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Films of Sergio Leone => Other Films => Topic started by: The Firecracker on March 03, 2006, 12:52:20 PM



Title: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 03, 2006, 12:52:20 PM
I have made it my life long goal to watch every single spaghetti western in existance, a daunting task i know. which includes the crappy ones also. why do I want to do this you ask? because i dont want to believe that i am missing out on something special. because to me, italian westerns, are special. and i dont want to miss one moment of it.

anyway the below is going to soon be filled with reviews for the suckiest spaghetti westerns. why? because I just want to be helpful to those who just want to see quality spaghetti as opposed to crap spaghetti. my reviews will allow these individuals to know what sucks so they can stay away from it.
the first of the reviews is W Django. while it is not immense crap...it certainly is pretty crappy for the price those bastards are asking for the dvd. read the following for more info...






review of W Django(aka A man called Django)

for those who have eyed this on wwwxploitedcinema.com dont even think about it. it is not worth the 20 dollar or so price tag. save it for something else.

anthony stephen stars as django and he is in search for the men that raped and killed his wife. first off i was expecting the transfer to be decent since i am paying over 20 dollars for it. boy was i wrong. the thieving bastards who made this dvd should be ashamed of themselves. the transfer is pretty bad and the movie is cut to ribbons. there are several scenes where at least a second of film is skipped. you can tell by the missing frames. and this doesnt happen just once or twice. it happens at least a total of seven times(which is unexceptable!). they could have at least been discrete about it, but no, they dont even give the viewer enough credit to be sneaky about them leaving out shots. they figured "just take out shots, these morons wont tell the difference."

also the film while entertaining, is not much of a gem for you tell shell out 20 bucks for. the film cannot decide whether to take the plot seriously or to treat it as a slapstick comedy. there are times when the action is deadly serious with gritty realism, then when django ties a rope to his enemy's bed to his horse and takes the bed for a joy ride....you cannot help but shake youre head in embarassment.however there are a few neat little moments in W Django from keeping it from being a total loss, for example for those who have seen Once upon a time in Mexico, most will remember the johnny depp character to have a fake third arm to fool enemys into thinking he is dis-armed. well the same is true in this film. there is a scene where steffen uses a fake wooden arm. apparently robert rodriguez saw this film. also there is a nice twist ending in the film(though you could see it coming from a mile away).

DONT PAY FOR THIS!
if you could get it for a good $7.99 that is fine but the 20 dollars price tag is not acceptable.


all and all...dont waste youre time. steffen has done better spaghetti westerns then this garbage.





CRAP METER:4

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE:7


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 03, 2006, 09:24:07 PM
review for Kid Vengeance

Though alot  of you have already heard about the crappy reputation this film has, perhaps you are not familiar as to WHY it has a crappy reputation. well trust me, there are plenty of reasons WHY.


the premise is the same tired old plot of "revenge for slaughtered family" plotline only with a twist(unfortunatly not a good one) a child is the one seeking revenge for his family that was killed by outlaws. the outlaw gang is run by none other than Lee van cleef himself, and i sure as hell wish he didnt. this movie is an insult to his filmography. he looks like a deranged hippie who hasnt gotten laid since woodstock. and his usually good "tough guy" acting decided to take a holiday while filming this awful rubbish. It is painful to see such a great talent go to waste right before youre eyes. but painful or not, it happens. luckily he is underused in the film(normally that is a bad thing, but here..it aint.).
child actor Lief Garret doesnt fair much better as the vengeance seeking little tyke. his role is to just look pissed during his journey for justice and cry while his mom is being raped by Van cleef. oh and i forgot to mention he is on the trail not only for revenge but to save his big sister whom the bandits kidnapped to sell off to a child slave labor camp.

now in its defense there are a few clever things that the kid does to exact his revenge. oh who am i kidding? he does one thing that was interesting. while one of the bandits are asleep the kid sneaks up to his boot and puts a snake in it. when the bandit wakes up he puts the boot on and OUCH! one dead bandit. Intreresting killings that could have saved the film from being an utter disgrace END HERE.
anyway, along the way the kid meets up with Jim Brown and he decides to help the kid upon his quest for some reason(i dont know why though, i am sure there was a good valid reason for it, but at this point were an hour into the film and i was a good 20 minutes into a daydream at that point in the film). there is nothing to criticize Jim Brown about here, because he doesnt do much of anything to praise or criticize. there isnt much more to say here. i could make a list with 100 reasons why this film sucks but what is the point? you know it sucks, I know it sucks. nuff said. this is for sure the top five worst spaghetti westerns out there. dont waste youre time.

remember i watch this trite, so you dont have to. ;D ;)



CRAP METER:10

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE:1


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: cigar joe on March 04, 2006, 07:27:32 PM
Thanks great stuff and keep going, also cover score, sets, and senery locations, for some SW's all they have worthwhile is the score.


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 05, 2006, 05:01:06 PM
Thanks great stuff and keep going, also cover score, sets, and senery locations, for some SW's all they have worthwhile is the score.

Thanks for the support Joe. youre right I  should include all those things. I will on my next post. the last two were a bit of a rush job. I am sure it shows.


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 05, 2006, 05:47:33 PM
review for "It can be done amigo"

My experience with comedy spag westerns have always been pleasent. They have always been surprisingly funny. even the ones that were unfunny had a certain charm to them that kept the film from falling apart. however this ungratful mess falls apart from the moment it starts. we have Bud spencer as the lead. and Jack palance as the villian. Spencers character is being chased by the psychotic palance across the desert. for reasons that are unknown to the audience for the moment. it is later discovered that Spencer slept with palance's sister, now palance wants to force the two into marriage. along the way spencer runs into a dieing old man whose last wishes are to escort his grandson to a property that he owns which also includes a supposed "vast fortune". reluctantly spencer accepts. the boy and spencer reach the property only to find out it is a complete abandoned mess. the sheriff of the town shows up and suspiciously asks to buy the mess for 5,000 dollars. the boy refuses much to spencer's dismay. Now anybody can figure out by this point that the property, though it looks like crap, is probably sitting on a gold mine, hence the asking price. but this does not dawn on our hero at the moment. so now we must be subjected to a full half hour of joining spencer walking around town asking folks about the property to see why the sheriff would ask so much for it. So we have to sit through a mini mystery which we already know the outcome too........Y-A-W-N. and not only is it boring, it completly stops the movie dead in its tracks(though some may argue the movie never got moving in the first place) you totally forget about the jack palances character. as a matter of fact, why does he stop chasing him during this half hour? he is nowhere to be seen.  finally a hooker tells spencer there has been a rumor that "there be gold in dem hills". to bad the audience was way too ahead of the film to actaully be surprised. and the fact that a hooker tells him, A HOOKER! of all people(*note* i am not biased against hookers dont send me hate mail.).

after the little "mini mystery" the plot gets going again and jack palance finally shows up and forces spencer to marry his sister. it all ends to a big climax where the greedy sheriffs deputies go to try to "land grab" the property that is owned by spencers child friend. but there is no gunfight...somehow all of the deputies pistols malfunction all at once(this is never explained) and they end up having a big fist fight with spencer.
to top this embarassing film off there is an unfunny(and borderline insultive) "wife beating joke" at the very end.

oh and by the way...the hidden gold of the property turns out to be the black kind.


Actors
Bud spencer: I have always had my suspicion that Bud was never able to carry a comedic role without Terence Hill. My suspicion have been confirmed. he is unfunny when he does not have someone around to bounce off his dead- pan humor. but comedic performance aside...there is a heart warming scene between him and the little boy which made me think that they were actually gonna go a certain direction with the film...but it went nowhere after that scene.

Jack Palance: he faulters in the first scenes he is in but then redeems himself during his later scenes as the comic bad guy. he is really funny as spencers new brother in law.

The Music: I must admit i forgot who composed the music, i believe it was either Bruno nicolai or Luis e. bacalov. either way, those two are uaually reliable, and they fail miserably here. the title song is the only music i remember from the film, not because it was good though, but because it WAS the only piece of music in the film. it plays in the begining and never plays again, the rest of the film has no music at all. the whole soundtrack is vacant except for the final brawl which was like circus music. awful soundtrack.


needless to say...DONT BOTHER WITH THIS FILM!
I got it in a box set with other spaghettis. that is the only way i would recommend this trash, just to see Jack palance(though even he is not a good reason to sit through this.)



CRAP METER:9

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE:3


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 06, 2006, 03:19:36 AM
I've just received the Diamond Entertainment 13 SW box set and i now have this same movie twice over and they both appear to be the same very poor print which doesn't help. I've already given this film a look a couple of times and yes it is truly bad especially the annoying brat and the terrible music.
Boot Hill which i haven't seen yet is on the same set and from what i've read(none of it very good!) about this i'm probably going to leave this till last-i checked the picture quality though and similar to the other Bud Spencer film this is pretty awful too!
I have the other two Bud/Terence films in the Colizzi trilogy and i'd have to say that the first God Forgives is overlong,boring,totally lacking humour and not far from being crap in my books.However i do take issue with the suggestion that Ace High is crap which although again maybe a tad overlong is worth having for Eli Wallach great Tuco-like character and his very enjoyable interaction with Bud & Terence,a reasonable storylne,good comedy and music.I'm certainly considering picking up the widescreen DVD having only the pan and scan vhs.
Finally Stranger and the Gunfighter may be far from "classic" and definately nowhere near LVC's best in his heyday but i still love this East meets West meets dodgy '70's sex comedy film.Among other things the idea of the sadastic black leather clad gun toting priest who pulls around a whole church on his wagon is totally inspired and brilliant.I'll wait for the full review of this one but again i'm looking to exchange a crap quality vhs for a decent widescreen dvd!
By the way Firecracker how many SW's do you have so far?


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 06, 2006, 04:49:53 PM
I've just received the Diamond Entertainment 13 SW box set and i now have this same movie twice over and they both appear to be the same very poor print which doesn't help. I've already given this film a look a couple of times and yes it is truly bad especially the annoying brat and the terrible music.
Boot Hill which i haven't seen yet is on the same set and from what i've read(none of it very good!) about this i'm probably going to leave this till last-i checked the picture quality though and similar to the other Bud Spencer film this is pretty awful too!
I have the other two Bud/Terence films in the Colizzi trilogy and i'd have to say that the first God Forgives is overlong,boring,totally lacking humour and not far from being crap in my books.However i do take issue with the suggestion that Ace High is crap which although again maybe a tad overlong is worth having for Eli Wallach great Tuco-like character and his very enjoyable interaction with Bud & Terence,a reasonable storylne,good comedy and music.I'm certainly considering picking up the widescreen DVD having only the pan and scan vhs.
Finally Stranger and the Gunfighter may be far from "classic" and definately nowhere near LVC's best in his heyday but i still love this East meets West meets dodgy '70's sex comedy film.Among other things the idea of the sadastic black leather clad gun toting priest who pulls around a whole church on his wagon is totally inspired and brilliant.I'll wait for the full review of this one but again i'm looking to exchange a crap quality vhs for a decent widescreen dvd!
By the way Firecracker how many SW's do you have so far?


I too purchased the diamond entertainment boxed set(which is how i received the spencer film). I have yet to see White camanche(which from what i have heard will end up on my crap list for reviewing.) and Savage Guns(likewise).nor have i seen "Between God the Devil and winchester". everything else...


i can vouch for these to be very entertaining from the box set
Minnessota clay
Cut throats nine(a pleasent surprise)
shangai Joe(also a surprise)
hellbenders
any gun can play

couldnt care less for...
johnny yuma
this man cant die(it will end up reviewed on my crap list eventually)
boot hill(as you already know)
find a place to die(will end up reviewed for crap list)


as for you watching Boot hill. dont even bother banjo. it is as BAD as you have read. perhaps worse. :P but then again you bought it....so might as well endure it at least once, to kill curiousity.

i have to disagree with you on Ace High. it was one of the first spaghetti westerns i bought. my transfer is crisp and it is in widscreen but it didnt help that i thought it was a horrible film. but since you mentioned you liked it...i will give it another view before I review it. perhaps i missed something the first time.


for the moment i have over 50 spaghetti westerns(those are not including the 5 leone ones.) i would name them all for you but i am not home at the moment and i cannot remember all the names for the life of me. if you want to know my list ask me on youre next post on this thread(hopefully i will be home).




Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 06, 2006, 06:57:01 PM
review for
Stranger and the gunfighter


ok...here we go.....


