a real movie... but you've seen it! can you tell me more about that... thing?
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I hate FMJ because of the performances, how the film goes from the boot camp to Vietnam, and how the song "Going to the chapelle and Gunna get married" is in the film. I Hate any film that has that song.
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belkin, you've seen Billy the kid vs dracula!!!
when i saw a poster for this film this summer, i couldn't believe it was a real movie... but you've seen it! can you tell me more about that... thing?
Oh man! It is sooo hard to explain! I sat in a packed cinema back in the late 60's and it's the only movie I've ever watched (in public) where you could hear a pin drop! Everybody was glued to the screen (even the ice-cream lady), stunned beyond belief! The story I could never describe (and i've seen the damm thing). I live in hope that they will release a DVD directors cut so I can sit my friends down and make them suffer the way I did on that balmy summer's evening all those years ago! :'(
There is a VHS version available from the site below.....if you dare!
http://www.moviesunlimited.com/musite/product.asp?mscssid=FKXDTG4AGGKK9GUEGV7BUWAH4DC48RRD&sku=091540
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Toys.
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Matrix Reloaded
Matrix Revolutions
The Blair Witch Project
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Somebody mentioned "Billy the Kid Vs. Dracula"? That would go on my list too, LOL! I watched it on AMC one morning, it was just the absolute stupidest thing every created by man (has to be). Like when Billy the Kid incapicitates Dracula by throwing his empty pistol at him, after shooting him six times to no affect . . . ::) Poor John Carradine, he could be such a good actor.
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8) hola you crazy gringos! you know something? I actually want to watch this BILLY THE KID vs. DRACULA movie! I can't believe I've never heard of it until now. it probably is the steaming pile of puppy poo that you say it is but that's the whole point! like I've mentioned before, I have seen so many bad movies and am so drenched in movie-lore (like so many of you guys) that I feel I must see a bad movie once in a while just to remind myself how lucky I am for the movies of Leone et al...
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BTK vs Dracula reminded me.....
"Plan 9 From Outer Space" by the legendary Ed Wood, saw it on a Creature Features one night hosted by a zombie looking guy called Zacherly who was a charcter himself. Its coverd in "ED WOOD" with Johnny Depp.
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"Crash" by David Cronenberg
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How about TATTOO, starring that sonofabi**h who shot THE DUKE in the back in THE COWBOYS.....BRUCE DERN! Bad movie or what! Even my popcorn n' coke fell asleep!
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"terror in a texas town." sterling hayden dosn't wear a
gun in showdown, sterlying's choice of weapons ? a ridiculously huge harpoon. i mean a showdown with a harpoon for pete's sake. heavy equipment tracks in the mud. highway in background full of moving cars.
not every western features a man walking the length of main street to face down the killer of his father... with
a harpoon.
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Anybody remember this mess? Saw it as lower half of double bill with THE BIG BOSS, way back! :o
A Taste of Hell-1973
Half Corpse... All Killer
The screen rolls in...a vibrant yellow font appears to you and reads: Philippines 1942. You become unfamiliar with your surroundings as you discover your no longer in America. This low budget WW2 epic depicts a group of Philippine militia warring with the more powerful and violent Japanese army. Your introduced to Barry played by John Garwood who is the platoon leader, and when he fails to give up his post to the Japanese he is shot and rolls into a ditch. Traveling down a hill and into a murky lake, Garwood becomes a victim of his own demise. Disfigured and partially mutilated the platoon leader makes it back to the barrio discovering that in the months of his absence life has gone on without him.
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I'm gonna have to go with Jersey Girl. I hated everything about this film. Why do you think Kevin Smith is all of the sudden going back to a clerks film again. To regain his audience after Jersey Girl. I have a feeling Affleck won't be used anytime soon in one of his films. 8)
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and how the song "Going to the chapelle and Gunna get married" is in the film. I Hate any film that has that song.
Yeah that is a fair point.
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Just watched FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA's DEMENTIA 13 (1963).....UGH!!!!!
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Just remembered one:
Terror Peak
Saw it at work when I had nothing better to do. Terrible acting, terrible plot, and as for the CG effects... they had a computer generated landscape in a shot of a helicopter flying over a hill!
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The Odd Couple III:The Final Conflict
Starring Steven Segal and Ice Cube
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There are lot's of truly crappy mainstream movies that I won't bother to list. What gets me are the cool looking "underground" films that turn out to be huge let downs. One in particular that I rented a few years ago:
Zachariah (1971)
It was billed as the first Rock and Roll Western, and was written by the Firesign Theatre guys (usually very funny) and featured Joe Walsh and The James Gang and Country Joe and The Fish! Man, I thought this would be so good, but I was sooooooooooooooo wrong. It SUCKED ASS!
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Theres been loads of shite films made, most of the spaghettis are up there, but one film that is just that crap its one of the funniest film you'll see, and thats Enter the Ninja with Django himself Franco Nero.
Now thats a bad film.
What's funny is I watched it sometime back and I realized it was ripping off the classic western, Shane.
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For being such an allegedly good movie, I thought "Enternal Sunshine..." was BORING.
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anything that is a remake or a sequl
dollars trilogy withstanding
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Kermit, including Godfather Part 2, Terminator 2 and Three Colours Red and White??
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They were all pretty much covered, but if I was to choose a movie I seen recently - Merchant of Venice.
By the way, does anybody here remember Battlefield Earth? ;)
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Hum... Well, I think the worst film ever made is Mars Attacks!. They took a few superstars (like Tom Jones or Pierce Brosnan) and put them into a horrible story.
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I love Mars Attacks. Tim Burton is another guy with a golden touch. Watched Big Fish the other day. Beautiful! The Half Soldier even blubbed.
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i thought marrs attacks had a pretty good story, but , then again, i also liked curse of the undead
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Kermit, including Godfather Part 2, Terminator 2 and Three Colours Red and White??
sorry DJIMBO. you make a very good point. i should't have said what i said. :'(
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There are lot's of truly crappy mainstream movies that I won't bother to list. What gets me are the cool looking "underground" films that turn out to be huge let downs. One in particular that I rented a few years ago:
Zachariah (1971)
It was billed as the first Rock and Roll Western, and was written by the Firesign Theatre guys (usually very funny) and featured Joe Walsh and The James Gang and Country Joe and The Fish! Man, I thought this would be so good, but I was sooooooooooooooo wrong. It SUCKED ASS!
