Sergio Leone Web Board

Films of Sergio Leone => Other Films => Topic started by: cigar joe on January 23, 2004, 08:32:32 PM



Title: Captain Apache
Post by: cigar joe on January 23, 2004, 08:32:32 PM
Took a shot at Alternative Videos in their western section on a pan and scan VHS of Captain Apache with Lee Van Cleef and Stuart Whitman.

 Now this was a bad movie, from the cinematography to the incredibly lousy score with the added plus of actually having LVC singing the beginning title and ending. lol.

Lee played a Native American captian in an imaginative black fringed leather jacket with fur collar with captian bars on the shoulders.

What a range from reaching for the stars from Leone to this. They also have a copy of "Bad Mans River" which I'll check out soon.


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: cigar joe on January 25, 2004, 07:58:11 AM
I guess nobody has seen this, count yourselves lucky. lol


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Cusser on January 25, 2004, 11:38:38 AM
Yipes, I must admit I did see Captain Apache in a theater, 30+ years ago.  Mediocre film, not great singing by LVC, but I seem to remember a shirtless scene with him, and he apparently did a fair amount of working out as he had considerable muscles, and he was no youngster at that time.


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: cigar joe on January 25, 2004, 05:32:51 PM
Yea that was a sceen where the indian chief will not speak to him dressed as a white man so he strips down to a breechcloth. Lol, I wonder if that was really LVC or a body double.


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: The Smoker on January 26, 2004, 10:00:38 AM
Ive never seen the movie. But ive seen some black/white stills of Cleef in Apache,Stranger & The Gunfighter sort of era. He looked built up.
How old do you think he was then?


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: The Hunchback on January 26, 2004, 08:43:04 PM
According to http://www.imdb.com LVC would have been around 45 or 46 years old when he made CAPTAIN APACHE.  Pretty buff for an old dude.

(http://www.adiosgringo.com/imagenes/Carteles/Franceses/gran/CAPTAIn_APACHE.jpg)

(http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/movie/coverv/01/103601.jpg)


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: DJIMBO on April 10, 2004, 03:47:15 PM
do ur self a favour cigar joe - dont bother checking out bad man's river. i thought captain apache was marginally better and thats saying something. even worse is el condor!! what was lvc doing!!!!!!


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Groggy on April 11, 2004, 05:08:07 AM
do ur self a favour cigar joe - dont bother checking out bad man's river. i thought captain apache was marginally better and thats saying something. even worse is el condor!! what was lvc doing!!!!!!

Hey, when you consider that he hadn't been doing anything until FAFDM . . . guy's gotta make a living.


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: cigar joe on April 11, 2004, 06:06:52 AM
You're right Groggy, he had to make a living, I suppose he never expected those movies to see the light of day on this side of the Atlantic.

Anybody see the uncut LVC's "Day of Anger"?


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Cusser on April 11, 2004, 11:41:28 AM
Cig - what do you mean "uncut version" of Day of Anger?  I saw it in the theater in 1970, was that version an edited version?  If so, where is uncut version available?  Why was title changed to "Days of ..." ?


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: cigar joe on April 12, 2004, 04:40:42 AM
In the Pocket Essentials Spaghetti Westerns they cite the un-cut version, I just assumed there may be other versions out there, never seen the film myself.

By the way how was  it?


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: DJIMBO on April 12, 2004, 03:15:53 PM
there seems 2 be this rule when it comes to spaghetti western:

Spaghetti Western

minus

Sergio Leone

equals

So many lives wasted so badly


tho i hav yet 2 see the supposedly better big gundown and great silence


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Groggy on April 12, 2004, 04:41:54 PM
there seems 2 be this rule when it comes to spaghetti western:

Spaghetti Western

minus

Sergio Leone

equals

So many lives wasted so badly


tho i hav yet 2 see the supposedly better big gundown and great silence

ROTFLMAO!!!  ;D


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Walter on April 28, 2004, 04:04:41 PM
I guess nobody has seen this, count yourselves lucky. lol

I rented it on VHS once, some twenty years ago.
It really did suck, even when I was in my teens. The film is a part of the string of mediocre movies van Cleefe made after GBU, but I guess it put bread on his table...