I really, really ,really really wanted to like this film...REALLY. but I couldnt bring myself to like it. true it has some really funny and shining moments that make the film somewhat worth seeing(the key word is "somewhat") but all the few fun moments are bogged down by all the other scenes that contain nothing but mindless and boring drivel. so all the good stuff is way outnumbered by all the bad stuff.

the story is about a bum safe cracker(Van cleef) named Dakota. Dakota arrives at a town where he hopes to steal the fortune of wealthy china man Wang. Dakota enters the bank where Wang keeps his supposed fortune in several safes. Dakota opens each safe only to be dissappointed in finding nothing but some pictures of the womens nude backsides(or as Dakota would say..."asses"). while opening the last safe with dynamite, dakota accidently kills Wang. Dakota is arrested and sentenced to a hanging.

meanwhile we are introduced to Wang's nephew Ho. the intro to this new character takes place in china. and oh boy what a long and boring intro it is. we spend way to much time in china(a tedious 7 minutes). this scene only shows that a chinese warlord wishes for Ho to go to america to find his uncle's fortune(which the warlord gave his uncle for some reason), because all that was sent from america was a wooden statue of an indian. the scene also demonstrates that Ho is efficent in the art of kung-fu. this scene suffers from its lenght. all the information I mentioned above about the scene could have been squeezed into at least a 3 minute running time as opposed to a long and dreary 7 minutes. Anyway...Ho arrives at america only to find out that his uncle was "murdered" by outlaw Dakota during a failed bank heist, Ho is given the pictures Dakota found in his uncle's safes. lucky for Ho, he has arrived on the day of Dakota's execution. Ho wants answers from the outlaw and saves him from the hanging. the two come up  with the assumption that the fortune can be found by finding the women in the pictures and having a look at there back sides which have been tatooed with a "clue" to where the fortune is. In pursuit is our villian of the piece, a nut-job preacher who travels around in a mobile chapel(one of the only visual gags that work in the film). to bad he doesnt work very well as a villain. he is more of a clumsy oaf then any real threat to our heroes. to bad, because he could have really been a threatening presence. the filmmakers wasted the oppertunity by making him more comical then needed. well...after all the characters have been introduced all that is left to say about the film is that it is a rather long silly and rambling story. there is one overly long kung-fu scene that takes place in a back room of a gambling house(in the laundry if I remember correctly). the kung fu in that scene is badly done and clocks in about a good 4 minutes on my version. I rememeber wanting to shut it off(my finger was very close to pressing the stop button).after that mishap, the badly choregraphed kung-fu doesnt spring up again until the climax(thank the lord)
and by then it was improved...marginally. what is in between that is more rambling and most of the time "boring story". at the end the bad preacher man catches several bullets from van cleef, which was cool(only because his death was complete with squibs and up until now...there were no squibs in the film). anyway the money was not found in america, instead the fortune turned out to be inside the wooden indian statue back in china, which just pissed me off because I didnt really have to endure the 104 minutes of this film if only they found it in the statue the first 10 minutes of the film. And this whole "surprise (GOTCHA!)" ending just cheats the audience in the most embarassing way.
ah man what a waste.

actors:

van cleef: Van Cleef is credited as making some of the best spaghetti westerns(Death rides a horse, Day of anger, Big gundown etc.) but he is also credited as making the worst(Captain apache, Bad man's river, God's gun etc.). this film (to me) is part of the latter. and it doesnt help that his acting seems so forced here. he is very unconvincing when portraying anger through dialogue(something I have noticed also in "Beyond the Law"). he just looks so uncomfortable when he has to spout out something angry. He gets anger across much better when he doesnt have to say anything. unfortunatly this role requires him to be a comic character that talks alot and is prone to angry out burst like "what the hell!" and "what is that supposed to mean!" *sigh*

whats his face?(sorry forgot the actors name, the chinese man who plays Ho):does a typical chinese stereotype role. complete with fortune cookie logic.

the Music: Nothing special, it does it's job though. It aint horrible.

The Good:
1. Lee van cleef singing just before he is going to be hanged is always a welcome addition for camp value.

2. Lee van cleef's facial expressions after drinking "chinese liquor".

3. Lee van cleef autographing the naked ass of a french women.
4. (my personal fav) Lee van cleef impersonating an englishman.

5. the preacher proclaiming "me for instance" after a hooker asks a man "who would want to hit a nice young man like you?"


The Bad:
everything else....

and the Ugly:
the fact that I actually sat through this.




DONT WASTE YOURE CASH! I was lucky enough to acquire this for $3.00 from an ebay seller called jerksi. And that was even a waste.

WATCH OUT for a film called Blood Money. it is the same film masquerading around under a different name.

those looking for a good "east meets west" spag, check out Shanghai Joe(recommended by me).



CRAP METER:6

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE:6


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 07, 2006, 09:07:13 AM
I'm sticking to my guns with this one-being a big fan of the David Carradine Kung Fu series(i'm looking forward to the Shanghai Joe film!) i quite enjoyed all that Chinese footage but i agree the fighting scenes are a bit dodgy to say the least .In terms of originality the Hell Angel lookalike priest  and his mobile chapel is great  and LVC sense of humour throughout is terrific-and who can fault all those lovely tatooed behinds?.I only paid a couple of quid for my vhs but i'd consider buying the widescreen dvd for a fiver or so which is what i've paid for each Leone SE dvd.
My box set only arrived last Saturday and i've only watched Johnny Yuma so far and i really enjoyed this.I did have a sneaky look at the Any Gun Can Play intro with the Clint/LVC/Django lookalikes(not on my vhs copy!) and yeau i'm now pleased to have this scene.I also already have Hellbenders which i like and Cut Throats Nine which is a dreadful film.


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 08, 2006, 03:11:46 PM
Cut Throats Nine which is a dreadful film.


That is a shame you didnt like it. personally I found it very entertaining.
perhaps because I went in with very bad expectations.




moving on...

I would like to make an update to my W Django review. xploited cinema has changed the dvd they had for it to a german version one. apparently this new one has a way better picture quality and has a better wide screen format then the one I own. However it only has italian audio with no subtitles. The dvd that I own has english subtitles in it. but this german one still is over priced(better transfer or not). wait until it goes down in price.

I heard this news while lurking about at the spaghetti western web board where I also heard news of the new Francocleef dvd "And God said to cain"(klaus kinski spag) but have yet to see it available to purchase. Is this correct? did francocleef reconstruct "and god said to cain"? or is this just a rumor?


p.s. I will get to the Boot Hill review either today or within the next couple of days.


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Sundance on March 08, 2006, 03:29:30 PM
I heard this news while lurking about at the spaghetti western web board where I also heard news of the new Francocleef dvd "And God said to cain"(klaus kinski spag) but have yet to see it available to purchase. Is this correct? did francocleef reconstruct "and god said to cain"? or is this just a rumor?

Yeah, Franco has made the disc. I'd guess xploitedcinema will have it up for sale soon. The disc uses the transfer from the german disc which unfortunately isn't in the correct aspect ratio. The film should be 2.35:1 but the disc is 1.85:1.

Global Video from South Africa may be making an official release of the film in english and correct aspect ratio... someday... maybe.


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 08, 2006, 03:32:14 PM
Yeah, Franco has made the disc. I'd guess xploitedcinema will have it up for sale soon. The disc uses the transfer from the german disc which unfortunately isn't in the correct aspect ratio. The film should be 2.35:1 but the disc is 1.85:1.

Global Video from South Africa may be making an official release of the film in english and correct aspect ratio... someday... maybe.

Thanks Sundance, but is the francocleef one worth it then?


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Sundance on March 08, 2006, 05:25:41 PM
Thanks Sundance, but is the francocleef one worth it then?

Well, uh... I don't know.  ;D

If you're interested in the movie, I'd guess it's worth it. I personally do not even own the disc, but the german disc looks good (two screenshots at http://garringo.cool.ne.jp/DVDs2006.htm ) and if you wait for 2.35:1 version you might end up never seeing the movie. ;) And atleast it's not fullscreen! ;D

As I said, it should get a release in South Africa probably in correct aspect ratio, but who knows when... and things can change. Also haven't heard of any other releases of it being prepared (which doesn't mean that there can't be any)


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 08, 2006, 05:34:49 PM
Well, uh... I don't know.  ;D

If you're interested in the movie, I'd guess it's worth it. I personally do not even own the disc, but the german disc looks good (two screenshots at http://garringo.cool.ne.jp/DVDs2006.htm ) and if you wait for 2.35:1 version you might end up never seeing the movie. ;) And atleast it's not fullscreen! ;D

As I said, it should get a release in South Africa probably in correct aspect ratio, but who knows when... and things can change. Also haven't heard of any other releases of it being prepared (which doesn't mean that there can't be any)

yeah i am gonna end up breakin down for franco's version cause those screenshots look great!

also they have the W Django german release i was talking about earlier as one of the screenshots. it looks great. but still not worth the price.


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 09, 2006, 03:42:41 AM

That is a shame you didnt like it. personally I found it very entertaining.
perhaps because I went in with very bad expectations.
Its one of those rare instances where the Shobary review is spot on.Its the only SW dvd where i bought it and then after taping it to maintain my sw collection i sold it on Ebay!


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 09, 2006, 03:11:36 PM
hey Banjo I have to apologize to you. Saw Ace High again after a year and a half of hating it.

I must say I was very entertained.

I was wondering the whole time as to why I disliked so much the first time?

I thought...

I thought...

and I thought...

and finally I came up with my conclusion.....

  It was the third non-leone spag I saw. The first two being Django(which I loved) and The great silence(which I love). It is safe to say those are top-notch spaghettis. however I cant say the same for Ace high. So I think that I was underwhelmed with the whole film.
I was expecting it to be as good as the first two, and of course it is not.

But I gave it a second chance and I ended up  liking it.
some scenes dont really work like the fight scenes with Bud and Terence are to slapsticky, and this is made to be a serious spaghetti. and also the last half hour of the film dragged a bit until we get that wonderful showdown at the end.

There was a particularly embarassing moment where Eli is preparing for the showdown and yells out "wait! I always pictured music at this moment". I started to laugh expecting Morricone to come out of no where with his orchestra and start playing "il triello". It took me out of the movie. But other than that, that showdown is done very well.

I thought eli should have died though. he did get shot, might as well have left him dead. the writers seemed to be to much of cowards to do so.

I liked Ace high so much, that it is no longer apart of my "reviews to crappy sw list".


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 10, 2006, 04:26:30 AM
Good to hear,i was expecting you to give the music a bit of stick which i think is mainly ok but one of the themes definately sounds like it belongs in the mental ward of One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest!
Firecracker what do you think of the Trinity films?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 10, 2006, 11:08:12 AM
Good to hear,i was expecting you to give the music a bit of stick which i think is mainly ok but one of the themes definately sounds like it belongs in the mental ward of One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest!
Firecracker what do you think of the Trinity films?

No I liked the music. the circus music wasnt that great. But overall the soundtrack does its job. I am particularly fond of the violin music at the end.

As for the trinity films. I really like the first one. I adore it even. The only gripe I have with it is the brawl at the end is a bit to long for my taste.

The second trinity film was a complete let down in my opinion. It works just fine 20 minutes in but after the stagecoach robbery gag(which was really funny) it all goes down hill and becomes very unfunny.
also the two films do have wonderful title music.

Banjo perhaps we can make an arrangment of sorts. You mentioned you wanted Ace high on widscreen. my dvd supports widescreen and a beautiful transfer. perhaps I can burn it for you and send you one. I recently got a new laptop that allows me to burn dvd's(I believe). Dont want to get youre hopes high just yet, I am not sure if it can burn dvd's or not. we shall see.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 10, 2006, 11:45:55 AM
review for...
Boot Hill


 "And the cats and the cradle and the silver spoon, boy whoever directed this was a real loon."(bad pun)


Before I get into the review I must say that this is the worst spaghetti western I have had the displeasure of watching. Boot Hill is the last of the Cat Stevens trilogy, the first two being "God forgives, I dont" and "Ace High." Let us begin.


Things start off interesting enough with are hero Cat Stevens(this character has no relation to the singer and is played by Terence hill) the mysterious gunslinger is in a dreary looking town being chased by several bad guys. A gunfight ensues between Cat and the bad guys. Cat is shot and crawls to the nearest hiding spot, the interior of a  traveling circus stagecoach(owned by a circus performer visiting the town there in). The circus leaves town bringing along there stagecoaches and Cat escapes. The wounded hero is discovered by circus trapeze artist Woody Strode( Now I like woody and I think he is a bad ass, unfortunatly this is a terrible role for him) in the most embarassing role I have ever seen him in. He spends most of the movie in an embarsassing circus outfit and is prone to do jimnastics...

...anyway. Woody and the other performers(including Lionel Stander in the role of the ringleader of the circus.) try to heal Cat while traveling to there next performance town. They arrive in a town that is owned by a greedy buissness man and his henchmen(the same bad guys who tried to kill Cat). The greedy town boss is after a mine that is owned by the miners of the town( I am not really sure what the guy wants for sure, by this time I just wanted to get through the movie so I can never watch it again). The town boss's henchmen end up killing some miners and a few circus performers. naturally the circus performers want revenge. they ask for the help of Cat to help rid these bastards. Cat agrees realizing that he would like to get rid of the people who shot him as much as these circus folk want to get rid of them for killing there friends. Cat seeks out his old friend Hutch(Bud Spencer) and trains the circus folk to fight. at the end the circus folk invite the town boss and his cronies to see a circus performance for free. They show up, all hell breaks loose....

....There is a overlong and boring gunfight for the finale which involves circus midgets beating up on random bad guys and circus performers firing their guns around not looking like they are actually hitting anything in particular. somehow they manage to win the fight though. There is a highlight moment in the gunfight where Cat stevens squares off in a showdown between him and a bad guy(presumably the one who shot him). The two do the whole routine thing, stare at each other for several seconds and such...then they FIRE. But you dont see either one of them get shot, the scene moves to something else and you dont find out until later who lived(Cat prevails of course, but it was still suspenseful and the only time any real imagination shows itself present in the film). As you can tell there is little action in the film. you are right. there is only the beginning gunfight and the end gunfight, leaving you with nothing interesting to watch for a good hour and 15 minutes. If that gap between gunfights were filmed with interesting characters and build up, that would be fine. but you get none of the here. You'll be bored to tears throughout the picture and you will cringe at some of the circus stuff that goes on in the film. I see the film as an endurance test. The circus clowns in the movie seem to be mocking you, to see how long you will endure this torture.

The Actors

Terence Hill: Hill is fine as clint eastwood errrrr...I mean Cat stevens, the lone cynical gunslinger. He did the same role better in the previous film "Ace High" though.

Bud Spencer: plays the same lovable brute he plays in every damn movie.

Woody Strode:..............................................................


Lionel Stander: does virtually nothing in this film. He doesnt even fight during the gunfight at the end. And he does NOTHING to escape the "creepy somewhat perverted old guy" image he has had in all his spaghetti westerns.


After thoughts:
For those who were eyeing the wild east dvd(though i am curious to see a decent transfer of this film.) dont get it. it aint worth it. no matter how much wild east boasts about there crisp transfer. They have a quote in the back saying "no spaghetti western fan should miss this". who the hell are they trying to fool?

the tagline of the movie was
"Boot Hill, where nobody died of natural causes."
.......................................................................................................................................yeah.
Because they died of boredom.