Zachariah ? never heard of it spag fan, but i'll have to check this one out given the film's lack of merits. ;D
be interresting to see this movie get made again.
the heretofore ying might meet up with it's yang
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Worst film ever would have to be Scary Movie. Worst film I have watched recently is Zoolander. So many people have told me that they loved both those movies. Either I have a sense of humour deficit, or they are WRONG! Badly wrong.
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sorry DJIMBO. you make a very good point. i should't have said what i said. :'(
to be honest 99% of sequels are worse than the originals so the general rule is right (u just gotta look at those highlander sequels) its just there are always exceptions that prove the rule. ;D
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Liquid Sky circa '82...
I love cinema but this is the only film I ever walked out on...
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The Blair Witch Project- easily the worst film I have ever seen.
Knock Off-bad even for a Van Damne movie
Wild Wild West- a true insult to fans of the TV classic
Godzilla( american remake) -just ...yuck.
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House of 1,000 Corpses. The only reason I finished it was so I could be certain that it COMPLETELY sucked. Apparently enough White Zombie fans saw it that it's getting a sequel... (barf!).
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Of course nobody here ever heard of this, but it is my worst movie (watched on tv):
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063139/
And the only time I was about to get out of the theatre at half time was with Woody Allen's Annie Hall.
I solved the problem of sitting through a film by not going to the cinema anymore.
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I agree Wild Wild West was baaaaaad. Bad knock off of a Western.
Mars Attacks was horrible. Starship troopers I asked my friend to turn off at his house. The Relic I walked out on. Pearl Harbor (the new Ben Affleck) turned imfemous attack into a soap opera
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Bay Of Blood directed by Mario Bava
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the only movie that i walked out of in a theatre(which i guess would be titled "THE WORST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN") would be KINGDOM COME with whoopie goldberg.
utter trash without an inkling of a doubt
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Thanks to HBO & Cinemax........I have the opportunity to see a lot of lousy movies.
I saw "Taxi" the other night...w/ Jimmy Fallon & Queen Latifah.......& it's absolutely dreadful....simply one of the biggest piles of poop ever filmed.
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the original French film TAXI was cool. 8)
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Any of the "Billy Jack" movies by Tom Laughlin do it for me.
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There are quite a few films I've walked out of at the movies. CAN SHE BAKE CHERRY PIE? (who cares, the film is unwatchable), DROWNING BY NUMBERS (don't get me started on Peter Greenaway!! Aaaaaaaaagh!! His films are shite!!), and lots of French films.
However, even though I never walked out of it (I was with a girl who seemed to be enjoying it), I am glad to see that I am not the only one so far who thought INDEPENDENCE DAY is the biggest deluge of diarrhea ever excreted by Hollywood. Fucking awful rubbish from start to its seemingly never forthcoming ending.
And no. I didn't get the girl either. A thoroughly miserable night out. :'(
Mind you, I haven't seen VAN HELSING yet...
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Juan, Van Helsing is pretty bad although Kate Beckinsale is some attractive eye candy, especially at the dance scene.
My vote for worst film ever: Dorm Daze. It's a National Lampoon movie so I thought it might be good, but it was brutal. And of course, since its so bad, guess what?, they're making a sequel.
makes sense, doesn't it?
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I agree Wild Wild West was baaaaaad. Bad knock off of a Western.
Mars Attacks was horrible. Starship troopers I asked my friend to turn off at his house. The Relic I walked out on. Pearl Harbor (the new Ben Affleck) turned imfemous attack into a soap opera
Its refreshing to hear such a cult favorite like starship troopers get canned, because it is aweful... and wild wild west was such a disgrace to both will smith(what happened to the fresh prince of old?) and the western... but mars attacks is a good movie, jack nicholson is president and james brown is a boxer who kills aliens, what else do you need?
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VAN HELSING is fucking appalling! I was close to tears watching it, it was a painful experience.
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Taking Lives
have you ever been in the videoshop and you cant find anything you like? theres just nothing interesting there, but youve been looking for like a half hour so you better rent something, annyway, i though, how about taking lives? what a predictable piece of sh!t film that was, what a terrible, terrible film, directed by a terrible terrible "tv-show' director, the only reason i kept watching was because i was waiting for the surprise, waiting.. waiting .. then the credits rolled, i was very close to asking my money back on that one
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I honestly don't hate "Independence Day"; it's a stupid but fun film IMO. However, the "Godzilla" film by the same two guys . . . now THAT is utter crap.
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:'( as much as i know GODZILLA is bad...
I LOVE IT :-*
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The one that come to mind off hand is The Ninth Gate. How could the same guy that did Chinatown make that?! Also I remember watching a movie at my friends house called Tank Girl which i think actually lowered my intelligence.
Some of the most dissapointing movies that come to mind are Tim Burten's Planet of the Apes and Francis Ford Coppala's Dracula.
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I quite liked Tank Girl, in an insipid but fun way.
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All I remember was the thought of disbelief that I had actually sat through the whole thing.
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I actually liked The Ninth Gate. Everything falls apart toward the end, but the build-up is fun to watch. Johnny Depp gives a good, understated performance as Corso, the somewhat corrupt book dealer.
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The Ninth Gate wasnt bad at all
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Sorry, but I did not like it. I guess it was mostly the ending that bothered me. Maybe it was the fact that the whole movie was building toward a cool conclusion, (and not building in a very good way), and when the ending finally came it just ended, and nothing interesting happened. I just felt like I had wasted my time watching it.
I just remembered another one. That Steve Martin movie Novacain. And that I saw in the theatre. Just terrible. Of course the last couple movies I mentioned people actually liked, so who knows, maybe this one's just me too.
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"Revenge of the Sith" is easily the worst film I have seen in recent years.
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Cinderella Man was dreadful! I Should have known better.
Walk The Line was also disapointing.
Anyone seen Capote yet?
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Capote was ok, interesting performace by Hoffman.
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Well, even if i haven't seen Billy the Kid vs Dracula yet, i have to say that MY worst film ever is "beyond the law"... the actor is supposed to have play in a few clitn eastwood movies... still, interesting to see;)
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"beyond the law"... the actor is supposed to have play in a few clitn eastwood movies... still, interesting to see;)
you mean the Lee Van Cleef spag?
or is this another movie with the same name.