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Marco Leone on April 20, 2005, 12:41:37 PM
Well, I got myself a copy of Lee Van Cleef's oft laughed about "Captain Apache" for the prize sum of 1p English money off of Ebay.

I've not seen it yet, but I had to watch the opening sequence just to hear the Cleef sung title track.  Well mock me not, but it had me tappin m' toes!  And laughing a bit.  Whether the film is so enjoyable will be another matter!


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Belkin on April 20, 2005, 02:12:30 PM
Nice one, Marco, if it had you laughing at the credits then.....wait till you see the rest!!!!! May the farce be with you!  :-X


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: The Smoker on April 20, 2005, 02:36:48 PM
Did managed to see the trailer on the 'Fistful of Trailers' DVD. Mildly amusing little bit with Carol Baker's charactor & the Captain sitting eating a meal. She states that he 'doesn't come across as a native indian'. Cleef finishes chewing his food and quite dryly puts is hand up a says 'how*' and carrys on eating. á;D

Also this film is available on DVD in one of those 'canned laughter' audio tracks. oh dear.

* The univeral 'hollywood Indian' greeting 'how' is actually based on the Dakota and Lakota Sioux word 'Hau' which does mean hello. But only indians of the great plains used it. Not Navajo, Cheyenne or Blackfoot. Its like a Russians or Italians saying Hola or Bonjour all the time. á;D á




Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Belkin on April 20, 2005, 03:05:37 PM
I've often wondered about LVC's choices post LEONE. But I suppose when he played the part in FAFDM, Leone had no real track record. When it and the rest were released, LVC like CLINT, had no idea how big they would become. And when they went thru the roof once the public caught em' and the word spread, maybe, LVC stuck around accepting all those SPAG roles hoping that each new film would be helmed by a new LEONE! And each new one would be as big and ground breaking as the ones he did for SL? But then again, maybe he viewed himself simply as a very lucky jobbing actor and took advantage of movie offers in a very precarious buisness! Either way I'm just glad that LEONE included him in, what is now  an historic spag hall of fame!


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: cigar joe on April 20, 2005, 08:21:09 PM
I'm just wondering if during the course of filming a SW back then with an international polygot cast and crew if you can really tell how anything is going to turn out as a finnished product.

Like you all have already stated a lot of chances and gambles must have been taken by all.


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Marco Leone on April 22, 2005, 12:59:51 PM
Well, I've been off gigging, so haven't been around for a couple of days, and thought I'd catch up with whats going on in the forrum!

I sat all the way through Bad Mans River last summer, having picked up a copy in a Bargain Basement (together with Future World...... and we won't go THERE!  Not the same appeal as West World, with a very freaky "love" cameo by Brynner).  To me, it was one of those Spaghetti Westerns where at times (some how) I enjoyed it, at other times my fingers twitched ever closer to the "off" button.  A feeling I get the impression may happen again when I watch Captain Apache by the sounds of it!  Although maybe this time there may be a flinch too many, and the button is finally pressed.

I think it is correct to say though that most actors are prone to the odd rubbish.  Even the mighty Clint made Pink Cadillac!!!



Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: cigar joe on April 22, 2005, 05:57:58 PM
On a side note to Pink Cadillac did you ever notice Jim Carrey in the bg in one of the casino scenes?

The Captian Apache I watched was a very old VHS tape which may have played a part in the overall badness of the movie, they have a copy of BMR there too, but after getting burned again with an equally lousy VHS of  "A Bullet For Sandoval", I'm dis-inclined to rent it. lol


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Marco Leone on April 23, 2005, 12:48:36 PM
I'm thinking in my very very bad memory that he was also (i.e. Jim Carey) in the Dead Pool.  But I may well be wrong.