CRAP METER:9

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE:1


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 11, 2006, 06:38:06 AM
Banjo perhaps we can make an arrangment of sorts. You mentioned you wanted Ace high on widscreen. my dvd supports widescreen and a beautiful transfer. perhaps I can burn it for you and send you one. I recently got a new laptop that allows me to burn dvd's(I believe). Dont want to get youre hopes high just yet, I am not sure if it can burn dvd's or not. we shall see.
I'll send you a personal message.
I've purposely not read the Boot Hill review until i've seen it for myself.I started watching a bit of the Shanghai Joe film last night which is pretty good so far.I see that they've used Bruno Nicholais extremely cool score from Have A Good Funeral Sartana Will Pay!!!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 12, 2006, 03:31:03 AM
Watched the rest of Shanghai Joe yesterday - boy doesn't this get unnecessarily gory in places!This is a dumb cartoonish but entertaining sw,Kinski's pretty good as Scalping Jack as are the other bad guys.The Kung Fu is and marginally better than in Stranger and The Gunfighter but i really dislike all that slow motion flying in the air kind of stuff and the moves that are played backwards(yes theres a bit of this also in SATG)-this never happens in a Bruce Lee movie.
I still much prefer Stranger & The Gunfigter which oozes humour throughout which Shanghai Joe is definately lacking.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 12, 2006, 04:57:28 PM
Watched the rest of Shanghai Joe yesterday - boy doesn't this get unnecessarily gory in places!This is a dumb cartoonish but entertaining sw,Kinski's pretty good as Scalping Jack as are the other bad guys.The Kung Fu is and marginally better than in Stranger and The Gunfighter but i really dislike all that slow motion flying in the air kind of stuff and the moves that are played backwards(yes theres a bit of this also in SATG)-this never happens in a Bruce Lee movie.
I still much prefer Stranger & The Gunfigter which oozes humour throughout which Shanghai Joe is definately lacking.

shame you didnt like it as much as I did. I see you noticed its the same soundtrack as "Have a good funeral"(which in my opinion is the best soundtrack of the Sartana series).

I too found Joe's jumping and yelling "aeeeeeeeeee!" very annoying as well, but it didnt ruin the action for me. And I have to say that the kung-fu in this film is miles away from the awful dreck of
"Stranger and the gunfighter"(though I am aware that shanghai's kung-fu sequences are nothing special).


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 13, 2006, 06:58:08 AM
The kung fu guy in SATG is a much more likeable character and less one dimensional than Shanghai Joe and i find it hard to fathom his keeness in becoming a cowboy so much when the Amercican cowboys treat him so appallingly.
I like the SATG chinamans guile when he uses that contraption to win on the roulette wheel(LVC's hilarious in this scene btw) and gains access to one of the girls behinds via his acupuncture needles.
The soundtrack and the four villains hired to kill Shanghai Joe were the best thing in this film but i didn't care much for the samurai warrior or the fight sequence in the finale.


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 14, 2006, 06:26:26 AM
i can vouch for these to be very entertaining from the box set
Minnessota clay
I watched this last night and its not all that bad though a bit miserable do you think?I suppose we should expect this from an early Corbucci movie-i prefer Ringo and His Golden Pistol(now the penultimate worst Corbucci film in my collection-still they'e all good so far!) starring Mark Damon and much more spaghetti-esque in style!!
By the way you're the first person i heard less than complimentary comments about Johnny Yuma(also with Damon).What was wrong with this movie Firecracker?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Tim on March 14, 2006, 11:09:17 AM
  I don't know if it qualifies as a spaghetti western -- I can't find too much information on it -- but has anyone seen "The Proud and the Damned"?  Chuck Connors, the Rifleman, is the leader of a close knit group of Confederate mercenaries in an unidentified South American country.  They must decide whether to side with the evil dictator or the poor revolutionaries.

  This one was pretty bad, but I still found myself liking it, especially the ending (and no, not because it was over).  The costumes are pretty ridiculous, the budget is obviously minimal, and some of the script is laughable, but like I said, I still enjoyed it.  I bought it on VHS for $2.99 so it didn't bankrupt me.  If you'd like to see it, there are cheap dvd/vhs tapes available at Amazon.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 14, 2006, 02:18:54 PM
  I don't know if it qualifies as a spaghetti western -- I can't find too much information on it -- but has anyone seen "The Proud and the Damned"?  Chuck Connors, the Rifleman, is the leader of a close knit group of Confederate mercenaries in an unidentified South American country.  They must decide whether to side with the evil dictator or the poor revolutionaries.

  This one was pretty bad, but I still found myself liking it, especially the ending (and no, not because it was over).  The costumes are pretty ridiculous, the budget is obviously minimal, and some of the script is laughable, but like I said, I still enjoyed it.  I bought it on VHS for $2.99 so it didn't bankrupt me.  If you'd like to see it, there are cheap dvd/vhs tapes available at Amazon.

Cannot say I have heard of that Tim.
?????????????????????????????

Banjo: What do you mean by "miserable"? do you mean the downer ending of minnesota clay?????

If that is the case, no.  I was expecting the ending(thanks to shobary who in his infinite knowledge decides to yet again fill his reveiws with spoilers).


As for Johnny Yuma...It is not that I found it horrible...It is just that I found it a decent entry to the genre, not really anything to  rave about.
personally I think the director cannot decide wether he is making a comedy western or a serious one.
There are really brutal scenes in Johnny Yuma (the scene where the villian tortures yuma with the poke is very sadistic, also yuma smearing his blood on the bad dudes face is also brutal. The dehydration of the noirish "spider woman" and of course the killing of a child.) and then there are stupid whimsy scenes like the "peeping tom" parrot, and the incredibly annoying mexican peon sidekick. Also for me Yuma fails as a character. one minute he is happy go lucky, the next he is a cynical jerk. I very much preferred the hired killer(who is also the lover of the "spider woman") over Johnny Yuma.

Johnny Yuma is a fun romp, but fails in alot of things.

one minute action adventure comedy(Any gun can play) the next minute it is a brutal spaghetti western(Django). For it to work properly...it should have decided what it was going to be the first 5 minutes in.


Incidently...I have a sneaky suspicion that the scene where they kill the child is cut from the diamond entertainment version....is that so? I notice a really awkward jump(as if frames are missing) in that scene.
For anybody who has the Wild East version, could you please enlighten me on the subject.


"Find a place to die" review will be made soon.....


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 14, 2006, 02:27:09 PM
And speaking of Johnny Oro(which i do want to get eventually).

When is corbucci's other less popular film coming out? of course I am speaking of "The Specialist".

I have heard whispers of "special edition dvd" in the wind but I have yet to see this realized.

also anchor bay really needs to release the long promised "hellbenders" dvd.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 15, 2006, 03:12:33 AM
Cannot say I have heard of that Tim.
?????????????????????????????

Banjo: What do you mean by "miserable"? do you mean the downer ending of minnesota clay?????

If that is the case, no.  I was expecting the ending(thanks to shobary who in his infinite knowledge decides to yet again fill his reveiws with spoilers).


As for Johnny Yuma...It is not that I found it horrible...It is just that I found it a decent entry to the genre, not really anything to  rave about.
personally I think the director cannot decide wether he is making a comedy western or a serious one.
There are really brutal scenes in Johnny Yuma (the scene where the villian tortures yuma with the poke is very sadistic, also yuma smearing his blood on the bad dudes face is also brutal. The dehydration of the noirish "spider woman" and of course the killing of a child.) and then there are stupid whimsy scenes like the "peeping tom" parrot, and the incredibly annoying mexican peon sidekick. Also for me Yuma fails as a character. one minute he is happy go lucky, the next he is a cynical jerk. I very much preferred the hired killer(who is also the lover of the "spider woman") over Johnny Yuma.

Johnny Yuma is a fun romp, but fails in alot of things.

one minute action adventure comedy(Any gun can play) the next minute it is a brutal spaghetti western(Django). For it to work properly...it should have decided what it was going to be the first 5 minutes in.


Incidently...I have a sneaky suspicion that the scene where they kill the child is cut from the diamond entertainment version....is that so? I notice a really awkward jump(as if frames are missing) in that scene.
For anybody who has the Wild East version, could you please enlighten me on the subject.


"Find a place to die" review will be made soon.....
Minnessota Clay-yeau it didn't help because i watched this with the missus who wasn't enjoying it  and it is somewhat less than cheerful throughout with Clay gradually going blind and going from one nasty pickle to the next until his sad demise at the end-i really need to watch this through again by myself!
Johnny Yuma-i agree that the comedy sidekick was a major flaw with this movie although the parrot sequence with the lovely looking widow in the bath(nowadays we'd see a bit more of her!) was fun and i like the way she reacted to the ogling parrot.
I prefer Damon as the villain(he's great in Requiescant) but he was adequate and reasonably likeable in Johnny Yuma but i too really liked the Carradine character.
I know what you mean about the film being stuck in between two camps but i enjoyed the gothic-like feel(aided by a great musical score) to this movie especially that wonderful scene with the widow dresses in that extravagant black horror-like funeral garment as she leads her murdered husbands coffin on the wagon.I think her performance is possibly the best female sw villain i've seen.
Finally from what Leone Admirer says the cut scene with the child killing features with a German only audio on the Wildeast DVD-i think we're talking about 3/4 minutes footage-so i'm not losing any sleep over this!
I'll have to make Find A Place To Die my next sw to watch.-i've seen some great stills of this movie in a sw book btw!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 16, 2006, 11:21:36 AM
"Find a place to die" is not really utter trash but it draaaagggssssss.

I'll get into it more when I do the review.

but as for now I want to say that I am having some "family trouble" at the moment and I wont be on for a good week. So I'll have the review for you all then.
Bye  :) ;)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 17, 2006, 03:01:11 AM
I thought Find A Place To Die was ok but i know what you mean as it does drag in places.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 19, 2006, 12:46:36 AM
It is rather late for me to write a review for "Find a place to die" at the moment, I'll get on it some other time...for the moment I will give a mini review for "savage guns"(not to be confused with another early spaghetti western of the same name) which is also known as "His name was sam wallbash, but they called him amen" is directed by the "genre hack" of the spaghetti western genre(according to a book I own called "spaghetti westerns: the good the bad and the violent") Miles Deem, an alias for his real name Fidani Demofilo, the film is the definition of "trash". But it is entertaining trash, and it is never boring.

The plot is a standard revenge flick. A gang of outlaws enter a saloon and kill everybody in sight, all except for a gunfighter named sam(or amen if you prefer).sam survives the massacre and is hell-bent on revenge for the murder of his brother. turns out the outlaws are respected people in a town. Which makes sam's job a bit harder than need be.

The film has ludicrous acting, and the dialogue feels as if it were written by a 12 year old. Sometimes characters do things that are not rational. There are a bunch of plot holes every where.
There is an amusing scene that consist of a fist fight in a bar that goes on for a good 3 minutes and the kicker is, it has nothing to do with the story or the main characters. Its just there for no purpose at all. The main hero(robert woods, in the first spag western I have seen him in) looks like one of the blokes who gets shot in the opening gun battle of a spaghetti western rather than being the hero of one.

But some how with all its flaws(and there are alot) the film holds together. And it is very entertaining, a guilty pleasure really. The action is high in the film, lots of gunfights and such(some not as good as others). Towards the end there is even a nice gatling gun sequence which is always welcome in a spaghetti in my book.


as a bonus Gordon Mitchell has a very bit part as a wanted outlaw called...Gordan mitchell(not kidding).


Is it crap...yes, but it is marvelous crap.

worth a look, only if you buy the "diamond entertainment spaghetti western" box set which comes with 13 other spags and for a cheap price as well.

If you happen to find a solo copy, DO NOT pay more than $7.00  for it.

CRAP METER:10

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE:8


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 19, 2006, 03:27:31 AM
Me and the missus watched about half an hour of Boot Hill before having to turn it off,sorry Firecracker,i'll try and finish it some other time.This movie is TEDIOUS,TEDIOUS,TEDIOUS.Apart from Ace High every other Collizi directed Bud and Terence film i've seen including the contemporary All The Way Boys is humourless,boring,depressing,overlong trash.Its lucky that i saw the Trinity films before the likes of Boot Hill because i would never have taken the risk otherwise.
   I'll give Savage Guns a look soon.
   


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 19, 2006, 06:45:25 PM
Me and the missus watched about half an hour of Boot Hill before having to turn it off,sorry Firecracker,i'll try and finish it some other time.This movie is TEDIOUS,TEDIOUS,TEDIOUS.
   

Oh poor you Banjo :'(
If I were you I would leave it as is...

It is not worth watching, the only reason I sat through it was because I was curious as to how bad it was...and it truly is really bad. The worst spag I have ever seen.
Dont go back to it. Now that you have to watch it where you left off  makes the experience all the more worse.

And why oh why did you make youre poor wife sit through that?Making youre wife watch this is like spouse abuse.
Now that you turned it off, never press play on it again.


was the following link by any chance the awful transfer you had to sit through?(click on the link then click search once on the menu and then click the frame that says boot hill.)
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2344508659119517120&q=spaghetti+western



Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 20, 2006, 03:50:38 AM
Oh poor you Banjo :'(
If I were you I would leave it as is...
Thanks Firecracker for letting me off with this one.I did warn the missus first but as she also loves Bud & Terence i thought it was worth the risk!
Couldn't get anything on your link but its in the Diamond Box which we both have!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Tim on March 20, 2006, 11:02:39 AM
  Is Savage Guns the one with several really long, tedious scenes of people riding around on horseback?  If I remember it right, there are several scenes of Sam riding away into the distance when really it could have been edited a whole lot better.

  I do agree that it's a guilty pleasure.  Not a great spaghetti by any means, but I did enjoy it, including the final shootout.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 20, 2006, 12:21:05 PM

Couldn't get anything on your link but its in the Diamond Box which we both have!

Oh right. sorry for the mix-up :(


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 20, 2006, 12:31:00 PM
  Is Savage Guns the one with several really long, tedious scenes of people riding around on horseback?  If I remember it right, there are several scenes of Sam riding away into the distance when really it could have been edited a whole lot better.

 


It all depends. There are two spaghetti westerns called "Savage Guns". one is an early italian western made in 1961 starring Richard Basehart and the other is the film I did a mini-review on above.

does it have tedious horse riding scenes? Well that all depends...yes their is a particularly long horseriding scene during the opening credits, but it doesnt much matter since it is the opening credits with the letters rolling across the screen  so it isnt really bothersome. In fact the horse riding in the beginning is shot rather well and has nice slow-mo shots of the horses passing by the camera and kicking up dirt. Their are no other "long and tedious" horseback sequences that come to mind in the film, but perhaps I have a cut version of the film(which is totally ok by me, this isnt high art).