I like "Beyond the Law".
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Well, even if i haven't seen Billy the Kid vs Dracula yet, i have to say that MY worst film ever is "beyond the law"... the actor is supposed to have play in a few clitn eastwood movies... still, interesting to see;)
Just wait till you see Gods Gun ;D
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Just wait till you see Gods Gun ;D
God's Gun is not as horrible as everybody says it is. In fact it has quite a few moments. Saw a nice widescreen(cleaned up) version on Encore westerns a few weeks back. not an awful spag. I have seen much worse!
and so have you banjo!
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and so have you banjo!
I'm struggling to think of a worse one! :-\
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Hey I liked waterworld as well it was a good adventure story.
Now the real turkey as far as I am concerned is Charlies Angels even when I saw it on DVD for my little girls sake it made you feel ashamed that a studio can peddle such tripe.
Now before you all throw up when I was a young and foolish man I used to enjoy Dallas and the deeds of JR for light viewing, but stone me they are going to make a movie of it, I cannot think of any other programme that they should leave well alone you can already see that its going to be a disaster.
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Ha Ha Ha!!
Should be a hoot!
John Travolta as JR and Jennifer Lopez as Sue Ellen I kid you not!!
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bet ya Larry Hagman will not go to the premier of this awful Hollywood howler Travolta as JR which dim wit thought that one up, my god if Hollywood keeps going this way what next Dynasty the movie or Eastenders or Coronation street on the big screen.
If only we had another Leone to come along and start making worth while films again
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or Coronation street on the big screen.
That's just pure evil! (http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a190/Tarkyhitch/a1.gif)
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i was talking about another one, not a western, firecracker... don't worry you CANNOT like it:)
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I have a special HATE for "800 Bullets". :P
WEKurtz--
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Wild Bunch--leave the cool violent western stuff to the Italians or Eastwood. :o
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Banjo, where I come from those be fighting words. I know I'm not the only one here that disagrees, strongly in this case, with you. ;D
I know some people can go either way with Peckinpah, but think of all those really horrible movies out there. TWB is the worst? No way, even if you're not a huge fan.
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You're right Tim,Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid is worse! ;D
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Here are some films that are so bad one viewing is not enough-
THE GIANT CLAW 1957
THE CYCLOPS 1958
BEGINNING OF THE END 1957 Peter Graves!
KILLERS FROM SPACE 1956 Peter Graves!!
FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER 1959
ROBOT MONSTER 1958
PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE 1959
KILL SQUAD 1982 Cameron Mitchell
WITHOUT WARNING 1980 Jack Palance! Martin Landau! Cameron Mitchell!!
ATOR THE BLADE MASTER 1982 Miles o'Keefe
2019: AFTER THE FALL OF NEW YORK 1983
SHE 1983 Sandhal Bergman, Gordon Mitchell
ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES 1977(heavy classic!!!)
Here's some that redefine bad that's just awful-
A SOUND OF THUNDER probably the single most jaw droppingly bad movie of the past 10 years
WILD WILD WEST
THE MATRIX Anything with that vapid Keannu Reeves
GODZILLA 1998 Saw it twice to make sure that I didn't imagine it was that awful........It was
ID4 Tried to wipe WAR OF THE WORLDS 53 from peoples minds.
BLUE STREAK
SUPERMAN 4
ENTER THE NINJA the sequel definitely makes you forget this ones existence
pretty much any recent american movie with a budget of 100 million dollars or more.
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You're right about Keannu Reeves-he shudda been shot after Bill & Teds Excellent Adventure ;D
A CRAP actor!
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You're right about Keannu Reeves-he shudda been shot after Bill & Teds Excellent Adventure ;D
A CRAP actor!
careful now. I know for a FACT that Reeves is among us.
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Here here on Keanu! He and Vin Diesel take the booby prize as the most talentless actors in the history of Hollywood. :P
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CHARLIES ANGELS WHAT UTTER LOAD OF THE BROWN STUFF.
The list of bad films is long and tedious I must admit that far to many movies want to make or do make me puke.
but thats entertainment for you.
But when you do stumble accross a cracking good movie its like manna from the gods
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Oh my God thank you for mentioning "Charlie's Angels"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My brothers used to be really into that movie. I watched it once and I thought it was absolute s***. To be honest I don't really care for Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz (Lucy Liu's okay), and to have both of them in the same movie - whoo-hoo. Even Bill Murray couldn't save the movie. Roger Ebert did a pretty devastating review of that movie which I thought was funny as hell. Fortunately, however, I have not seen the second one. :D
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I have a special HATE for "800 Bullets". :P
WEKurtz--
Why? I just watched it...& I feel very differently...how come?
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Isn't that a western?Whats it about? ::)
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Isn't that a western?Whats it about? ::)
It's a comedy...& a good one...
basically...10 year old Carlos has run away from home to find his grandfather ..Julian, who had been Eastwood's stunt double and who now heads a wacky crew of actors putting on shows for tourists at Texas Hollywood...the Spaghetti Western 'in" jokes & references..the opening & closing credits... the visual SW references... are numerous..beautifully done..very funny...& spot on perfect.
It's filmed on the same set you've seen a thousand times..in the same town..in the same saloon..jail...etc. etc...& the deserts & mountain passes of Almeria.
It's a sometimes silly...sometimes touching valentine to the magic of the movies...Spaghetti Westerns...Sergio Leone...
The opening...recreates a SW from the 60s..& is absolutely stunning...& the ending is head shakingly surprising & sweet.
I loved it.
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One of the worst movies I've ever seen is The Killer Shrews. Saw it on Svengoolie in the last couple years and had to go out and buy a $7.99 dvd of it, just because it was that bad.
From what I've heard, it ranks right up there with Plan 9, Robot Monster, The Creeping Terror a movie where the director actually lost the audio tracks to his film, AFTER the movie was finished!
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Fortunately, however, I have not seen the second one. :D
Well you have done yourself a great service. Its worse than the first (yes that is possible).
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The opening...recreates a SW from the 60s..& is absolutely stunning...& the ending is head shakingly surprising & sweet.
I loved it.
800 Balas is hilarious but I feel once that they started defending thier town it turns into something its not...an action movie(I think I have mentioned this on here).