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Belkin on April 23, 2005, 12:57:05 PM
I'm thinking in my very very bad memory that he was also (i.e. Jim Carey) in the Dead Pool.á But I may well be wrong.
Your very very bad memory serves you correct, my friend, Mr. Carey did appear in DEAD POOL!


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Marco Leone on April 23, 2005, 01:05:08 PM
Haha, well its pleasing to note that at least a few things work still! 


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Marco Leone on April 25, 2005, 01:15:21 PM
Heehee, maybe you have just encouraged me to dig Dead Pool out again haha.


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: jerkface on May 17, 2005, 09:04:53 AM
Captain Apache, oh boyá ::)

This movie is totally incoherent. Or maybe I was totally incoherent when I watched it. I bought the vhs for less than a dollar online. It cost me more to ship it. Ha.


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Marco Leone on May 19, 2005, 04:45:44 PM
Well, maybe its all your negative comments, but I haven't yet had the courage to watch it.  I think I may need to get drunk first.


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Marco Leone on June 29, 2005, 02:18:21 PM
Just watched Capt. Apache and reviewed it for the SWWB (yes, Marco you can use it *poke* *poke*).

Cheers for that.  I have suitably borrowed it!!!

Going back to my occasional comments about Return of Sabata, it was one of the first SW's I watched after the Leone ones.  It was therefore a bit of a shock to see the comedy element, and the James Bond-esq gadgets.  Taking on Joe's point, that may well be why a film such as Captain Apache (which I will get around to watching soon) is not for the Leone lover.  Slowly but surely the comedy westerns are beginning to grow on me.  I may even enjoy the Providence film if I watch it again, who knows!!


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Marco Leone on October 04, 2005, 01:57:58 PM
TONIGHT....... it is time!  Captain Apache is next in line to watch.  I'm cracking open the wine as I type, and nervously reaching for the remote.

"Ahahah, they call him Captain Apache"......

I'll report back my thoughts once I've had time to ponder!

 ;D


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: HEX on October 04, 2005, 06:21:57 PM
LEE VAN CLEEF singing! :o

as scary as that sounds i want to hear.
i think ill check this , no doubt flop, out!

hey if u want a bad VAN CLEEF western
check out BARQUERO.


they play it every now and then on WESTERN ENCORE.





hey i said THEY put it on...
who is THEY anyway? ;D


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Marco Leone on October 05, 2005, 03:31:28 PM
As promised..... here is my take on.......

CAPTAIN APACHE
"Ah aha aha ahaaaa - they call him Captain Apache".

"Well any film that provides you with an opportunity to hear Lee Van Cleef singing not just once, but twice has got to be worth a viewing" I thought to myself. "I'm sure it can't be as bad as I've been told". Well in truth it IS that bad. But it doesn't make it unwatchable! Lee Van Cleef plays an Apache Captain within the Army that is sent to investigate the murder of a Commissioner, and discover the meaning of the dying man's last words "April Morning".

It plays like a murder mystery in a western setting, with numerous characters introduced throughout that appear to have heard the phrase "April Morning", but are either attempting to solve the riddle themselves, or are shot before they can speak. These include gunrunner Griffin (Stuart Whitman), the blonde temptress Maude (Caroll Baker) and the equally teasing Rosita (Elisa Montes). And from a plot perspective, that is pretty much it (well, without solving the mystery that is!). Yes, it sounds very simple, but in actual fact the story is quite convoluted.

The soundtrack is hysterical - the title track in particular being so bad that you just love it - with Lee Van Cleef narrating to a tune so catchy that it would put professional purveyors of pop to shame! And you still get his rendition "April Morning" at the end of the film to look forward to.

Whilst it is quite poor Spaghetti Western fare, and a perfect example of the deterioration of the genre during the seventies, it does have three main factors that make it quite watchable :

1 - Lee Van Cleef himself - although this is a real LVC by numbers effort, the man has a screen presence that can rescue even the worst of films.

2 - The afore-mentioned theme tune.