The film does need some serious editing in other places like the saloon bar fight scene that had nothing to do with the story or the main characters(as I mentioned in the review) and a scene with a saloon girl singing some song that goes on for wayyyyyyyyyyy toooooooo looooooooooooong. But I actually like the lack of proffessionalism that goes about in this movie. Its is real fun to watch.

and yes that final gunfight is pretty damn fun.

I definatly will be looking out for other Miles Deem spaghetti westerns. I like he his crappy style.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 21, 2006, 06:20:11 AM
I watched Savage Guns yesterday and i'm with both Firecracker and Tim-trashy but enjoyable!
The mediocre hero was more Donny Osmond than Clint don't you think?The bad guys were great fun!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 21, 2006, 09:44:09 AM

The mediocre hero was more Donny Osmond than Clint don't you think?

most certainly. I mentioned in my reveiw that he seems like the type who would be killed within the first three minutes of a western rather than be the hero in one.

Did you see Gordan mitchell? He has that one scene as the hired killer but then you never see him again. must be another plot hole.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 22, 2006, 12:58:36 AM
Man I am really stalling on that "find a place to die" review(sorry Banjo).
I will be doing it tomorrow most likley. In the mean-time it is almost 2:00 am and I have a nasty case of insomnia, so I will be watching the last feature on my "diamond entertainment collection" as soon as I end this post(I have the dvd on the menu already ;D). The last feature is "White Comanche" with william shatner. I saw this stinker half-way through one night on television a year or so back. tonight I will be watching from the beginning and finishing(hopefully).

good night all.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 22, 2006, 01:54:20 AM
most certainly. I mentioned in my reveiw that he seems like the type who would be killed within the first three minutes of a western rather than be the hero in one.

Did you see Gordan mitchell? He has that one scene as the hirde killer but then you never see him again. must be another plot hole.
Yeau strange that,i was wondering if i nodded off momentarily and missed something-obviously not!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 22, 2006, 12:26:04 PM
Yeau strange that,i was wondering if i nodded off momentarily and missed something-obviously not!


Yeah ;D I was thinking I missed something as well somehow. But no It is just bad film making on the directors part. Then again I was saying to Tim a few days ago that our copies could be cut. That seems like the logical reason, why else would they build up his character to be this "dangerous"guy and then never have him show up again?





Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 23, 2006, 02:40:06 AM
Yeah ;D I was thinking I missed something as well somehow. But no It is just bad film making on the directors part. Then again I was saying to Tim a few days ago that our copies could be cut. That seems like the logical reason, why else would they build up his character to be this "dangerous"guy and then never have him show up again?




It may have been cut of course!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 23, 2006, 10:24:21 PM
review for...

"Find a Place to Die"

Lisa and her husband own a gold mine. Bandits led by the sadistic(now I dont remember his name and I dont want to pop in my dvd at the moment to find out. so for the sake of remaining lazy, I will call the bandit leader "Sandy") Sandy want the gold  mine for themselves and start to  fire upon the married couple. Lisa's husband gets wounded in the gunfight and tells lisa that she must go find help while he tries to ward off the bandits. She gets on horse back and rides to the nearest town by the name of "eagle's nest". There she finds a "down and out" gunfighter Joe Collins(jeffrey hunter) who agrees to help her out after hearing her situation.

This is where the movie starts to fall apart. Joe gathers around a posse which consist of a gigolo, a shady mexican and two Gay couples...

...let me take a moment to say that they are never pointed out as "gay couples" but the movie sure tries to shove that image in youre face about them. One of the "couples" is a very large mexican man(you have seen him in other spaghettis) and the other is a short white man. The two are constantly talking about how worried they are for eachother. This is followed by argueing like a married couple.

moving on...

...Along the way Lisa and Joe's posse meet a fake preacher and he joins the gang.

from the scenes when they join the posse to when they finally reach there destination are incredibly slow and boring, nothing happens. They just ride around a bit for a good 10 minutes.
When they reach the gold  mine they find Lisa's husband dead, she sheds a few tears for him and then he is  forgotten(guess she didnt care for him much). It all ends in a big unflashy gunfight with the bandits. the results are all of Joe's posse are killed and he gets to fall in love with lisa and vice versa. how touching.


Joe Collins(Jeffrey Hunter): Brings nothing new to the strong silent type anti-heroes of the spaghetti westerns. In fact he looks rather bored in his role.

Lisa(Pascale Petit): The actress has an exotic look to her that makes her strangly sexy. But thats all she really is...she doesnt capitalize on her looks or even tries to make her character interesting. she just hangs there. she is more of a prop than an actress. There is an interesting scene where she takes a bath in a river nude. unfortunatly the film only teases us with her nude body by keeping the camera far away from her, and we see nothing. >:(


The film is not a total loss. and it certainly isnt complete crap.
But it isnt worth buying on its own. only buy this if it comes in a cheap boxed set with other spaghetti western(or westerns in general).

the biggest dissapointment wasnt the movie, it was the fact that one of the best of the genre's directors was at the helm...Giuliano Carmineo. Known for directing all the Sartana sequels and "They Call him Cemetary" among others.

This is by far HIS weakest spaghetti that I have seen.






CRAP METER:5

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE:5


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 24, 2006, 03:43:41 AM
the biggest dissapointment wasnt the movie, it was the fact that one of the best of the genre's directors was at the helm...Giuliano Carmineo. Known for directing all the Sartana sequels and "They Call him Cemetary" among others.
Yeau very unrepresentative of a Carmineo western in  much the same way as Trinity director Enzo Barboni's first sw Chuck Mool(quite good actually) is very untypical of the deluge of comedy films that followed it.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 25, 2006, 01:47:59 PM
review for

This Man Cant Die.


The opening scene and the finale are all to see in this film. everything else is tedious as hell. The premise is a government agent named Martin benson(Guy Madison) is given a mission to seek and destory some gun runners. the job leads him on a trek home. back at his families ranch there is a massacre. some greedy land grabbers kill his father and mother, all that are left alive are his two younger sisters and two brothers. One of the land grabbers henchmen are shot and left behind, when the children find him he is unconscious and badly wounded. The kids get the idea that if they keep him alive long enough for him to talk, he can rat out those responsible for the murder of there family. So by this time in the film I am thinking "this is cool! The man that is wounded is the man who cant die! so now the bad guys will stop at nothing to silence him before he can talk and the remaining family members must protect him from the onslaught of baddies". To bad none of this comes to pass. Instead we are subjected to a tedious tale of the older sister falling for the baddie she is looking after. this nightengale effect doesnt work at all. Some of the romance scenes are strecthed out for far to long.

meanwhile (during the REAL story) Martn is on his way home when he runs into the gun runners selling their supply to indians. He makes quick work of the  guns by blowing them up and rides off. After this decent action oriented diversion, were right back with the other story of the film, the love story, bleh. Afterwards Martin gets to town and finds out his family has been ambushed and killed. Martin hides out in the saloon with his hooker girlfriend. The baddies go inside the saloon  looking for martin(how do they know he is in town?). Martin rides away from the saloon while the hookers distract the baddies which ends up in a particularly dirty scene with the hookers being beaten and and grabbed in various places of their body. At that point I stopped the film, took a shower, and continued to watch the film.

The last 15 minutes are a decent view. We have a shoot out in the saloon and the final confrontation between Martin and the main villian on the secondfloor of a barn.  The two adversaries duke it out in a fist fight. Martin grabs a noose(for pulling up hay to the second floor I would imagine) and rings it around the villians neck then punches him of the second floor of the barn resulting in the villian being hanged, This visual isnt executed that well but it gets an "A" for effort.

The Actors:

Guy Madison(martin):Martin was the only character I enjoyed in the film. Unfortunatly his exploits have little screen time, the director obviously felt the romance between his Martin's older sister and the wounded baddie was more important, but in reality it holds little importance to the plot.

Martin's little brother(dont know name of actor): this is the same actor that played Franco Nero's younger sibling in "Texas Adios", and I must say he annoyed me to death in that movie. Luckily for him "Texas Adios" is a good film, this is not though.

Susie(dont know name of actress): Martin's ditsy sister. Though she is pretty, she holds no importance to the plot at all, but more time is spent on her doing nothing as opposed to Martin actually trying to make this a watchable film.

The wounded bad guy(dont know name of actor): Gets shot and does nothing the remainder of the film. If he was supposed to be "the man that cant die" because he holds vital information...I just dont see it. There never seems to be anytype of urgency with the fact that he might die from the gunshot, bad guys never come and try to silence him and shortly after the remaining family picks him up he wakes up from his knock out, so why is it they never pop the question(who are you working for?)? If he really had to be awake it would have made more sense if he had amnesia. But no, he is used as a stage prop, only there to fall in love with susie.


The Music: The only saving grace in this film. The main theme is really catchy and there is two scenes where the music was ripped off from "A fistful of dollars"soundtrack.

*note To Ennio Morricone*
Mr. Morricone please sue these hijos de gran putanas ASAP!
sue Uomo sue!!!!!

Also: the title (This man cant die) brings a few questions to mind...Who is this man who cannot die? where does he come from? where did he go? Because he sure as hell isnt in this movie.

Overall:
It is worth a view just for the theme song. I suggest buying it with the "diamond entertainment spaghetti western collection" which comes with 12 other spags. otherwise...STAY AWAY!


CRAP METER:6

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE:4


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: boardwalk_angel on March 25, 2006, 03:08:19 PM
review for

This Man Cant Die.

STAY AWAY!

No need to stay away------------->
http://www.fistful-of-leone.com/forums/index.php?topic=2782.0


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 25, 2006, 03:26:15 PM
No need to stay away------------->
http://www.fistful-of-leone.com/forums/index.php?topic=2782.0

You liked it!? Which version did you see?

 ;D

And the composer for this movie did not "imitate" morricone. he stole a piece of music from "A fistful of dollars".

The catchy title song is his own.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: boardwalk_angel on March 25, 2006, 03:41:51 PM
You liked it!?

Well......let's not get carried away.......it's #63 on my all time SW list.
A minor film...a bit of a twist on the overused 'revenge for a slaughtered family' bit...but better than dreadful...somewhat entertaining..as I point out in my review.

And the composer for this movie did not "imitate" morricone. he stole a piece of music from "A fistful of dollars".

It IS 100% imitation Morricone..& as I point out...a good ripoff. Sounds good.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 25, 2006, 03:51:44 PM


It IS 100% imitation Morricone..& as I point out...a good ripoff. Sounds good.

ok wait a second. You are saying that the guy replicated the same tune from ennio morricone's score in a fistful of dollars? that sounds a bit far-fetched. For that, might as well just take the soundtrack morricone did and place it in the film.




Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: boardwalk_angel on March 25, 2006, 03:58:46 PM
ok wait a second. You are saying that the guy replicated the same tune from ennio morricone's score in a fistful of dollars? that sounds a bit far-fetched. For that, might as well just take the soundtrack morricone did and place it in the film.




No..not the score itself...just the style & instrumentation...as far as an exact passage from "Fistful'.....I didn't pick up on that..but wouldn't be at all surprised.




Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 25, 2006, 04:14:11 PM
as far as an exact passage from "Fistful'.....I didn't pick up on that..but wouldn't be at all surprised.



Watch it again. when the younger brother rides out to the ranch after the massacre, a piece of music from Fistful of dollars is playing. Banjo has a copy of this film and I am sure he can confirm this.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 27, 2006, 05:46:23 AM
I left This Man Can't Die to last so i'll have to let you know.
Watched White Commanche over the weekend-this is appallingly trashy but quite amusing and entertaining watching Captain Kirk trying to act!BTW the musical score is the most inappropiate i've heard for a western,ever,more Glen Miller than Morricone!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 27, 2006, 09:35:45 AM
I left This Man Can't Die to last so i'll have to let you know.
Watched White Commanche over the weekend-this is appallingly trashy but quite amusing and entertaining watching Captain Kirk trying to act!BTW the musical score is the most inappropiate i've heard for a western,ever,more Glen Miller than Morricone!

That is my next reveiw. ;D either that or "Between God the Devil and Winchester", havent decided as of yet.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 28, 2006, 04:51:33 AM
Between God The Devil and Winchester started off very promising but turned out to b a real disappointment!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 28, 2006, 11:23:40 AM
Between God The Devil and Winchester started off very promising but turned out to b a real disappointment!

exactly my thoughts. I'll get in to it with the reveiw.

Banjo, just curious, what was youre favorite crap title from the diamond boxed set?

mine was "savage guns" ;D


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on March 29, 2006, 02:07:08 AM
Banjo, just curious, what was youre favorite crap title from the diamond boxed set?

mine was "savage guns" ;D
Thats a funny way of putting it!
The cream of the bunch are Any Gun Can Play,Hellbenders,Johnny Yuma but i also think Minnesota Clay,Shanghai Joe  are good.Find a Place to Die is ok.I haven't rewatched Can Be Done Amigo or Cutthroats nine as i already have these but i don't like neither.Out of the rest(the crap) Savage Guns is probably the most entertaining followed by White Commanche.Boot Hill is unwatchable and Between,God...tedious.
I've yet to see This Man Can't Die! 


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on March 29, 2006, 10:37:46 AM

I've yet to see This Man Can't Die! 


try watching it soon. as my review states it only has the final 15 minutes and the theme song going for it.

But Boardwalk Angel thought it was decent, so...you never know.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 01, 2006, 01:49:25 PM
I shall be reviewing

"Between God The Devil And Winchester"

soon.

which will be followed by...

"White Comanche".


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Leone Admirer on April 01, 2006, 03:21:31 PM
Looking forward to them, and great reviews so far!  :)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 01, 2006, 03:32:24 PM
Thanks :)




Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 04, 2006, 07:06:19 PM
review for
Between God The Devil and Winchester.



Boy did this film suck something awful.

The film is loosley based on the book "Treasure Island". A band of people join forces and follow a map leading to buried treasure. Along the way there are backstabs and double crosses. The only difference is a change of time, setting and Bandidos instead of cut throat pirates.

sounds like a good interesting premise.

to bad the film falls flat on its face .