All the comedy sort of slips away the final half hour. The mentioning of Clint Eastwood was really funny but I thought they should have left him out of it in the end. THAT GUY LOOKS NOTHING LIKE HIM! And the spanish dialogue they gave him was stupid.
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"The Killer Shrews". . . isn't that the one with dogs dressed up as giant shrews? I believe that one was on MST3K, though I haven't seen it yet.
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I watched The Island the other day. That was incrediably bad!! A good idea (well, basically Blade Runner meets Logans Run) but appalingly delivered with OTT Hollywood effects and naff scenes. Truly awful! Not sure the worst film I have seen, but it would compete with the worst!
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I watched The Island the other day. That was incrediably bad!! A good idea (well, basically Blade Runner meets Logans Run)
Actually, it's a remake of The Clonus Horror. Not a very good idea even in t979....
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"The Killer Shrews". . . isn't that the one with dogs dressed up as giant shrews? I believe that one was on MST3K, though I haven't seen it yet.
That's the one, Groggy. James Best and Ken Curtis, among others, are trapped on an island full of giant shrews that must eat three times their own body weight each day to survive. Some of the worst "special effects" ever put on the screen.
And here in Chicago, Svengoolie is like a local version of MST3K where the host, Sven, makes fun of really bad movies. In the Killer Shrews show, he sang a version of "I've Got a Bad Case of Loving You" but replaced it with his own lyrics, "I've Got a Bad Case of Killer Shrews." Gotta love it.
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Actually, it's a remake of The Clonus Horror. Not a very good idea even in t979....
I believe in Europe it was released as "Parts". Saw it some time ago on UPN (when UPN was a good network to watch).
"The Island" was never referred to as a remake of "Clonus". The writer of the script just decided to rip-off the little seen film and thought he could get away with it (which he did. The writer sold the copied story for over 2 million dollars).
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"parts: the clonus horror" - another MST3K'd film! ;D
Actually it's not a terrible film, IMO. The idea's pretty good and there are some decent actors in the cast, but the low budget does ruin the movie's potential. I would've thought with a bigger budget it could've been good, but Michael Bay proved me wrong. . . maybe with a good director too. ::)
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"parts: the clonus horror" - another MST3K'd film! ;D
Actually it's not a terrible film, IMO. The idea's pretty good and there are some decent actors in the cast, but the low budget does ruin the movie's potential. I would've thought with a bigger budget it could've been good, but Michael Bay proved me wrong. . . maybe with a good director too. ::)
I think you are right Groggy - a good director could have made it a near classic!
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So many bad films I have seen via the excellent MST3K show, but for me I won't go for certain films I'll go for genres,
I can't stand British Romantic Comedies, or the films that settle of the English Working Class, like Kess and other films in that canon, I just find them dull rubbish (but thats my opinion)
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On that note, the genre I most dislike is movie musicals. Now I quite like stage musicals, but movie musicals don't work for me - because, I guess, you can feel the intensity of the acting and singing in a film - plus most films try to establish an at least somewhat plausible reality, but when the characters drop everything they're doing and start to sing, it just doesn't work for me.
Other than "Sound of Music" (which I like for its production values more than the storyline or songs), "Footloose" (which I like for the music and sentimental reasons ;D), and some Disney films (e.g. "The Lion King"), I have absolutely no use for the musical genre.
Followed closely by the dreaded "romcom" subgenre.
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I hate the romance drama. I'm not one of those player-types most guys in school are, I'm actually a romantic. It's great in reality, but makes for some very boring cinema.
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I assume "Doctor Zhivago" is an exception for you then, Peacemaker? ;)
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I assume "Doctor Zhivago" is an exception for you then, Peacemaker? ;)
Absolutely. ;)
Doctor Zhivago is one of my favorites not because of the story but because of the sweeping landscapes lavishingly captured by Lean's cinematography.
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I agree with that. I never really cared for Julie Christie (at least in that film), if I were Zhivago I would've stayed with Geraldine Chaplin (who IMO is a LOT more attractive than Christie) and left Lara out in the cold with Rod Steiger and Tom Courtenay! ;D
I will say though that the book is a lot better than the movie - Yuri's time with the Red Partisans takes up about 100 pages, compared to seven friggin' minutes in the film version. ::)
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I agree with that. I never really cared for Julie Christie (at least in that film), if I were Zhivago I would've stayed with Geraldine Chaplin (who IMO is a LOT more attractive than Christie) and left Lara out in the cold with Rod Steiger and Tom Courtenay! ;D
I will say though that the book is a lot better than the movie - Yuri's time with the Red Partisans takes up about 100 pages, compared to seven friggin' minutes in the film version. ::)
I thought both Christie and Chaplin were not that pretty. That's just my opinion, to each his own.
In the novel, what happens, besides the events shown in the film, to Yuri during the time with the red Partisans?
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Actually they pretty much made up what happened to him in the movie. It seems like David Lean and Robert Bolt looked at that section of the novel and said, "Okay, we don't really want to do it, but it's in the book, so we can't leave it out - let's just hurry it along." The only part of the Partisan sequence I like in the film is the crain shot right before the machine-gunning of the White cadets in the field.
The biggest thing that I remember about the Partisans is a scene where Zhivago was caught in the middle of a firefight between the Red partisans and attacking White forces. He wanted to escape but was too afraid of being hit by both sides. He admired the bravery of the Whites, but felt that he had to take up a rifle and join the fighting, because he would feel "unmanly" if he did not. He tried to avoid hitting the White soldiers, but couldn't and killed quite a few of them. However, after the battle he did help some of the wounded Whites escape from the Reds. . . That was IMO the best part of the book, though you'd have to read it for yourself.
The character of Liberius (the partisan leader) was also pretty well-developed, but you never even learn his name in the movie. He liked to sleep in a tent with Zhivago and annoyed him to death by talking incessantly about the Revolution and himself, while Zhivago's thinking to himself "Oh my GOD will you shut up already?!" ;) Also Zhivago's escape was a lot different, he escaped from the Red encampment in the middle of the night through the forest while trying to avoid sentries - a very suspenseful scene.
I will also add that the characterization of Pasha/Strelnikov is a lot different in the book, though IMO that's the one thing that the movie improved on over the book. In the book he's basically a big silly twit; I thought Courtenay's portrayal was more interesting. The scene after the Intermission where Zhivago and Strelnikov meet on the train is a case in point: in the book Zhivago and Strelnikov are very complimentary towards each other, whereas in the film they're really nasty and argumentative.