3 - Caroll Baker and Elisa Montes (thats just the male hormones working! And anyway ladies, you get the bonus of a near naked Lee Van Cleef, so no accusing me of gawping!).

Aside from this, there are some other really good moments (Captain Apache insulting the two twins, the death of the Mexican General (played by Jose Bodalo) and a handful of other scenes that I chuckled at at the time but have since left my mind). At times the editing between scenes was quite poor (at one point jumping from Captain Apache in bed with Maude, to them discovering the hanging body of the key witness). Well hung!

Don't let me put you off watching it, because it is an example of a film being so bad its good. I would never have imagined however that Lee Van Cleef crooning would be the highlight of a film!

If you've seen it, and you want to cast your vote, it would be great if you could go to http://mysite.wanadoo-members.co.uk/spaghettiwesterns/reviews/captainapache.html and do so.



Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: pixelated on February 21, 2007, 04:07:05 PM
all i can say, is this movie fucking rocks



Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: The Firecracker on February 22, 2007, 05:29:02 PM
all i can say, is this movie fucking rocks



Indeed.


Not exactly my greatest review (from "crappiest spaghetti westerns" thread) but here...


Review for "Captain Apache".



Their gonna tail em, trail em, try to nail em there...but WE haven't got a prayer.


"Captain Apache" is one of those films that is so incredibly awful that you cannot stop watching just to see what other atrocity it'll throw your way. It is also very entertaining becuase of its astrociousness(not a word).

The crap extravaganza opens to fake quotes(the last one is from Jesus) like...

"The only good Indian, is a dead Indian"

                                                   - Pale face saying

"The only good Pale face, is a dead Pale face"
                                                 
                                                   - Apache saying

"Love thy neighbor"

                            -Forgotten source

that last one is especially hilarious.

The quotes are followed by the theme song of the film and accompanied by several shots that are both future shots in the film and what one would assume to be an outtake. This gives the whole movie a early 60's western television show feel to it. Shows like "Rawhide" come to mind when seeing the intro to Captain Apache.
What comes after the intro is a series of rather strange characters introduced in different points of the picture. Lee Van Cleef looks like a featherless eagle as he plays the beardless Apache government agent, and if that isnt weird enough we have two strange looking twins as baddies, and a witch(yes a witch!). The plot is actually very similar to Orson Welles's "Citizen Kane", in that Captain Apache is assigned to investigate what the meaning of a dying government officials last words were. The last words uttered by the official were "April Morning". Every time the captain gets somebody to talk about "april morning" they are mysteriously shot out of nowhere(which is actualy quite silly if you think about it. How could this mysterious assasin be at the right place at the right time every time the Captain gets a lead?). Along the route to discovering the meaning of "april Morning" captain Apache must ward of the witch mentioned earlier and the evil twins. In one hilarious sequence the witch drugs Van Cleef for no particular reason and Van Cleef begins to hallucinate about a very colorful cave(which suspiciously look like the "Hell" set from the second film in the "Coffin Joe" series). After that trippy sequence there is an uproariously bad fist fight between Captain Apache and a pair of the witch's hired thugs(since when do witch's need thugs? It would have helped her image of being a witch if she hung around black cats. I would have liked a fight sequence with the captain against a band of nasty cats). The Filmmakers did nothing to try and hide the fact that Van Cleef was not the one fighting the two thugs. throughout the whole fight you can tell its a stunt man. later Van Cleef gets almost stark naked in order to speak to his Apache chief. The very sight of Van Cleef's muscular body fitting itself in a tiny piece of cloth covering his privates is enough to make me risk a heart attack from laughing so damn hard.

To make things even more ridiculous, the meaning of "April Morning" turns out to be a secret assignment to assassinate the president of the United States. Captain Apache of course saves the day in the nick of time. It all ends with Van Cleef singing "April Morning" on the soundtrack during the closing credits.

The funniest quotes Van Cleef ever used can all be found in this one film. Here are a few...

"You call me red ass too!!!!"

"Its full of snakes!!!!"