The opening sequence with the introduction to the "billy bones" type character(for those acquainted with the book) is good and very spaghetti like. Billy is a mysterious stranger who is in possesion of a map which leads to treasure, billy reaches a tavern in the desert and meets up with a little boy who helps run the bar. The little boy is a mexican Jim Hawkins, and I must say the little sprout is annoying as hell. After a few drinks Billy tells little boy Jim about the map he has and he says if any strangers arrive dont tell them that he is in. Of course a stranger does arrive, mexican actor Gilbert Roland who once again manages to turn a decent role into a mockery. Roland is supposed to be playing "long john silver" because of his metal braced hand(The REAL silver was missing a leg). A decent twist, though it could have been better for him to have a gun or cannon for a hand(that would be really off the wall and really spaghetti western like). Sadly,(or not) Bandits, looking for the map, come and burn down the tavern leaving Billy Bones dead and Little mexican Jim Hawkins orphaned. But wait! The day is saved!!! Because in comes spaghetti western semi-star Richard Harrison as an exgunslinger who has given up gunfighting and tooken up bible thumping(he's a priest, how exciting!). Harrison joins up with Little mexican boy Jim, who managed to escape the burning building with Billy bone's map, to hunt down that treasure. Along the way Roland joins in the fun as the "should we trust him or should we not" character. To bad they end up trusting him because he later makes a deal with a bandit gang(led by spag regular Raf Baldessare) to kill and take the map from the little tyke and his new friend the preist. Later the bandits double cross Roland and Roland enlist the help of the priest. The priest refuses to kill any bandit and it all leads up with Roland being redeemed for what he has done and he gets to share the wealth with harrison and Jim.

What is seriously flawed here is the way the film tries to be both a serious western and a kiddie western. There are moments of pretty brutal violence(for example...Roland rings a noose around a bandits waist and tortures him by dragging him towards a burning fire.) and there are moments of stupid kiddie humor usually concerning the little boy. It doesnt settle well.
Another fatal flaw is by the end of the film, you want Roland to die for what he has done. he was completly willing to kill the kid for the map and yet at the end he "redeems" himself just because he shot a few bad guys.

There is even a scene where the little boy over hears Roland talking to the bandits about killing the boy to get the map, and yet a few scenes later the boy is contemplating that perhaps "he could really trust Roland"(his parents sure taught him right).

It doesnt help that the film is a complete bore. There are segments of "traveling" mountains and nothing interesting happens. And you cant enjoy the sights because they filmed in what must be the ugliest part of almeria(if it is indeed almeria).

Music: sucks.......(thats it)


actors:

Richard Harrison: The ex-gunfighter turned priest has been done before in this genre but it always works. Not here though...you know why? Because in the other films the priest always went back to killing after he was pushed to far. Not here. The movie teases you throughout that harrison will once again pick up a gun and kick some major booty!!! Never happens. Catch Harrison in a much  better spaghetti western called "Vengeance".

Gilbert Roland: Gilbert is always playing the the almost villianous bandit(or the lovable rogue). He is like Eli Wallach as Tuco, only without the charisma, the presence and the humor. He plays every role as stiff as he possibly can. He is void of human emotion. Much like Richard Harrison, but at least Richard is cool(not in this movie though).

every other actor in here is a farce and not worth mentioning(yes including baldessare).

..................................................................................................

all in all: A waste of my time and youres. It is not worth even buying. The only way you should pick this up is if you happen to buy the Wild East dvd of Johnny Yuma, which includes this film.


CRAP METER:8

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE:3


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 08, 2006, 12:46:30 AM
so Banjo did you finally see "This man cant die"?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 08, 2006, 03:53:07 AM
Sorry,i'll try and rectify that next week!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 11, 2006, 10:44:15 PM
Sorry,i'll try and rectify that next week!
and what happened to this? ;D

................................................................................................


anyway I am here to announce the up coming crap titles that will be reviewed, and they are...

White Comanche
Shoot the living, pray for the dead
Bad man's River
A town called hell(aka A town called bastard)
Django kill(possibly)
and the infamous.....

CAPTAIN APACHE!


all of them coming soon
but not in that order!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 12, 2006, 02:59:59 AM
holy crap!

I have made a huge mistake!

Just saw "Bad Man's river" and I really liked it. I put it in the crap to review list because I have always heard nasty talk about it. not so! The first ten minutes alone is worth the price of admission! LVC is in top comic form here. and as a bonus you get Gianni Garko in an unusual role for him. other spaghetti regulars show up such as Aldo sambrell and eduardo fajardo(mispell I know). The director sometimes is unsure whether it should be a comedy or take itself seriously, but perhaps he doesnt care. you shouldnt either. just enjoy it!
it is pretty good stuff. I recommend it. so long as you get a pristine widescreen copy like I did.

"Bad Man's river" will no longer be reviewed!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 13, 2006, 06:43:07 AM
Didn't know you had Shoot The Living...!
Isn't Kinski in that one?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 13, 2006, 06:44:48 AM
Didn't know you had Shoot The Living...!
Isn't Kinski in that one?

yeah I bought it recently under another alias called "renegade gun". I hear it is total crap. and I am sure the transfers awful to!

on account I got it for 4 bucks.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 16, 2006, 01:19:23 AM
I have decided to review "shoot the living, pray for the dead" next.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 16, 2006, 09:47:16 AM
I see Shobary didn't think much of this either!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 16, 2006, 09:32:29 PM
I see Shobary didn't think much of this either!

it aint too bad...I'll get into it later.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Arizona Colt on April 17, 2006, 12:03:39 AM
Hey Firecracker, got these in the mail Saturday, what are your thoughts-BLINDMAN, FIGHTING FISTS OF SHANGHAI JOE, VENGEANCE and BLACK KILLER. So far Ferdinando Baldi's BLINDMAN is the best although I've only watched around 15 minutes of BLACK KILLER which seems to feature Kinski in a rare good guy role. Of the four Baldi films I have FORGOTTEN PISTOLERO is the best and apparently is a virtually unknown film as I have three italian western books and it isn't referenced in the slightest in any of them. It's a shame because it's worthy of classic status amongst the greats. FIGHTING FISTS was kind of mediocre at best. Particularly the "chinese" actor who, during a flashback in a chinese temple is shown wearing a japanese gi as well as when Joe battles his former colleague who is dressed in japanese attire. Although in the brief Mario Caiano interview he states they wanted a chinese actor to play Joe but had to go with a japanese actor. Also an amusing story about Kinski. Caiano states that Kinski was a pleasure to work with here but on his third picture with him, Kinski was so volatile, that Caiano abandoned the film as director! The Shaw Bros.-Carlo Ponti co-production STRANGER & THE GUNFIGHTER is miles away the better film. Even though Shaw superstar Lo Lieh didn't know martial arts he has screen presence and charisma, two things lacking in "Chen Lee's" performance. VENGEANCE was also only average. There were several nice sequences but Richard Harrison is a terrible actor. He is actually decent here.....sometimes.....when the camera isn't fixed on his sleepy, tired eyes. I thought with Antonio Margheriti directing and Gian Maria Volonte's brother Claudio Camaso as the villain it would be great. Maybe I'll give it another watch as it was around 3 am when I viewed it. I've got these coming sometime this week- NAVAJO JOE, PISTOL FOR RINGO, RETURN OF RINGO, ADIOS RINGO, CEMETERY WITHOUT CROSSES, THE MERCENARY, PRICE OF POWER, LONG DAYS OF VENGEANCE, ALIVE OR PREFERABLY DEAD, FOR A ROOF A SKY FULL OF STARS, HILLS RUN RED and FACE TO FACE.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 17, 2006, 01:29:25 PM
Hey Firecracker, got these in the mail Saturday, what are your thoughts-BLINDMAN, FIGHTING FISTS OF SHANGHAI JOE, VENGEANCE and BLACK KILLER. So far Ferdinando Baldi's


Blindman: Fun film. possibly Tony Anthony's best film as a spaghetti star. It gets a just a little slow at times and when it is all over you feel that they could have done a better job with it. A little more improvement could have turned this excellent spaghetti into a spaghetti classic. Top-notch soundtrack.

Fghting Fist of Shanghai Joe: I hate Kung0fu films. But this actually surprised me. Fun film. not much story, just Joe traveling around the west and meeting bigots and beating them down. The film gets really fun when one of the baddies sends a group of deranged Bounty hunters after Joe. However there is no closure to this almost excellent spaghetti. Joe kills all the bad dudes but never goes out for the main guy at the end. In fact the main bad guy is forgotten. strange.
As for Stranger and the Gunfighter...you can see my thoughts on it, on this very thread.

Vengeance: saw the first hour and twenty minutes of the film but then I fell asleep. But in its defense I saw it on tv really late at night. Enjoyable picture. The opening with the guy being pulled apart by the horses is excellent. However the film never really gets back on its feet afterward. fell asleep when...

spoiler!!!!

Volonte's little brother is revealed as the bad guy!

end of spoiler!

...however this was not due to the fact that it was a boring film, I was just very tired.


Black Killer: have not seen. know alot about it though, but the less I say the better.




..................................................................................................

your incoming load of spags will be a real treat for you. All of those are excellent(if not good) sws. There are one or two from that list I have not seen though.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 18, 2006, 06:24:12 AM

Vengeance: saw the first hour and twenty minutes of the film but then I fell asleep. But in its defense I saw it on tv really late at night. Enjoyable picture. The opening with the guy being pulled apart by the horses is excellent. However the film never really gets back on its feet afterward. fell asleep when...
Well i sincerely hope you like Vengeance,Firecracker ;)
Best Claudio Camaso performance i've seen so far!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Arizona Colt on April 18, 2006, 02:40:17 PM
Thanks Firecracker, VENGEANCE didn't surprise me that Claudio Camaso was the villain I guess because he plays villains in 10,000 BLOOD MONEY and VENGEANCE IS MINE both with Gianni Garko. I really wish you would give asian films a chance as there are many great ones out there particularly the  Shaw brothers films. Celestial pictures is remastering an entire library of there films, 760 to be exact, using the same remastering process used on the original STAR WARS trilogy in widescreen and the original language. The films look gorgeous. The only problem is that Celestial has taken some of the more popular titles and remixed the soundtracks with added sound effects to make the films more contemporary as most chinese hate films more than five years old. Image picked up 30 of the titles and will begin releasing them sometime this month or in May. Incidentally, I too felt BLINDMAN ran on too long, the film seemed to have 2 or 3 endings with teh women escaping and being recaptured several times. The dvd I've got from Koch has a 42 minute documentary on Ferdinando Baldi's films but it's in italian with german subs unfortunately, although it's not too difficult to follow. I wouldn't classify SHANGHAI JOE even as an almost classic but definitely in the so-bad-it's-good category. STRANGER & THE GUNFIGHTER is a much more polished film and there is more of a story and it doesn't come off nearly as cheesy as JOE does. Both are watchable but for me S&TG is the better of the two and not just because two of my favorites are present Van Cleef and Lo Lieh. BTW I have an original Shaw poster for this film under its HK release title BLOOD MONEY. The artist did an amazing job capturing Van Cleefs likeness.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 18, 2006, 02:50:24 PM
I really wish you would give asian films a chance

when I see a good one, I'll let you know.

I have already been conned out of my cash several times with asian cinema. I have seen at least 3 zaitochi films and none are any good(at least in my eyes). I have also seen a few other titles which did nothing to fix my hate for the genre(kung fu, samurai etc.)



Blindman did seem to have to many false endings, and Ringo's funeral went on for far to long.

The actual ending with...


SPOILER!

Domingo getting his eyes burnt out and the general screwing Blindman over was top notch though.


spoiler ends!




Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 18, 2006, 03:02:05 PM
FORGOTTEN PISTOLERO is the best and apparently is a virtually unknown film.
This came in the mail yesterday along with..

I am sartana your angel of death
And for a roof a skyful of stars
No room to die
Bandidos
Face to Face(finally!)

I'll have to check all these out soon.

I have already seen the Sartana sequel and No room to die(not steffen's best but an enjoyable sw).


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 18, 2006, 03:14:44 PM
Firecracker,what would you say to the likes of Cigar Joe who have been put off the Sartana series after only seeing Sartana Angel Of Death which we both agree is the worst in the series?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 18, 2006, 03:16:22 PM
Firecracker,what would you say to the likes of Cigar Joe who have been put off the Sartana series after only seeing Sartana Angel Of Death which we both agree is the worst in the series?


Dear, Cigar Joe

I insist that you watch "Light the fuse...Sartana is coming".
nuff said.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 18, 2006, 03:19:04 PM

Dear, Cigar Joe

I insist that you watch "Light the fuse...Sartana is coming".
nuff said.
I'll add the original Sartana plus my name to make it a petition! :)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 18, 2006, 03:21:24 PM
"Have a good funeral" is also a worthy addition to the series. It is better than the original in my opinion. and it is the only one in the series that you actually GET what is going on throughout.

And the George Hilton one is good fun.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 18, 2006, 03:24:04 PM
Have a good funeral is also a worthy addition to the series. It is better than the original in my opinion. and it is the only one in the series that you actually GET what is going on throughout.

And the George Hilton one is good fun.
I thought we'd near enough sussed the originals plot-Leone Admirer do you have any comments on this yet if you're reading this?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 18, 2006, 03:25:29 PM
I thought we'd near enough sussed the originals plot

Not quite. we still have yet to finish our reconstruction.



It is a shame that "Angel of Death" is the dud of the series. It had the best premise.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 18, 2006, 03:47:56 PM
But a mildly entertaining dud don't you think?
The biggest let down is Kinski early departure-he shudda taken on Sartana in the finale!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 18, 2006, 03:50:04 PM

The biggest let down is Kinski early departure-he shudda taken on Sartana in the finale!


very true.
And it is very entertaining. dud or not...in fact you can catch me seeing it again eventually.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 18, 2006, 03:55:23 PM
Did you have (dialogue related)problems with understanding the end of the movie?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 18, 2006, 03:57:31 PM
Did you have (dialogue related)problems with understanding the end of the movie?

Oh yes very much so... the last ten minutes makes a somewhat simple plot into a confusing mess.


I knew the sheriff was the imposter Sartana because he sported the same beard I saw when the "shadowy figure" was given a zoom in with enough light to see his face(and beard!)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 18, 2006, 04:02:41 PM
From the graveyard scene onwards i had to keep pausing and rewinding to catch the dialogue and reason out what was going on.
That sheriff "louse" character is a really irritating character!The Baxter Red guy wasn't much better and its lucky that Gordon Mitchell showed up at the end!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 18, 2006, 04:07:48 PM
its lucky that Gordon Mitchell showed up at the end!
I was wondering where he had wondered off too after his intro!