But overall the book is a lot better. If you have the time to read it, I suggest you do. If you like the film, you're bound to like the book.
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Actually they pretty much made up what happened to him in the movie. It seems like David Lean and Robert Bolt looked at that section of the novel and said, "Okay, we don't really want to do it, but it's in the book, so we can't leave it out - let's just hurry it along." The only part of the Partisan sequence I like in the film is the crain shot right before the machine-gunning of the White cadets in the field.
The biggest thing that I remember about the Partisans is a scene where Zhivago was caught in the middle of a firefight between the Red partisans and attacking White forces. He wanted to escape but was too afraid of being hit by both sides. He admired the bravery of the Whites, but felt that he had to take up a rifle and join the fighting, because he would feel "unmanly" if he did not. He tried to avoid hitting the White soldiers, but couldn't and killed quite a few of them. However, after the battle he did help some of the wounded Whites escape from the Reds. . . That was IMO the best part of the book, though you'd have to read it for yourself.
The character of Liberius (the partisan leader) was also pretty well-developed, but you never even learn his name in the movie. He liked to sleep in a tent with Zhivago and annoyed him to death by talking incessantly about the Revolution and himself, while Zhivago's thinking to himself "Oh my GOD will you shut up already?!" ;) Also Zhivago's escape was a lot different, he escaped from the Red encampment in the middle of the night through the forest while trying to avoid sentries - a very suspenseful scene.
I will also add that the characterization of Pasha/Strelnikov is a lot different in the book, though IMO that's the one thing that the movie improved on over the book. In the book he's basically a big silly twit; I thought Courtenay's portrayal was more interesting. The scene after the Intermission where Zhivago and Strelnikov meet on the train is a case in point: in the book Zhivago and Strelnikov are very complimentary towards each other, whereas in the film they're really nasty and argumentative.
But overall the book is a lot better. If you have the time to read it, I suggest you do. If you like the film, you're bound to like the book.
If I see the book I'll definantly pick it up.
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I must see Zhivago again. I rather enjoyed it the last time I saw it. However I actually prefer (please don't hit me) Gone With The Wind.
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because of the sweeping landscapes lavishingly captured by Lean's cinematography.
Deary me, I can hear poor old Freddie Young hammering to get out of his grave and wreak revenge. Lean was the film's director. The cinematography on LAWRENCE OF ARABIA, DOCTOR ZHIVAGO and RYAN'S DAUGHTER was all done by Freddie Young (with some uncredited work by Nicholas Roeg on ZHIVAGO).
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I must see Zhivago again. I rather enjoyed it the last time I saw it. However I actually prefer (please don't hit me) Gone With The Wind.
I don't think I've ever seen that one. Then again, you're talking to a guy who still hasn't seen "Citizen Kane", and only saw "Casablanca" for the first time last week.
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I urge you to see Citizen Kane, what did you think of Casablanca?
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I liked it. It didn't really impress me - "The Maltese Falcon" is a far superior Bogart film IMO - but it was very enjoyable. I loved the acting, particularly Claude Rains - "I am shocked - SHOCKED! - to learn that gambling is going on in this building!" "Your winnings, sir." "Oh, thank you!" ;D I think an 8/10 is in order for it.
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I don't think I've ever seen that one. Then again, you're talking to a guy who still hasn't seen "Citizen Kane", and only saw "Casablanca" for the first time last week.
Really? I never saw Citizen cane either! I rented the two disc DVD at the local hollywood video but the DVD with the movie was missing! ( the special features one was still there )
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I liked it. It didn't really impress me - "The Maltese Falcon" is a far superior Bogart film IMO - but it was very enjoyable. I loved the acting, particularly Claude Rains - "I am shocked - SHOCKED! - to learn that gambling is going on in this building!" "Your winnings, sir." "Oh, thank you!" ;D I think an 8/10 is in order for it.
It's a great line in a film stuffed with some incredible ones. Are you into much Bogart?
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Really? I never saw Citizen cane either! I rented the two disc DVD at the local hollywood video but the DVD with the movie was missing! ( the special features one was still there )
That should be on TCM again soon surely?
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CASABLANCA is one of those films you can't truly appreciate until you fall in love and have your heart kicked out in a break up.
I know, I'm just a big softy.
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No its true, I agree with you (happened to me :-[ )
I would argue Blade Runner is also a movie to watch when your depressed as for some reason that movie cheers me up (not so much the story, but the visuals , cinematography etc)
I've also been in Sir Ridley's office ;D
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I know, I'm just a big softy.
You're not alone. I am too!
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It's a great line in a film stuffed with some incredible ones. Are you into much Bogart?
Can't really say that I am, inasmuch as I've only seen this and "The Maltese Falcon". ;D Not that I wouldn't want to see, say, "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre" or "The Big Sleep".
My big "must-see" films right now (that I haven't seen) would be "A Passage To India", "Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid", and "Mr. Smith Goes To Washington", in no particular order. But I'll keep an eye out for "Citizen Kane" - I think my local video store has it on DVD.
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Can't really say that I am, inasmuch as I've only seen this and "The Maltese Falcon". ;D Not that I wouldn't want to see, say, "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre" or "The Big Sleep".
My big "must-see" films right now (that I haven't seen) would be "A Passage To India", "Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid", and "Mr. Smith Goes To Washington", in no particular order. But I'll keep an eye out for "Citizen Kane" - I think my local video store has it on DVD.
I just saw Mr. Smith Goes to Washington on Sunday. It's one of THE greatest movies I ever saw, I wanted Stewart to win so badly.
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I also recomend Mr Smith Goes To Washington. I also hope you check out Pat Garett, a heavily flawed but entertaining film for Sam. Bogart wise I also recomend you check out In A Lonely Place. IMO his best performance alongside Gloria Graham. Has one of the most heartbreaking endings in the noir canon for me.
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I definitely want to see "Pat Garrett". Saw it at a Circuit City for $19.99, but haven't seen it anywhere else. . . :-[
The local video store didn't have "Citizen Kane" either; I got "Casino" instead.
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CASABLANCA is one of those films you can't truly appreciate until you fall in love and have your heart kicked out in a break up.
I disagree. I think you can appreciate it once you've stopped worrying and learned to love propaganda films.