"teach me the ways of the white man"
 

Music: Top- notch, in a campy sort of way. The arrangement of the songs arent as bad as you would think though.

Actors:

Lee Van Cleef: Van Cleef looks like he is actually having a rather good time with the role, he hams up the part very nicley. I am surprised he never went into making straight out comedy movies(not just western comedies), all indication in this film shows that he would be perfect as a comedic actor.

Carrol Baker: Forever known for "Baby Doll", Baker plays her character "Maude" as a typical ditzy blonde. Her Main purpose in the film... well.....I am still struggling with that answer. One would think she would be a love interest for Cleefy but that doesnt seem like the case. She just hangs around until the end where she exposes some sort of care(or sympathy) for Captain Apache, and yet she calls him a "dumb indian". I couldnt tell you anything more.

the rest of the cast is all just playing off Cleefy and they are not worth mentioning.

Overall: I am not sure whether to take the film seriously or see it as an actual comedy. To defend it, I think it is a comedy(I hope). Either way this film should not be missed by Lee Van Cleef fans. You can pick up a copy for dirt cheap pretty much anywhere that sells westerns.

Or if you want  the crisp widescreen treatment you can pick up a copy at   www.Xploitedcinema.com


CRAP METER:9

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE:10


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: pixelated on February 22, 2007, 07:04:34 PM
great review. i laughed my ass off through the whole movie as well... i find it especially funny that i mistakenly rented the "laugh track" release with the over-dubbed mock audio, watched the original first, and still found the original one of the funniest movies i've ever seen

i enjoyed it so much i'm tempted to get that widescreen release, but i'm afraid that it will ruin some of the fun to view it in any better quality.

i do wonder if the one i have is cut and how much.. there are several scenes where it just jumps from one scene to a new one, leaving me there like wtf? this happens during a couple action scenes, where it seems like a good opportunity for some nice gritty violence... perhaps they just couldn't afford the shots...

sooo many one-liners delivered perfectly by van cleef.

the alcohol fueled crazy indian beating of the twins was great...

 O0


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Banjo on February 23, 2007, 05:40:06 AM
Superb review Firecracker.
I hope you're gonna follow Leone Admirers lead and bring back your "obscure" and "crappiest" sw threads.
 ;)


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: The Firecracker on February 25, 2007, 08:10:12 PM
Superb review Firecracker.
I hope you're gonna follow Leone Admirers lead and bring back your "obscure" and "crappiest" sw threads.
 ;)


well in all honesty Banjo that review was ripped straight from my "crappiest" thread.


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: New Brandon on February 27, 2007, 06:45:57 PM
It's pretty rare to see a clean-shaven Lee Van Cleef, as far as I know.

I believe I own this on one of those budget eight-in-one two disc sets.


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Tucumcari Bound on February 27, 2007, 08:30:52 PM
I've never seen this. I'll have to check it out even though it sounds pretty bad.


Title: Captain Apache Thursday 31 January 11:50pm - 1:20am BBC2
Post by: Ramon on January 18, 2008, 11:16:53 AM
Captain Apache Thursday 31 January
11:50pm - 1:20am
BBC2
This is one of a series of ferociously violent westerns produced by a group of left-leaning American expatriates who fetched up in Spain in the late 1960s and early 1970s. Director Alexander Singer once made the now forgotten urban mini-masterpiece A Cold Wind in August, but he seems less happy here. Nevertheless, he makes excellent use of the landscape and manages to generate some real tension. There's also a bizarre supporting turn from English character actor Percy Herbert, who holds his own against such western stalwarts as Stuart Whitman and Lee Van Cleef as the titular native American warrior.
Tell us what you think
Email us at rtfilmcomments@bbc.co.uk to tell us what you think of this film. Your comments may appear in Radio Times magazine.
VIDEO Plus+: 396832
Subtitled, Widescreen
Cast
Captain Apache - Lee Van Cleef
Maude - Carroll Baker
Griffin - Stuart Whitman
Moon - Percy Herbert
Rosita - Elisa MontÚs
Snake - Tony Vogel
O'Rourke - Charles Stalnaker
Sanchez - Charlie Bravo
General Ryland - Hugh McDermott
Abigail - Faith Clift
Al - Dan Van Husen
Ezekiel - Luis Induni
Directed by: Alexander Singer
Filmed in: 1971