I thought he was going to pull another dissappearing act like he did in "Savage Guns".

and speaking of "dissappearing acts" when did Sartana become a magician all of the sudden?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 18, 2006, 04:11:48 PM
Wasn't he a bit of a magician in the finale- with the bullet cartridge in the duel with Lasky in the first film?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 18, 2006, 04:12:48 PM
Wasn't he a bit of a magician in the finale- with the bullet cartridge in the duel with Lasky in the first film?

not really. that was just being intelligent.




Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 18, 2006, 04:14:34 PM
actually no. I see your point. He tricked Lasky into thinking he only had four bullets in his "pepper box derringer".

And arent all magicians tricksters?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 19, 2006, 03:49:50 AM
Yeah slight of hand and all that!
Firecracker you're not going to include Angel Of Death on this crappy sw's thread?-it deserves better than that !


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 19, 2006, 10:18:48 AM
Yeah slight of hand and all that!
Firecracker you're not going to include Angel Of Death on this crappy sw's thread?-it deserves better than that !


No I am not. The conversation just led there.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 19, 2006, 05:02:03 PM
Phew! ;)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Arizona Colt on April 19, 2006, 11:55:50 PM
Finally finished BLACK KILLER last night and while it won't make it on any ten best lists it's a decent enough time killer. Kinski is definitely the best thing about the film apart from the feisty italian(?) actress posing as an indian who participates in much of the action. Strangely enough Kinski is amazingly subdued here but all the better for you're not sure what his motives are until the final scene. A few decent action scenes here and there can't cover up for what must have been an extremely low budget and even shorter shooting schedule as much of the film seems to take place in one room. If you're a Kinski completist you'll surely want to see it as he is one of the main characters.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 19, 2006, 11:58:26 PM
that pretty much sums up what I have heard about the film. And I hear the "pistol book" is a cool touch. Will be chekcing this out soon. Thanks Colt.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Arizona Colt on April 20, 2006, 12:12:59 AM
Did you happen to see FORGOTTEN PISTOLERO yet? I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this. It's interesting that in Baldi's later spaghettis all his characters seem to resemble futuristic hippies.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 20, 2006, 12:15:40 AM
Did you happen to see FORGOTTEN PISTOLERO yet? I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this. It's interesting that in Baldi's later spaghettis all his characters seem to resemble futuristic hippies.


Havent Gotten to it. I am going to see bandidos next.

But "Forgotten Pistolero" will be viewed some time this weekend.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 20, 2006, 12:26:21 AM
Hey Colt, why dont you get an avatar? Get one of Gemma if possible.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Arizona Colt on April 20, 2006, 12:46:04 AM
At the moment my computer skills are very limited as I don't know much about them. I don't get much time to be on the computer save for maybe a couple of hours late at night. I would like to have an avatar. I'll talk to one of my friends to explain to me how to do it.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 20, 2006, 12:50:07 AM
At the moment my computer skills are very limited as I don't know much about them. I don't get much time to be on the computer save for maybe a couple of hours late at night. I would like to have an avatar. I'll talk to one of my friends to explain to me how to do it.


check out the "web site announcement" section and go to the thread "leone avatar". One of the members there gives a good description on how to get an avatar.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 20, 2006, 07:09:39 AM
Did you happen to see FORGOTTEN PISTOLERO yet? I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this. It's interesting that in Baldi's later spaghettis all his characters seem to resemble futuristic hippies.
Very cheap on German Amazon i believe now-very highly recommended with a fantastic score!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 20, 2006, 07:11:03 AM
Finally finished BLACK KILLER last night and while it won't make it on any ten best lists it's a decent enough time killer. Kinski is definitely the best thing about the film apart from the feisty italian(?) actress posing as an indian who participates in much of the action. Strangely enough Kinski is amazingly subdued here but all the better for you're not sure what his motives are until the final scene. A few decent action scenes here and there can't cover up for what must have been an extremely low budget and even shorter shooting schedule as much of the film seems to take place in one room. If you're a Kinski completist you'll surely want to see it as he is one of the main characters.
I think Shobary gives this one a thumbs up :)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 20, 2006, 07:12:33 AM

Havent Gotten to it. I am going to see bandidos next.

But "Forgotten Pistolero" will be viewed some time this weekend.
Thats if none of the other 6 arrive first ;)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 20, 2006, 07:13:20 AM

check out the "web site announcement" section and go to the thread "leone avatar". One of the members there gives a good description on how to get an avatar.
Yeah even i managed to follow it!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 21, 2006, 12:23:21 PM
FOR A ROOF A SKY FULL OF STARS,


Let me know how you like the one above.
Saw it last night.

The first hour rambles on a bit but the last half hour is great. Wonderful score by Morricone!
I reccommend this to any Gemma fan!
But the less I say the better  :-X , just watch it.



aslo let me know what you think of "Long Days of vengeance". I really want to pick this up but havent found the time or the cash too. I heard through the grapevine that the sheriff does something interesting with his badge :-X

The score is good(from what I have heard in the film "Kill Bill").


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 21, 2006, 12:27:26 PM
sorry I have been delayed with my reviews. Lord knows I have had plenty of free time to do one, but Its one of those things you have to be ready for. I havent felt that way yet. When Leone admirer begins his reviews again, I'll start writing these. Unless something comes up...


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 22, 2006, 01:58:43 AM
The first hour rambles on a bit but the last half hour is great. Wonderful score by Morricone!
Yeah very strange firsr hour especially the way it starts off with the massacre with the touching scene with Gemma and the dead girl and from then on immediately descending into comedy.Morricone and the finale are superb as you say!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 22, 2006, 11:22:52 AM
Yeah very strange firsr hour especially the way it starts off with the massacre with the touching scene with Gemma and the dead girl and from then on immediately descending into comedy.Morricone and the finale are superb as you say!

The opening is great! But Gemma really had no buisness being there. Unless he felt responsible for the passenger's deaths.

The movie gets quite brutal too for being a comedy. Or maybe it isnt a comedy...it seems like a strange hybrid of comedy and really violent spag western!

And the movie is also touching in places...

*spoiler*

the attempted hanging of Gemma's friend.

*spoiler ends*


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 22, 2006, 12:14:33 PM
Saw "Forgotten Pistolero" Last night. wow what a disappointment! Awful film.

It starts off great but after the flashback where it shows the muder of Sebastians father it turns into an awful soap opera.

 :P

this is going on my crap list to review.


Leone admirer started his reviews, so as promised...I will be starting tonight(hopefully)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 23, 2006, 03:59:35 AM
Review for "Shoot the living, pray for the dead"


while this wasnt a terrible film(as I thought it would be) it aint that good either.

Dan Hogan(Kinski) is wanted by texas rangers because him  and his gang of ruffians have stolen some gold. Dan wants to flee to mexico but they need a guide, they enlist a stranger named John Webb who knows the terrain well and can get them into mexico with no problem. And wouldnt ya know it, John Webb has an old account to settle with Hogan.

The first hour is tedious, tedious, TEDIOUS as we(the audience) sit around and wait for Kinski to show up. Yes the star of the show does not make an appearance until twenty minutes AFTER the opening credits. And once he arrives he disappears quickly again leaving us stuck in some cabin with some uninteresting characters. Nothing happens the first hour, no brawl, no shoot outs no nothing...
However once John Webb leads Hogan's gang through the desert and to mexico(with some hostages along for the ride) the film becomes pretty damn interesting. However you must force youre self to sit through the horrible first hour, but dont worry, this endurance test does not go unrewarded. The last half hour is full of cool stuff like quicksand, a shoot out(finally) and one nasty looking snake! And of course a big Kinski performance.


The music: The title song is not awful, it is a pleasent listen but forgettable.


Actors: Kinski is the only good mention here. Solid Kinski performance.


Overall: If it werent for the awful first hour we could have  had a good sw. Worth a view if your a Kinski fan. If you couldnt give a rat's ass about Kinski STAY AWAY!

If its of any interest...I got this copy for $4.99 under the title "Renegade Gun" . If you come across this for the same price...it is worth it(for the Kinski fans).

CRAP METER:7

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE:4


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 23, 2006, 07:17:05 AM
Saw "Forgotten Pistolero" Last night. wow what a disappointment! Awful film.

It starts off great but after the flashback where it shows the muder of Sebastians father it turns into an awful soap opera.

 :P

this is going on my crap list to review.


Leone admirer started his reviews, so as promised...I will be starting tonight(hopefully)
Forgotten Pistolero crap?  :o
And you said i was deluded! ;D


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 23, 2006, 08:00:41 AM
No offense meant of course Mr Firecracker :-*
I must get round to watching both W.Django and This Man Can't die! ::)
Anyway theres absolutely no way FP's a soap opera-i loathe them to death! >:(


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 23, 2006, 08:04:04 AM
The opening is great! But Gemma really had no buisness being there. Unless he felt responsible for the passenger's deaths.
Yes the beginnings never really explained is it?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 23, 2006, 09:58:29 AM

Anyway theres absolutely no way FP's a soap


The film made me think otherwise. I'll have to give it another view but the whole affair had soap opera written all over it.

who slept with whom? who is the daughter of whom? etc..


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 23, 2006, 10:01:27 AM
I'm intrigued to know what Leone Admirer makes of it-but Bandidos is the better movie out of his batch to be reviewed.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 23, 2006, 11:19:46 AM
I'm intrigued to know what Leone Admirer makes of it-but Bandidos is the better movie out of his batch to be reviewed.

cant wait to hear his review on "Cemetery without crosses". I am sure he will love it, then that will be one more for you to contend with ;D

Captain Apache is the next film to be reviewed.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 23, 2006, 11:10:12 PM
Just got these in the mail the other day


Vengeance:very good
10,000 dollars for a massacre:good
100,000 per killing: very good
Life is tough, eh Providence?:have yet to see(keep you posted)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 23, 2006, 11:20:52 PM
Yes the beginnings never really explained is it?


no not at all. My guess is Gemma feels responsible because it was his enemy's that did the killing. And maybe Gemma knew the girl...he was quite the ladies man in the film.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 23, 2006, 11:39:57 PM
actually no. I see your point. He tricked Lasky into thinking he only had four bullets in his "pepper box derringer".

And arent all magicians tricksters?


it seems that Sartana being a magician is not to far off.

I was researching the character on the web and it says in shobary's site that Frank Kramer wanted him to have a cape like Mandrake the magician.


read here...

http://spaghettiwesterns.1g.fi/characters/Sartana/sartana.htm



also Banjo I have been a little hard pressed about the original Sartana's plot. I can be quoted to saying that the script is confusing because it was poorly written. I am ignorant for saying so, I now believe The original Sartana's plot is some stroke of genius. Any one who can write  a plot so complex is bound to be some genius. It is very much like a puzzle. you have to watch it several times in order to put together the pieces. It really makes its audience think and challenges them to try and solve it. Now "Angel of death" however is just needlessly confusing.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Arizona Colt on April 23, 2006, 11:47:13 PM
As compared to other Baldi films such as TEXAS ADIOS and DJANGO GET A COFFIN READY, FORGOTTEN PISTOLERO was IMO superior to either of these. While TEXAS ADIOS contained decent fight scenes for a change as Italian westerns more often than not have the worst fistfights ever put to film (If the actors aren't swinging their arms wildly they're telegraphing every punch or kick)but the remainder of the picture was standard revenge stuff. DGACR could have been so much more. No buildup, no suspense. Django is "killed" along with his wife in a very sloppily executed scene which is then followed by a scene that shows Django ready to get the bad guys without any sequences involving him tending his wounds or any dramatic buildup for what he must do. I did enjoy both of these particularly DGACR strictly for there comic book value alone but both are inferior to FP and even BLINDMAN a popcorn spaghetti that never seems to take itself too seriously. I was just surprised by FP as I wasn't expecting much more than a standard shoot'em up but instead there were good performances, likeable characters, lots of beautiful girls, Luciana Paluzzi playing the main villain(as she was pulling everyones strings), good action, a great soundtrack and yes there is drama but it was essential for emotional investment in the characters. I wanted to see the villains die as well as Paluzzi get her comeupence and the brothers reunite and whether or not that beautiful girl playing the sister was going to stay with her husband or leave him for the man she thought dead. All these elements showed me that Baldi was trying for something more here instead of the standard actioner. Most films only allow you to get involved with the scenes of spectacle. You never care what happens to the characters. The spaghetti genre is no different. Most of them are just a series of gunbattles which have to be done well to be exciting on a purely entertaining level. That's all I expect from these films. When one comes along that contains something extra I like it even more. There are more than a handful that fit this criteria. I wouldn't say that FP is crap although I see you have VENGEANCE as being very good. In what way? Another wooden performance by Richard Harrison and a laughable opening sequence where the villains are apparently going to draw and quarter a man-he screams in pain even though it's apparent there is much slack on the ropes. With only one or two bright spots to liven the experience. There was nothing here to discern this movie from a hundred other average oaters. My disappointment for this film comes from Margheriti's direction as I'm a fan of his films and this IMO is definitely not one of his better.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 12:00:55 AM
"Forgotten Pistolero" starts off well and then stumbles after the flashback and never gets back up. The plot was a mess. There is a huge plot hole concerning Sebastians memory, why is it that he doesnt remember anything? He didnt suffer from amnesia? And why didnt he realize that his mother was not the servant(even though she really is as we find out in an awful "gotcha" ending)? The melo dramatic soap opera plot was a huge turn off as well. you mention there is great action in this movie...where? After the flashback sequence the movie is void of any action, only an awful fist fight and one or two badly done gundowns. And the final showdown was nothing special. It's all built up to nothing really.


Vengeance has a wonderful revenge story to be told here(cliche or not). The fist fight in the first ten minutes is well done and the stabbing of the neck with spurs is commendable for its creativity. The movie only gets better from there with a torture sequence and one nasty baddie. And the opener is one of the best openings to a spaghetti western. The slack in the ropes didnt bother me I am used to the stuff on the genre. Django's ear cutting scene isnt done to perfection I never hear anybody complaining about that. Vengeance only faulters when Harrison becomes sheriff in a town about half way through the picture.