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Bogart wise I also recomend you check out In A Lonely Place. IMO his best performance alongside Gloria Graham. Has one of the most heartbreaking endings in the noir canon for me.
True, but to really appreciate the film it is best to have seen several Bogart pictures first. Part of the genius of IALP is its exploitation of Bogart's iconic status.
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I disagree. I think you can appreciate it once you've stopped worrying and learned to love propaganda films.
You're silly.
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Pooh to you!
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One time a couple of guys gave me the Ludovico treatment and made me watch a part of Van Helsing. Wow, wow, wow. I try to avoid using terms like "it sucked ass" but seriously, wow. It sucked ass.
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I would say that 2010 the sequal to 2001 is the worst film IMO.You guys proably going to say Watch moree movies but i seen bad movies and not as bad as this sequal that should have never been made.
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I would say that 2010 the sequal to 2001 is the worst film IMO.You guys proably going to say Watch moree movies but i seen bad movies and not as bad as this sequal that should have never been made.
I can add it that to my list of reasons to avoid the sequel of 2001.
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One time a couple of guys gave me the Ludovico treatment and made me watch a part of Van Helsing. Wow, wow, wow. I try to avoid using terms like "it sucked ass" but seriously, wow. It sucked ass.
I know!!! The term " really sucked ass " is the best description of that crap fest!
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I know!!! The term " really sucked ass " is the best description of that crap fest!
;D
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Titanic- Simple formula to make a hollywood pile of crap
Historical event+love story= pig vomit
best way to describe this movie is to just call it cardboard. Cardboard characters, cardboard plot, cardboard development, cardboard effects, and with a pace that makes an Iceburg feel like a MiG fighter jet/
Pearl Harbor- same as above just add moronic michael bay'isms
Armegeddon- only good scene is when Steve buscemi goes Ape S**t and shoots everything up inside the asteriod. Good ol' Steve, i cant think of a movie where i dont find him entertaining.
The Aybyss-
I've heard people say alot of good things this movie. here's what i have to say about this film. Put all the films i just mentioned into a blender, blend, then stick it in one of those cardboard cups you get for your milkshakes at McDonalds, now stab it furiosly with a pencil. This film has plot holes galore, i won't go through all of em (honestly i dont remember the movie all too well anymore) but here's some that come to my mind. 1 in what twisted world are a bunch of Blue collar divers able to sneak up to and take down an ARMED navy seal, how can they sneak up on anyone when the whole place is flooded. You'd have to to be deaf not to hear the water slushing around.
2. How is it possible for lindsey to have a perfectly functional brain (let alone live) after drowning for about 20-25 minutes. Honestly she should have just died; we need some kind of downer in this movie. 20-25 minutes after drowning and shes still alive with no brain damage, Ridiculous!!
then of course there's the ending. in the last 15 minutes i honestly had no idea someone could be capable of adding a Cheezy happy Hollywood ending to this flick, James Cameron, you have proved me wrong. Cameron needs to stick with the action adventure stuff.
one last thing, Coffey was right, the aliens were definetly Ruskies. Notice they didn't threaten to flood cuba or russia. And thanks to Bud and the gang, the commies not only have nuclear weapons but they have aleins with the power to control the ocean. Not to Mention they're plan to take our precious bodily fluids!!!!!!
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Matrix Revolutions :o
Bugsy :o
Hídember ("The Bridge Man") - a hungarian "historical" film, just terrible, nothing to do with the real history, and the lead actor is awful. :o :o :o
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I've never liked Spirited Away, and I find King Kong to be really overrated. All versions. I liked the LOTR series, but Peter Jackson is overrated IMO (my opinion isn't very humble). I shall add him to the overrated section in my "Which directors are overrated? Which are underrated?" topic. This isn't to say I haven't seen a film by the guy which I haven't liked. In fact, all the directors in the overrated section (w/ the exception of Lucio Fulci) have made movies I've enjoyed.
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Snakes on a Plane is definitely a conteder.
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Cinema Paradiso.
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Snakes on a Plane is definitely a conteder.
You see it groggy?
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Cinema Paradiso.
I wouldn't call that the worst, but I don't like what I've seen.
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You see it groggy?
Yes. No one bother to defend it. I'd rather drink my own piss than argue with someone who enjoyed that film.
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Agreed, a very dumb film. I saw it when it came out and then it was on TV two weeks ago and I caught part of it again. A total waste of time.
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Yes. No one bother to defend it. I'd rather drink my own piss than argue with someone who enjoyed that film.
Then start drinking O0
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Snakes on a Plane is indeed a very bad movie. Unforunately, I've seen so many bad movies that that isn't even a contender for me.
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Then start drinking O0
I just came back from the urinal. Can we do it later?
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Battlefield Earth
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DeRailed is pretty horrible. Its just so stupid.
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Cinema Paradiso.
I'm going to kill you.
For me ...Date Movie, or Balls of Fury.
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Requiem for a Dream
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Requiem for a Dream
It is a movie hard to watch, but I still think it's great.
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It is a movie hard to watch, but I still think it's great.
I liked it but the final 15 minutes were to preachy.
Pie was better.
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I liked it but the final 15 minutes were to preachy.
Pie was better.
U meen Pi? :P
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Requiem for a Dream
I'd be so happy if Requiem for a Dream was the worst movie I've seen. Unfortunately I've seen some unbelievable crap that's so bad I haven't bothered to learn their names. But Nutty Professor 2 is a pretty sad way to spend an hour and a half of your life (I'm not sure if I ever even finished it).
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I've posted on this thread many times, but as it stands now my worst films list includes, in no particular order:
- Godzilla (the American one)
- Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
- Manos: the Hands of Fate
- Werewolf (lots of MST3K films here)
- Village of the Giants (have actually seen it without MST3K)
- Taxi
- The Nebraskan
- Jason Takes Manhattan
- Halloween: H20
- Snakes on a Plane
What am I forgetting? Something monumentally horrible, I'm sure, but for the life of me I can't think of what it is... :-\
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U meen Pi? :P
Correct. I was looking for the symbol on my keyboard but to no avail.
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Hard Candy. What a stinker.