Title: Re: Captain Apache Thursday 31 January 11:50pm - 1:20am BBC2
Post by: The Firecracker on January 18, 2008, 02:02:25 PM
Captain Apache Thursday 31 January
11:50pm - 1:20am
BBC2
This is one of a series of ferociously violent westerns



BBC2 must be mistaken.
This is a poorly made comedy.
No real violence or seriousness to speak of.
Could that synopsis have been written by the great (liar) Thomas Weisser?
Or perhaps it was somebody as equally uninformed?

My review...

(http://spaghettiwesterns.1g.fi/captain/Captain_Apache_02.jpg)


Their gonna tail em, trail em, try to nail em there...but WE haven't got a prayer.


"Captain Apache" is one of those films that is so incredibly awful that you cannot stop watching just to see what other atrocity it'll throw your way. It is also very entertaining becuase of its astrociousness(not a word).

The crap extravaganza opens to fake quotes(the last one is from Jesus) like...

"The only good Indian, is a dead Indian"

                                                   - Pale face saying

"The only good Pale face, is a dead Pale face"
                                                 
                                                   - Apache saying

"Love thy neighbor"

                            -Forgotten source

that last one is especially hilarious.

The quotes are followed by the theme song of the film and accompanied by several shots that are both future shots in the film and what one would assume to be an outtake. This gives the whole movie a early 60's western television show feel to it. Shows like "Rawhide" come to mind when seeing the intro to Captain Apache.
What comes after the intro is a series of rather strange characters introduced in different points of the picture. Lee Van Cleef looks like a featherless eagle as he plays the beardless Apache government agent, and if that isnt weird enough we have two strange looking twins as baddies, and a witch(yes a witch!). The plot is actually very similar to Orson Welles's "Citizen Kane", in that Captain Apache is assigned to investigate what the meaning of a dying government officials last words were. The last words uttered by the official were "April Morning". Every time the captain gets somebody to talk about "april morning" they are mysteriously shot out of nowhere(which is actualy quite silly if you think about it. How could this mysterious assasin be at the right place at the right time every time the Captain gets a lead?). Along the route to discovering the meaning of "april Morning" captain Apache must ward of the witch mentioned earlier and the evil twins. In one hilarious sequence the witch drugs Van Cleef for no particular reason and Van Cleef begins to hallucinate about a very colorful cave(which suspiciously look like the "Hell" set from the second film in the "Coffin Joe" series). After that trippy sequence there is an uproariously bad fist fight between Captain Apache and a pair of the witch's hired thugs(since when do witch's need thugs? It would have helped her image of being a witch if she hung around black cats. I would have liked a fight sequence with the captain against a band of nasty cats). The Filmmakers did nothing to try and hide the fact that Van Cleef was not the one fighting the two thugs. throughout the whole fight you can tell its a stunt man. later Van Cleef gets almost stark naked in order to speak to his Apache chief. The very sight of Van Cleef's muscular body fitting itself in a tiny piece of cloth covering his privates is enough to make me risk a heart attack from laughing so damn hard.

To make things even more ridiculous, the meaning of "April Morning" turns out to be a secret assignment to assassinate the president of the United States. Captain Apache of course saves the day in the nick of time. It all ends with Van Cleef singing "April Morning" on the soundtrack during the closing credits.

The funniest quotes Van Cleef ever used can all be found in this one film. Here are a few...

"You call me red ass too!!!!"

"Its full of snakes!!!!"

"teach me the ways of the white man"
 

Music: Top- notch, in a campy sort of way. The arrangement of the songs arent as bad as you would think though.

Actors:

Lee Van Cleef: Van Cleef looks like he is actually having a rather good time with the role, he hams up the part very nicley. I am surprised he never went into making straight out comedy movies(not just western comedies), all indication in this film shows that he would be perfect as a comedic actor.