Texas Adios does have well choregraphed fist fights but the best I have seen in the genre is in "Mannaja:a man called blade".


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 12:09:40 AM
Colt have you checked out "And for a roof..." yet?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Arizona Colt on April 24, 2006, 12:15:17 AM
I'll have to watch VENGEANCE again as I kept falling asleep but I doubt I'll think differently of it. Nothing grabbed me with this movie. From the mediocre opening to the loooooong conclusion in the cave/mineshaft. The best scene is where he's trapped in the sheriffs office with the villains trying to get him from outside. NOTHING in this film comes close to this one sequence. What was wrong with the DJANGO ear sequence? I found it quite jarring and unexpected coming from a western in 1966.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Arizona Colt on April 24, 2006, 12:17:50 AM
No, I haven't received that shipment of discs yet. I've got about 60 dvds I haven't watched yet so last night and today I tried to watch a few Shaw Brothers discs I got in NY and Hong Kong and I'm preparing to finish one now even though I've to get up at 7 am for work in the morning.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 12:19:42 AM
What was wrong with the DJANGO ear sequence? I found it quite jarring and unexpected coming from a western in 1966.

I feel the same about the "Vengeance" opening. pretty nasty for its time. But in your last post you were comparing it to the way violence is portrayed now, so I mentioned that the ear cutting sequence in Django is awful by today's standards.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Arizona Colt on April 24, 2006, 12:36:49 AM
No I didn't mean to compare it to the way violence is done now. The DJANGO ear scene was actually shown which was rare for the time as opposed to just being implied. In VENGEANCE, compared with other similar scenes in spaghettis as well as horror films of the time it appears rushed and a bit sloppily executed but nonetheless the point was gotten across in the film. If the film had gotten better from there on out I would have liked it more but it will take more than strapping two boots to the side of the camera or the seige sequence for me to think of this movie as anything more than average.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 12:38:30 AM
No I didn't mean to compare it to the way violence is done now. The DJANGO ear scene was actually shown which was rare for the time as opposed to just being implied. In VENGEANCE, compared with other similar scenes in spaghettis as well as horror films of the time it appears rushed and a bit sloppily executed but nonetheless the point was gotten across in the film. If the film had gotten better from there on out I would have liked it more but it will take more than strapping two boots to the side of the camera or the seige sequence for me to think of this movie as anything more than average.


perhaps "very good" is a little heavy to describe it but I wont give it any less than "good".


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Arizona Colt on April 24, 2006, 12:45:30 AM
It's not a bad film but I'd surely watch FP again before VENGEANCE. The buddy that watched FP with me also enjoyed it a lot.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 12:54:59 AM
I'll give FP another shot eventually.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 24, 2006, 04:50:18 PM

it seems that Sartana being a magician is not to far off.

I was researching the character on the web and it says in shobary's site that Frank Kramer wanted him to have a cape like Mandrake the magician.


read here...

http://spaghettiwesterns.1g.fi/characters/Sartana/sartana.htm



also Banjo I have been a little hard pressed about the original Sartana's plot. I can be quoted to saying that the script is confusing because it was poorly written. I am ignorant for saying so, I now believe The original Sartana's plot is some stroke of genius. Any one who can write  a plot so complex is bound to be some genius. It is very much like a puzzle. you have to watch it several times in order to put together the pieces. It really makes its audience think and challenges them to try and solve it. Now "Angel of death" however is just needlessly confusing.
I'm gradually converting you on the originals greatness ;D


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 04:52:05 PM
I'm gradually converting you on the originals greatness ;D

I am afraid so.

"Light the fuse" is still my favorite though.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 24, 2006, 05:05:16 PM
Its funny that both me and Arizona Colt highly rate FP but he dislikes Viva Django which us two like alot!In my collection i think all Baldis westerns are all very well made and have different attributes which i enjoy.FP has the best score and i just can't get enough of it,a soap opera you say but i think the flashbacks of how Leonards Manns father is killed(he was only a young boy so everything cudda faded in his memory) is very well done, ballroom dancing and all ;D-i love all the stuff with the church bell freaking out our hero and the finale with the burning building etc is extremely effective.I enjoyed the wicked (but remorseful?)mother and her lover and i was kept on tenterhooks throughout!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 05:22:44 PM
Its funny that both me and Arizona Colt highly rate FP but he dislikes Viva Django which us two like alot!In my collection i think all Baldis westerns are all very well made and have different attributes which i enjoy.FP has the best score and i just can't get enough of it,a soap opera you say but i think the flashbacks of how Leonards Manns father is killed(he was only a young boy so everything cudda faded in his memory) is very well done, ballroom dancing and all ;D-i love all the stuff with the church bell freaking out our hero and the finale with the burning building etc is extremely effective.I enjoyed the wicked (but remorseful?)mother and her lover and i was kept on tenterhooks throughout!


wish I can say the same for FP. oh well...


as for Baldi he is a great sw director. However his films tend to ramble a bit, but he makes very enjoyable sws none the less.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 24, 2006, 05:41:33 PM
I  see what you're getting at a bit with the soap opera comment-lots of female actors(unusual for a sw!) and family drama but you could also aim this at Face To Face or Tessaris Ringo films.
They make a nice change from the usual dumb shoot em ups.BTW i'm in love with Nieves Navaro-however you spell it! :P


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 05:42:55 PM
BTW i'm in love with Nieves Navaro-however you spell it! :P

your missing an "R". ;D


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 24, 2006, 06:08:37 PM
your missing an "R". ;D
Shes eye candy and possibly the most charismatic female sw lead!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 06:09:56 PM
Shes eye candy and possibly the most charismatic female sw lead!


I agree. she is in many sws, so there is no shortage of her.

and isnt Fernando Sancho's performane in "pistol for ringo" the best you have seen him in. even the dubber for his charcater is top-notch!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 06:11:59 PM

I agree. she is in many sws, so there is no shortage of her.



there is a film where she...ahem "reveals" quite a bit of herself during a sex scene with another woman!!!!(not big on lesbians though...)

I forgot the title. I'll have to check it out. it has something to do with the characters being on an island.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 24, 2006, 06:14:09 PM

I agree. she is in many sws, so there is no shortage of her.

and isnt Fernando Sancho's performane in "pistol for ringo" the best you have seen him in. even the dubber for his charcater is top-notch!
Your right. :D
The opening scene and credits with the Morricone ballad are also classic!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 06:14:50 PM
Your right. :D


I am right about what? Sancho's performance?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 24, 2006, 06:16:00 PM
not big on lesbians though...)
Not real life ones no-very unattracive usually.
But tell me the film please :P


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 24, 2006, 06:16:45 PM
I am right about what? Sancho's performance?
;)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 06:16:50 PM

But tell me the film please :P


I will as soon as I find out.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 06:17:38 PM
How did the wife enjoy "Pistol for Ringo" ?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 24, 2006, 06:19:59 PM
She really likes these soap opera type sws ;)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 06:21:44 PM
She really likes these soap opera type sws ;)


"Pistol for ringo" is not a soap opera type! >:(


its spaghetti western christmas special :D


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 24, 2006, 06:24:05 PM
The lip synch dubbing on Silent Night was very suspect i thought!But i don't mind that :)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 06:25:35 PM
The lip synch dubbing on Silent Night was very suspect i thought!But i don't mind that :)

yes I know.

But it never comes close to the awful dubbing in "Django Kill" when the saloon lady is singing "My Town". Whoever dubbed that just didnt care!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 06:33:20 PM
"Pistol For ringo" is like the "how the grinch stole christmas" of the genre.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 24, 2006, 06:35:48 PM
yes I know.

But it never comes close to the awful dubbing in "Django Kill" when the saloon lady is singing "My Town". Whoever dubbed that just didnt care!
I was surprised to see the carol singing scene because i read there wasn't an English version together with one or two other scenes-perhaps these emerged relatively recently?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 06:37:07 PM
I was surprised to see the carol singing scene because i read there wasn't an English version together with one or two other scenes-perhaps these emerged relatively recently?

perhaps.
Jerksi took yours and my dvd copies from the Jap R1s.

there is some print damage as you noticed for a few seconds on several scenes.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 24, 2006, 06:40:06 PM
Ahhhhh i see-Hughes quite comprehensively describes these missing scenes in the Pistol For chapter in his book but stated they were only in Italian language -Jerksi's another Franco Cleef then?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 06:42:05 PM
Jerksi's another Franco Cleef then?

well I dont know. other ebay sellers have this same copy I have from Jerksi so it makes me question whether Jerksi is ripping somebody elses product off and passing it as his own or not.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 24, 2006, 06:44:33 PM
Sundance seems fairly clued up on the official,non-official and bootleg stuff and i'm sure hes sung Jerki's praises in this respect!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 08:23:39 PM
Ok Banjo. Found out about the movie with Navarro's nudeness.
Its called "Orgasmo Nero"(not a family film I suppose with that title ::) ) Richard Harrison is also in the movie LOL!

have a look...

http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0081727/


also she was in a soft core porno called "Emanuelle and The last cannibal". I assume she is nude in this as well.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 24, 2006, 08:34:50 PM
and since were on the subject...

Like it or not, believe it or not there have been a few spaghetti western pornos made...this is one of them...

BEHOLD!...."Nude Django!"(aka: Brand of shame)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0131985


check out the names of the characters on the cast listing...

Donna Duzzit
Steve Stunning(I guess there is an aspect about him that is stunning... ::) )
Vanessa van DYKE

 ;D

all done in good humor I am sure ;D

If I want to see every spag ever made I am sure this will cross my path at least once. :P


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 25, 2006, 09:57:18 AM
saw "Sometimes life is tough, eh Providence?" just last night.
It was very funny. Some jokes worked and some didnt but overall it was good.
Tomas Milian as the mad cap charlie chaplin esq bounty hunter is wonderful as always.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Arizona Colt on April 25, 2006, 11:29:46 AM
EMMANUELLE & THE LAST CANNIBALS is not soft core unless you've got a cut version. Director Joe D'amato did several horror/porn hybrids like EROTIC NIGHTS OF THE LIVING DEAD, PORNO HOLOCAUST and CALIGULA-THE UNTOLD STORY among others with many featuring Laura Gemser and George Eastman(BEN & CHARLIE, DJANGO GET A COFFIN READY)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 25, 2006, 11:31:29 AM
EMMANUELLE & THE LAST CANNIBALS is not soft core unless you've got a cut version. Director Joe D'amato did several horror/porn hybrids like EROTIC NIGHTS OF THE LIVING DEAD, PORNO HOLOCAUST and CALIGULA-THE UNTOLD STORY among others with many featuring Laura Gemser and George Eastman(BEN & CHARLIE, DJANGO GET A COFFIN READY)


according to what I have read it has soft core porn elements.
But also is mainly a horror film. Ripping a woman's crotch open for instance.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Arizona Colt on April 25, 2006, 11:35:17 AM
When penetration is shown it's no longer soft core. Haven't seen E&TLC in years but I think it contains the hardcore footage present in the others.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 25, 2006, 11:36:43 AM
When penetration is shown it's no longer soft core. Haven't seen E&TLC in years but I think it contains the hardcore footage present in the others.
well I have not seen the film so I wasnt aware penetration was shown.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Arizona Colt on April 25, 2006, 11:42:23 AM
There are several different versions which feature the soft core and hardcore scenes. Media Blasters/Shreik Show has a few of them in both soft and hard versions. Blue Underground carries at least one I can think of right now. EMMANUELLE IN AMERICA with Laura Gemser who gets caught up in a snuff film ring. I'll stard another thread for this kind of thing as it's straying away from the initial topic.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 25, 2006, 11:43:50 AM
There are several different versions which feature the soft core and hardcore scenes. Media Blasters/Shreik Show has a few of them in both soft and hard versions. Blue Underground carries at least one I can think of right now. EMMANUELLE IN AMERICA with Laura Gemser who gets caught up in a snuff film ring. I'll stard another thread for this kind of thing as it's straying away from the initial topic.


well I have no reviews at the moment, so right now its open season on everything here.




Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 25, 2006, 05:30:38 PM
Ok Banjo. Found out about the movie with Navarro's nudeness.
Its called "Orgasmo Nero"(not a family film I suppose with that title ::) ) Richard Harrison is also in the movie LOL!

have a look...

http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0081727/


also she was in a soft core porno called "Emanuelle and The last cannibal". I assume she is nude in this as well.
To quote the Carry On boys  PWHOARRRRRR!!!!! :P


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 25, 2006, 05:32:01 PM
and since were on the subject...

Like it or not, believe it or not there have been a few spaghetti western pornos made...this is one of them...

BEHOLD!...."Nude Django!"(aka: Brand of shame)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0131985


check out the names of the characters on the cast listing...

Donna Duzzit
Steve Stunning(I guess there is an aspect about him that is stunning... ::) )
Vanessa van DYKE

 ;D

all done in good humor I am sure ;D

If I want to see every spag ever made I am sure this will cross my path at least once. :P
Django with his kit off :o
DON'T TELL ROBERTI!!!! :(


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 25, 2006, 05:33:33 PM
saw "Sometimes life is tough, eh Providence?" just last night.
It was very funny. Some jokes worked and some didnt but overall it was good.
Tomas Milian as the mad cap charlie chaplin esq bounty hunter is wonderful as always.
After our slight disagreements elsewhere ;D  i'm relieved you enjoyed Providnce!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 25, 2006, 05:34:37 PM
After our slight disagreements elsewhere ;D  i'm relieved you enjoyed Providnce!

why is that? I enjoy a GOOD comedy sw any day. It is a nice change of pace.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 25, 2006, 05:35:23 PM
EMMANUELLE & THE LAST CANNIBALS is not soft core unless you've got a cut version. Director Joe D'amato did several horror/porn hybrids like EROTIC NIGHTS OF THE LIVING DEAD, PORNO HOLOCAUST and CALIGULA-THE UNTOLD STORY among others with many featuring Laura Gemser and George Eastman(BEN & CHARLIE, DJANGO GET A COFFIN READY)
I expect any English language version would be cut as always-why can't i be Swedish?They have all the fun :D


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 25, 2006, 05:37:01 PM
why is that? I enjoy a GOOD comedy sw any day. It is a nice change of pace.
I notice you've warmed a bit towards Stranger and The Gunfighter elsewhere-the missus agrees with me this is far better than Shanghai Joe.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 25, 2006, 05:37:53 PM
I notice you've warmed a bit towards Stranger and The Gunfighter elsewhere

No I havent.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 25, 2006, 05:38:43 PM
Django with his kit off :o
DON'T TELL ROBERTI!!!! :(

I'll try to restrain myself.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 25, 2006, 05:40:58 PM
No I havent.
Oh :o
I told you i was feeling a bit dopey! :-\


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 26, 2006, 07:29:38 PM
Here is an interesting bit of trivia for you guys...