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From hell
Joe Queenan
Friday March 21, 2008
Guardian
The release of the Paris Hilton vehicle The Hottie and the Nottie has revived the debate as to which is the worst motion picture ever made. Because the film logged in with some of the worst receipts in history - $250 per screen on opening weekend - there is a temptation to accord it the mythical status of such universally ridiculed motion pictures as Attack of the Killer Tomatoes or Plan 9 From Outer Space, to welcome it into the dark, Bizarro World pantheon inhabited by phantasmagoric disasters such as Showgirls, Ishtar, Heaven's Gate, Battlefield Earth, The Postman and, most recently, Gigli and Swept Away.
That is not fair. It is not fair to Kevin Costner, it is not fair to Jennifer Lopez, and it is certainly not fair to Madonna. Though it is a natural impulse to believe that the excruciating film one is watching today is on a par with the excruciating films of yesterday, this is a slight to those who have worked long and hard to make movies so moronic that the public will still be talking about them decades later. Anyone can make a bad movie; Kate Hudson and Adam Sandler make them by the fistful. Anyone can make a sickening movie; we are already up to Saw IV. Anyone can make an unwatchable movie; Jack Black and Martin Lawrence do it every week. And anyone can make a comedy that is not funny; Jack Black and Martin Lawrence do it every week. But to make a movie that destroys a studio, wrecks careers, bankrupts investors, and turns everyone connected with it into a laughing stock requires a level of moxie, self-involvement, lack of taste, obliviousness to reality and general contempt for mankind that the average director, producer and movie star can only dream of attaining.
A generically appalling film like The Hottie and the Nottie is a scab that looks revolting while it is freshly coagulated; but once it festers, hardens and falls off the skin, it leaves no scar. By contrast, a truly bad movie, a bad movie for the ages, a bad movie made on an epic, lavish scale, is the cultural equivalent of leprosy: you can't stand looking at it, but at the same time you can't take your eyes off it. You are horrified by it, repelled by it, yet you are simultaneously mesmerised by its enticing hideousness. A monstrously bad movie is like the Medusa: those who gaze on its hideous countenance are doomed, but who can resist taking a gander?
The worst film I have ever seen is a low-budget 1969 production called Futz. It was about a man who fell in love with a pig, and even by the dismal standards of the era, it was dismal. There is also a special place in my heart for La Grande Bouffe, the 1973 film about four men who eat themselves to death, and for Anjelica Huston's 1969 debut in her father's A Walk With Love and Death, which also starred Assaf Dayan, the son of the Israeli general with the flashy eyepatch. Pasolini's 120 Days of Sodom is as vile as any film I have ever seen, The Way We Were as treacly and flatulent as any movie I know of, and the lighthearted Holocaust-era comedy Life Is Beautiful as morally repugnant - precisely because of its apparent innocence - as any film I can name. But these are personal tastes; I would never be so bold as to argue that a 39-year-old film about an arrant porcophile is the worst movie ever made, not only because so few people have seen it but because there may be several other movies about men who rapturously lie down with comely sows that are actually worse than Futz. Though I kind of doubt it.
This brings me to my major point. To qualify as one of the worst films of all time, several strict requirements must be met. For starters, a truly awful movie must have started out with some expectation of not being awful. That is why making a horrific, cheapo motion picture that stars Hilton or Jessica Simpson is not really much of an accomplishment. Did anyone seriously expect a film called The Hottie and The Nottie not to suck? Two, an authentically bad movie has to be famous; it can't simply be an obscure student film about a boy who eats live rodents to impress dead girls. Three, the film cannot be a deliberate attempt to make the worst movie ever, as this is cheating. Four, the film must feature real movie stars, not jocks, bozos, has-beens or fleetingly famous media fabrications like Hilton. Five, the film must generate a negative buzz long before it reaches cinemas; like the Black Plague or the Mongol invasions, it must be an impending disaster of which there has been abundant advance warning; it cannot simply appear out of nowhere. And it must, upon release, answer the question: could it possibly be as bad as everyone says it is? This is what separates Waterworld, a financial disaster but not an uncompromisingly dreadful film, and Ishtar, which has one or two amusing moments, from The Postman, Gigli and Heaven's Gate, all of which are bona fide nightmares.
Six, to qualify as one of the worst movies ever made, a motion picture must induce a sense of dread in those who have seen it, a fear that they may one day be forced to watch the film again - and again - and again. To pass muster as one of the all-time celluloid disasters, a film must be so bad that when a person is asked, "Which will it be? Waterboarding, invasive cattle prods or Jersey Girl?", the answer needs no further reflection. This phenomenon resembles Stockholm Syndrome, where a victim ends up befriending his tormentors, so long as they promise not to make him watch any more Kevin Smith movies. The condition is sometimes referred to as Blunted Affleck.
Several years ago, I read that a movie about a blind dental technician and a paraplegic athlete who enter a white-water rafting competition was playing at a cinema near me. I immediately bought a ticket for Good Luck, enthralled at the idea of seeing what figured to be one of the worst movies ever made. To be honest, that is the reason I became a critic in the first place; criticism seemed to be a way to channel my unwholesome fascination with train wrecks and fires into a socially acceptable framework. The truth is, every time I go to the pictures, I get goose bumps all over, anticipating that this, after all these years, could be the worst movie ever made.
Sadly, it never is. Yes, Good Luck was bad. It was an inane premise, poorly executed, and the results were not pretty. But it was not so bad that I spent the rest of my life thinking about it. I didn't even spend the rest of the afternoon thinking about it. What's more, because there was no one else in the cinema at the time, and because I have never met anyone else who has seen the film, its imbecilic charms were not something I could share with others.
There is one other requirement for a movie to be considered one of the worst ever: it must keep getting worse. By this, I mean that it not only must keep getting worse while you are watching it, but it must, upon subsequent viewings, seem even worse than the last time you saw it. That is what distinguishes Ishthar from Gigli and Showgirls from Swept Away. Widely viewed as one of the worst movies ever when it was released in 1987, Ishtar actually has several comic moments. Gigli doesn't. Similarly, Showgirls has a certain campy allure that grows a bit each time I see it. Madonna's Swept Away doesn't; it seems more amateurish on each viewing, like a morass that starts out as a quagmire, then morphs into a cesspool and finally turns into a slime pit on the road to its ultimate destination in the bowels of Hell.