Carrol Baker: Forever known for "Baby Doll", Baker plays her character "Maude" as a typical ditzy blonde. Her Main purpose in the film... well.....I am still struggling with that answer. One would think she would be a love interest for Cleefy but that doesnt seem like the case. She just hangs around until the end where she exposes some sort of care(or sympathy) for Captain Apache, and yet she calls him a "dumb indian". I couldnt tell you anything more.

the rest of the cast is all just playing off Cleefy and they are not worth mentioning.

Overall: I am not sure whether to take the film seriously or see it as an actual comedy. To defend it, I think it is a comedy(I hope). Either way this film should not be missed by Lee Van Cleef fans. You can pick up a copy for dirt cheap pretty much anywhere that sells westerns.

Or if you want  the crisp widescreen treatment you can pick up a copy at   www.Xploitedcinema.com


CRAP METER:9

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE:10


Title: Re: Captain Apache Thursday 31 January 11:50pm - 1:20am BBC2
Post by: geoman-1 on January 18, 2008, 03:16:24 PM
Wow. Thanks for the in-depth critique FC. Fascinating read.


Title: Re: Captain Apache Thursday 31 January 11:50pm - 1:20am BBC2
Post by: Ramon on January 18, 2008, 03:25:02 PM
You should be doing the BBC reviews FC, I didn't recognise their description either! I find the movie memorable from LVC singing the theme tune.


Title: Re: Captain Apache Thursday 31 January 11:50pm - 1:20am BBC2
Post by: The Firecracker on January 18, 2008, 03:48:49 PM
Wow. Thanks for the in-depth critique FC. Fascinating read.


A copy and paste job from my own thread...

http://www.fistful-of-leone.com/forums/index.php?topic=2976.0

The reviews are just as bad as the films in my opinion.

Check out some of my better reviews here...

http://www.fistful-of-leone.com/forums/index.php?topic=3802.0


Title: Re: Captain Apache Thursday 31 January 11:50pm - 1:20am BBC2
Post by: The Firecracker on January 18, 2008, 03:56:45 PM
I find the movie memorable from LVC singing the theme tune.


Yes, I think the arrangement to the song is fantastic. The song used to be listenable through Shobary's site but apparently I can only download it to my jukebox. I'm not able to post it here :-\


Title: Re: Captain Apache Thursday 31 January 11:50pm - 1:20am BBC2
Post by: Arizona Colt on January 23, 2008, 11:21:48 PM

BBC2 must be mistaken.
This is a poorly made comedy.
No real violence or seriousness to speak of.
Could that synopsis have been written by the great (liar) Thomas Weisser?
Or perhaps it was somebody as equally uninformed?

My review...

(http://spaghettiwesterns.1g.fi/captain/Captain_Apache_02.jpg)


Their gonna tail em, trail em, try to nail em there...but WE haven't got a prayer.


"Captain Apache" is one of those films that is so incredibly awful that you cannot stop watching just to see what other atrocity it'll throw your way. It is also very entertaining becuase of its astrociousness(not a word).

The crap extravaganza opens to fake quotes(the last one is from Jesus) like...

"The only good Indian, is a dead Indian"

                                                   - Pale face saying

"The only good Pale face, is a dead Pale face"
                                                 
                                                   - Apache saying

"Love thy neighbor"

                            -Forgotten source

that last one is especially hilarious.