All that said, none of these very, very, very bad movies automatically qualify as the worst film ever made. While it may disappoint those who welcome my occasionally unconventional opinions, I am firmly in the camp that believes that Heaven's Gate is the worst movie ever made. For my money, none of these other films can hold a candle to Michael Cimino's 1980 apocalyptic disaster. This is a movie that destroyed the director's career. This is a movie that lost so much money it literally drove a major American studio out of business. This is a movie about Harvard-educated gunslingers who face off against eastern European sodbusters in an epic struggle for the soul of America. This is a movie that stars Isabelle Huppert as a shotgun-toting cowgirl. This is a movie in which Jeff Bridges pukes while mounted on roller skates. This is a movie that has five minutes of uninterrupted fiddle-playing by a fiddler who is also mounted on roller skates. This is a movie that defies belief.
A friend of mine, now deceased, was working for the public relations company handling Heaven's Gate when it was released. He told me that when the 220-minute extravaganza debuted at the Toronto film festival, the reaction was so thermonuclear that the stars and the film-maker had to immediately be flown back to Hollywood, perhaps out of fear for their lives. No one at the studio wanted to go out and greet them upon their return; no one wanted to be seen in that particular hearse. My friend eventually agreed to man the limo that would meet the children of the damned on the airport tarmac and whisk them to safety, but only provided he was given free use of the vehicle for the next three days. After he dropped off the halt and the lame at suitable safe houses and hiding places, he went to Mexico for the weekend. Nothing like this ever happened when Showgirls or Gigli or Ishtar or Xanadu or Glitter or Cleopatra were released. Nothing like this happened when The Hottie and the Nottie dropped dead the day it was released. Heaven's Gate was so bad that people literally had to be bribed to go meet the survivors. Proving that, in living memory, giants of bad taste once ruled the earth. Giants. By comparison with the titans who brought you Heaven's Gate, Paris Hilton is a rank amateur.
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Ennui! ;D
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Ooooooh! Cruel, Joe, very cruel.
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Matrix Revolutions - it was a nightmare... terrible boring, they never should make sequels! The original Matrix was interesting, not my cup of tea, but a good movie what gave me thoughts. But this thing is... :o
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Ennui! ;D
Be assured, that's a temporary title. ;)
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Yeah, that title doesn't really go with the music. And it's unseemly to follow ennui with an exclamation mark (the word being the very antithesis of excitement).
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I meant that Ennui!'s title as worst film ever is temporary. Either myself, or Uwe Boll, will top it in the near future.
I should be happy to hear YOUR suggestions as to an appropriate title, O Great Jenkins. ::)
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Titles are hard, man. Let me pass on this.
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Title:
Dormroom the Movie
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That certainly describes it, but does it make anyone want to watch it?
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Ok, my new worst film ever:
Romeo + Juliet.
And i've only seen the first five minutes.
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Once Upon a Time in Groggy's Dormroom
A Fistful of Dormroom
Dormroom of Rhodes
The Dorm, The Room, and the Groggy
Dorm, You Room!
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For a Few Sunflower Seeds More? :D
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Ok, my new worst film ever:
Romeo + Juliet.
And i've only seen the first five minutes.
You don't need to see the rest. I agree, R+J is a cinematic travesty. What a joke.
My most hated movie of all time just may be 300. I'm not saying it's the worst, Manos probably holds that honor, but there isn't a movie that I loathe more.
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The Dorm, The Room, and the Groggy
Dorm, You Room!
I just love these two.
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Ok, my new worst film ever:
Romeo + Juliet.
And i've only seen the first five minutes.
You can't say this. (no you can't. And the evidence is that you didn't: you only wrote it.)
You can say you didn't like
you can say it was ridiculous
you can say many things like that
you can criticize it a lot
you can even HATE it
but anyway you still HAVE to say: "good try"
hence: it is not the worst movie ever.
I think i'm a great lawer.
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Death Proof
This is your worst film ever? Lucky man.
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Really. He's obviously never seen The Bobo (1967), or hundreds of other equally awful films.
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I wonder how many of the 10,505 have either.
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Considering that film got pretty much NO release, I'd imagine at least 90% of the votes are fake.
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I sincerely doubt that film is worse than Manos: the Hands of Fate. Or the American Godzilla. :o
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The original Casino Royale & The Magic Christian are close. O0
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The Magic Christian has its moments. The John Cleese cameo is usually good for a laugh, and as a cinema fan, I always enjoy the Men in White gag. I suppose the manure pond sequence at the end is a little much, though . . .
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The original Casino Royale & The Magic Christian are close. O0
And don't forget the astounding oeuvre of Coleman Francis, as mentioned on another thread. He's undeniably one of Hollywood's unsung geniuses.
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Just before Easter ;D...... TCM televised Night Of The Lepus with old friend Rory Calhoun, Stuart Whitman, Janet Leigh and DeForest Kelly. I watched a little more than I had in the past, and it's pretty bad. All of the above try to figure out how to stop huge angry (chopping and hopping in slow motion) bunny rabbits.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yww2x3bm9k&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wduI6vjidzk&feature=related
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Maybe not the worst, but my nomination for runner up: Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs. Mario Bava, how could you?
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I had happily forgotten about this... The Frank Zappa movie 200 Motels must be the worst movie I've seen. It's pure crap. I actually never finished it, and that says a lot since I usually try to watch even bad movies all the way through. Well the music was good. But the movie itself just tries to be too smart even though it's just idiotic. Actually I'd be interested to watch the rest of the movie just for the heck of it, now six months after I watched the first half. Now I maybe, maybe could bear it ;D
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where the hell did you find 200 motels ;D
I've only seen bits of it on youtube, i beleive it was a bit about some dancing lizardmen (or where they newts?). either way im pretty interested in seeing that regardless of its quality O0.
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Me too.
(Maybe I should start a new thread, Really Bad Films I Want to See Anyway)
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where the hell did you find 200 motels ;D
I've only seen bits of it on youtube, i beleive it was a bit about some dancing lizardmen (or where they newts?). either way im pretty interested in seeing that regardless of its quality O0.
It was on the telly. Isn't it out on DVD? Or on any kind of format?
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It was released on VHS, but I don't think it's ever come out on DVD.
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My local library had a vhs so I saw it. Interesting mostly for the use of tape recording instead of film. Sure, s the techniques which 35 years were avantgarde now look naive but that's where the value lies.
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Oh My God... completely forgot about...
:oMONSTER A-GO-GO! :o
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- The Last Airbender (2010)
- Blade Runner (all the cuts I've seen)