The quotes are followed by the theme song of the film and accompanied by several shots that are both future shots in the film and what one would assume to be an outtake. This gives the whole movie a early 60's western television show feel to it. Shows like "Rawhide" come to mind when seeing the intro to Captain Apache.
What comes after the intro is a series of rather strange characters introduced in different points of the picture. Lee Van Cleef looks like a featherless eagle as he plays the beardless Apache government agent, and if that isnt weird enough we have two strange looking twins as baddies, and a witch(yes a witch!). The plot is actually very similar to Orson Welles's "Citizen Kane", in that Captain Apache is assigned to investigate what the meaning of a dying government officials last words were. The last words uttered by the official were "April Morning". Every time the captain gets somebody to talk about "april morning" they are mysteriously shot out of nowhere(which is actualy quite silly if you think about it. How could this mysterious assasin be at the right place at the right time every time the Captain gets a lead?). Along the route to discovering the meaning of "april Morning" captain Apache must ward of the witch mentioned earlier and the evil twins. In one hilarious sequence the witch drugs Van Cleef for no particular reason and Van Cleef begins to hallucinate about a very colorful cave(which suspiciously look like the "Hell" set from the second film in the "Coffin Joe" series). After that trippy sequence there is an uproariously bad fist fight between Captain Apache and a pair of the witch's hired thugs(since when do witch's need thugs? It would have helped her image of being a witch if she hung around black cats. I would have liked a fight sequence with the captain against a band of nasty cats). The Filmmakers did nothing to try and hide the fact that Van Cleef was not the one fighting the two thugs. throughout the whole fight you can tell its a stunt man. later Van Cleef gets almost stark naked in order to speak to his Apache chief. The very sight of Van Cleef's muscular body fitting itself in a tiny piece of cloth covering his privates is enough to make me risk a heart attack from laughing so damn hard.

To make things even more ridiculous, the meaning of "April Morning" turns out to be a secret assignment to assassinate the president of the United States. Captain Apache of course saves the day in the nick of time. It all ends with Van Cleef singing "April Morning" on the soundtrack during the closing credits.

The funniest quotes Van Cleef ever used can all be found in this one film. Here are a few...

"You call me red ass too!!!!"

"Its full of snakes!!!!"

"teach me the ways of the white man"
 

Music: Top- notch, in a campy sort of way. The arrangement of the songs arent as bad as you would think though.

Actors:

Lee Van Cleef: Van Cleef looks like he is actually having a rather good time with the role, he hams up the part very nicley. I am surprised he never went into making straight out comedy movies(not just western comedies), all indication in this film shows that he would be perfect as a comedic actor.

Carrol Baker: Forever known for "Baby Doll", Baker plays her character "Maude" as a typical ditzy blonde. Her Main purpose in the film... well.....I am still struggling with that answer. One would think she would be a love interest for Cleefy but that doesnt seem like the case. She just hangs around until the end where she exposes some sort of care(or sympathy) for Captain Apache, and yet she calls him a "dumb indian". I couldnt tell you anything more.

the rest of the cast is all just playing off Cleefy and they are not worth mentioning.

Overall: I am not sure whether to take the film seriously or see it as an actual comedy. To defend it, I think it is a comedy(I hope). Either way this film should not be missed by Lee Van Cleef fans. You can pick up a copy for dirt cheap pretty much anywhere that sells westerns.

Or if you want  the crisp widescreen treatment you can pick up a copy at   www.Xploitedcinema.com


CRAP METER:9

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE:10


 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: O'Cangaceiro on March 14, 2009, 09:26:05 PM
Being a LVC admirer, I decided I had to watch Captain Apache to see if it was as bad as the reviews say. And after 90 painful minutes in front of the TV, I came to the conclusion that it is even worse than Bad Man's River or God's Gun (and those two are really bad!!).  :o


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: Banjo on March 19, 2009, 05:17:23 PM
Very bad film and as FC stated 9/10 on the crapometer but still 10/10 on entertainment value. :D


Title: Re: Captain Apache
Post by: titoli on September 17, 2012, 03:10:01 AM
I saw the movie yesterday and I don't remember if I saw this in a theatre though I'm sure I saw the bare chested, metrosexual scene before. And I sure would have removed it from my memory as the movie has little to nothing to offer, let alone LVC's beaver on his head0. I don't know who Alexander Singer is but I would have bet this was a Margheriti movie: he shot that kind of plot n times, even with LVC. I also think LVC sang only the final credit song, not the start credit one. 3\10