FP has a certain scene where Sebastion wears the same duster coat as Franco Nero in "Texas Adios".


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 27, 2006, 11:24:49 AM
Things have been going rather slow on the site as of late so when I get home tonight (late) I will write the "Captain Apache" review.


Have a good day everybody. :)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 27, 2006, 05:47:34 PM
Not so crap for you to dislike it though! ;)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 27, 2006, 09:17:57 PM
Not so crap for you to dislike it though! ;)

Indeed. Enjoyable picture.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 27, 2006, 11:54:36 PM
Review for "Captain Apache".



Their gonna tail em, trail em, try to nail em there...but WE haven't got a prayer.


"Captain Apache" is one of those films that is so incredibly awful that you cannot stop watching just to see what other atrocity it'll throw your way. It is also very entertaining becuase of its astrociousness(not a word).

The crap extravaganza opens to fake quotes(the last one is from Jesus) like...

"The only good Indian, is a dead Indian"

                                                   - Pale face saying

"The only good Pale face, is a dead Pale face"
                                                 
                                                   - Apache saying

"Love thy neighbor"

                            -Forgotten source

that last one is especially hilarious.

The quotes are followed by the theme song of the film and accompanied by several shots that are both future shots in the film and what one would assume to be an outtake. This gives the whole movie a early 60's western television show feel to it. Shows like "Rawhide" come to mind when seeing the intro to Captain Apache.
What comes after the intro is a series of rather strange characters introduced in different points of the picture. Lee Van Cleef looks like a featherless eagle as he plays the beardless Apache government agent, and if that isnt weird enough we have two strange looking twins as baddies, and a witch(yes a witch!). The plot is actually very similar to Orson Welles's "Citizen Kane", in that Captain Apache is assigned to investigate what the meaning of a dying government officials last words were. The last words uttered by the official were "April Morning". Every time the captain gets somebody to talk about "april morning" they are mysteriously shot out of nowhere(which is actualy quite silly if you think about it. How could this mysterious assasin be at the right place at the right time every time the Captain gets a lead?). Along the route to discovering the meaning of "april Morning" captain Apache must ward of the witch mentioned earlier and the evil twins. In one hilarious sequence the witch drugs Van Cleef for no particular reason and Van Cleef begins to hallucinate about a very colorful cave(which suspiciously look like the "Hell" set from the second film in the "Coffin Joe" series). After that trippy sequence there is an uproariously bad fist fight between Captain Apache and a pair of the witch's hired thugs(since when do witch's need thugs? It would have helped her image of being a witch if she hung around black cats. I would have liked a fight sequence with the captain against a band of nasty cats). The Filmmakers did nothing to try and hide the fact that Van Cleef was not the one fighting the two thugs. throughout the whole fight you can tell its a stunt man. later Van Cleef gets almost stark naked in order to speak to his Apache chief. The very sight of Van Cleef's muscular body fitting itself in a tiny piece of cloth covering his privates is enough to make me risk a heart attack from laughing so damn hard.

To make things even more ridiculous, the meaning of "April Morning" turns out to be a secret assignment to assassinate the president of the United States. Captain Apache of course saves the day in the nick of time. It all ends with Van Cleef singing "April Morning" on the soundtrack during the closing credits.

The funniest quotes Van Cleef ever used can all be found in this one film. Here are a few...

"You call me red ass too!!!!"

"Its full of snakes!!!!"

"teach me the ways of the white man"
 ;D

Music: Top- notch, in a campy sort of way. The arrangement of the songs arent as bad as you would think though.

Actors:

Lee Van Cleef: Van Cleef looks like he is actually having a rather good time with the role, he hams up the part very nicley. I am surprised he never went into making straight out comedy movies(not just western comedies), all indication in this film shows that he would be perfect as a comedic actor.

Carrol Baker: Forever known for "Baby Doll", Baker plays her character "Maude" as a typical ditzy blonde. Her Main purpose in the film... well.....I am still struggling with that answer. One would think she would be a love interest for Cleefy but that doesnt seem like the case. She just hangs around until the end where she exposes some sort of care(or sympathy) for Captain Apache, and yet she calls him a "dumb indian". I couldnt tell you anything more.

the rest of the cast is all just playing off Cleefy and they are not worth mentioning.

Overall: I am not sure whether to take the film seriously or see it as an actual comedy. To defend it, I think it is a comedy(I hope). Either way this film should not be missed by Lee Van Cleef fans. You can pick up a copy for dirt cheap pretty much anywhere that sells westerns.

Or if you want  the crisp widescreen treatment you can pick up a copy at   www.Xploitedcinema.com


CRAP METER:9

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE:10


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 28, 2006, 01:08:30 AM
Heres what Shobary thought of "Captain Apache"...

http://spaghettiwesterns.1g.fi/captain/apache.htm


Be sure to check out the songs on the same page.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 28, 2006, 06:16:02 AM
April Morning horrible? NEVER
Its easily as good as Willian Shatner "singing" Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds ;D


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 28, 2006, 12:10:33 PM

Its easily as good as Willian Shatner "singing" Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds ;D

anybody got a link to that? I haven't had the pleasure I am afraid.

I have heard Shatner belch out Elton John's "Rocketman" though. Scary stuff man, scary stuff :o


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 28, 2006, 04:37:55 PM
here is another crap spag western porno

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0180920


This has a unique story behind it all.

There is a spaghetti western called "Requeim for a bounty hunter", its standard revenge flick, but apparently years later they took a print of "Requeim" and inter-cut soft core sex scenes to make this film ;D

Ah the stories of this genre.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 29, 2006, 01:19:45 AM
Ive decided to add a new feature to the reviews.

each review will have two meters at the bottom of the review.

the first meter, measures how crappy the crap I just reviewed was. The scale is from 1-10. 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest.

the second meter measures the enjoyment of the picture. even though some films are crap they can be quite enjoyable.
The scale is the same as the crappy meter.


I have only added these two meters to "Captain Apache" as I am far to lazy to bother with the others at the moment ;D

but fear not...I will get to it soon.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 29, 2006, 01:37:03 AM
I guess I am not as lazy as I thought myself to be. I did all of the meters on each review. If I am missing a review in which I did not put down two meters please inform me right away.




thanks,
The Firecracker


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 29, 2006, 02:15:39 AM
anybody got a link to that? I haven't had the pleasure I am afraid.

I have heard Shatner belch out Elton John's "Rocketman" though. Scary stuff man, scary stuff :o
There must be a listening sample on Amazon or somewhere-its an absolute "classic"  ;D


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 29, 2006, 03:46:28 PM
There must be a listening sample on Amazon or somewhere-its an absolute "classic"  ;D


I'll have to look into it. After hearing him sing "Rocket Man" I got to hear his rendition of "Lucy in the sky with diamonds".


Banjo have you seen "This man cant die" yet?
The title song is by far the best thing in that.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 30, 2006, 02:50:31 AM

I'll have to look into it. After hearing him sing "Rocket Man" I got to hear his rendition of "Lucy in the sky with diamonds".


Banjo have you seen "This man cant die" yet?
The title song is by far the best thing in that.
Wlliam Shatner sings LITSWD in a cringworthyspoken style-you reall y have to hear it to believe it-its very memorable.  ;D  I'm sure theres a sound sample on Amazon!
I haven't watched it!I know-all these false promises! :-\


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 30, 2006, 02:55:39 AM
Here goes,shame it gets cut off just before the chorus but it gives you some idea!
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0000032C1/103-9186978-4493454?v=glance&n=5174


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 30, 2006, 02:59:03 AM
Here goes,shame it gets cut off just before the chorus but it gives you some idea!
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0000032C1/103-9186978-4493454?v=glance&n=5174


just heard it...

May God help us all.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 30, 2006, 03:01:05 AM
Have you not heard Leonard Nimoys Ballad Of Bilbo Baggins?-its very much on par with Shatner ;D


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 30, 2006, 03:03:14 AM
Have you not heard Leonard Nimoys Ballad Of Bilbo Baggins?-its very much on par with Shatner ;D


The Ballad of Bilbo baggins?

Is that from "The Hobbit" cartoon from the 70's?

"The greatest adventure is just right ahead
today and tomorrow is yet to be said....etc."



Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 30, 2006, 03:06:15 AM
I don't know,but they had a Star Trek night on British tv a few years ago where they had a feature on Shatners and Nimoys "musical" adventures ;D
There must be a link also for the Bilbo Baggns song!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 30, 2006, 03:08:00 AM
I don't know,but they had a Star Trek night on British tv a few years ago where they had a feature on Shatners and Nimoys "musical" adventures ;D
There must be a link also for the Bilbo Baggns song!

I think its the same song...

Damn. That was a good song.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 30, 2006, 03:24:34 AM
I just heard a bit off Andy Griffith's rendition of "House of the rising sun".

I couldnt even tell if it was the same song.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 30, 2006, 03:44:44 AM
I think its the same song...

Damn. That was a good song.
I've been trying to find a sound sample of this too-not luck so far.I remember seeing Nimoy doing a live performance of this with the accompaniment of some goofy looking chicks wearing hobbit ears and bouncing around like kangaroos!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 30, 2006, 03:46:54 AM
I've been trying to find a sound sample of this too-not luck so far.I remember seeing Nimoy doing a live performance of this with the accompaniment of some goofy looking chicks wearing hobbit ears and bouncing around like kangaroos!

have you heard Nimoy's song "earth boy meets earth girl"(not sure if that is the correct title). He sings it as Spock. It is noted as one of the most wretched songs ever!

It is actually quite catchy in my opinion.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 30, 2006, 03:57:37 AM
There is an album on Amazon with Nimoys space themes and with samples-i'll check them out later for a chuckle! :)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 30, 2006, 03:59:25 AM
There is an album on Amazon with Nimoys space themes and with samples-i'll check them out later for a chuckle! :)

thats what it is.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 30, 2006, 04:10:24 AM
Hold on,i'll check it out!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 30, 2006, 04:11:36 AM
Here we go
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0000014WR/103-9186978-4493454?v=glance&n=5174


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 30, 2006, 04:15:18 AM
Here we go
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0000014WR/103-9186978-4493454?v=glance&n=5174


"Highly Illogical" was the song I was talking about earlier.
It really is pretty catchy however the small clip your link gives you doesnt do it justice.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 30, 2006, 04:17:51 AM
They always include(at random it seems) the wrong bits in their samples-hardly good business!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 30, 2006, 04:19:11 AM
They always include(at random it seems) the wrong bits in their samples-hardly good business!

yeah I know. Would it kill them to put the chorus?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 30, 2006, 04:25:56 AM
30 seconds is pathetic-you can't judge any song in that time!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 30, 2006, 04:29:45 AM
30 seconds is pathetic-you can't judge any song in that time!

ha! Try telling that to a snot-nosed teenagers. I recently tried to get my nephew into the Beatles and I sat him down on the sofa and put the boom box near him and popped in "The magical Mystery tour" and told him to look around....


He kept changing tracks every five seconds and I asked him "what are you doing!?" and he said "The beginning of those songs are to slow".
 :-\


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on April 30, 2006, 07:23:32 AM
Sounds like you've got your work cut out there Firecracker ;D


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on April 30, 2006, 09:20:03 AM
Sounds like you've got your work cut out there Firecracker ;D


I find it most illogical. ;)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 01, 2006, 01:30:00 AM
I've been trying to find a sound sample of this too-not luck so far.I remember seeing Nimoy doing a live performance of this with the accompaniment of some goofy looking chicks wearing hobbit ears and bouncing around like kangaroos!


Once again...May God help us all...

http://www.alteringtime.com/features/misc/?p=baggins



Banjo: what does a Star Trek character have to do with Tolkien's beloved childrens classic "The Hobbit"?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 02, 2006, 05:22:42 AM
review for

This Man Cant Die.


The opening scene and the finale are all to see in this film. everything else is tedious as hell. The premise is a government agent named Martin benson(Guy Madison) is given a mission to seek and destory some gun runners. the job leads him on a trek home. back at his families ranch there is a massacre. some greedy land grabbers kill his father and mother, all that are left alive are his two younger sisters and two brothers. One of the land grabbers henchmen are shot and left behind, when the children find him he is unconscious and badly wounded. The kids get the idea that if they keep him alive long enough for him to talk, he can rat out those responsible for the murder of there family. So by this time in the film I am thinking "this is cool! The man that is wounded is the man who cant die! so now the bad guys will stop at nothing to silence him before he can talk and the remaining family members must protect him from the onslaught of baddies". To bad none of this comes to pass. Instead we are subjected to a tedious tale of the older sister falling for the baddie she is looking after. this nightengale effect doesnt work at all. Some of the romance scenes are strecthed out for far to long.

meanwhile (during the REAL story) Martn is on his way home when he runs into the gun runners selling their supply to indians. He makes quick work of the  guns by blowing them up and rides off. After this decent action oriented diversion, were right back with the other story of the film, the love story, bleh. Afterwards Martin gets to town and finds out his family has been ambushed and killed. Martin hides out in the saloon with his hooker girlfriend. The baddies go inside the saloon  looking for martin(how do they know he is in town?). Martin rides away from the saloon while the hookers distract the baddies which ends up in a particularly dirty scene with the hookers being beaten and and grabbed in various places of their body. At that point I stopped the film, took a shower, and continued to watch the film.

The last 15 minutes are a decent view. We have a shoot out in the saloon and the final confrontation between Martin and the main villian on the secondfloor of a barn.  The two adversaries duke it out in a fist fight. Martin grabs a noose(for pulling up hay to the second floor I would imagine) and rings it around the villians neck then punches him of the second floor of the barn resulting in the villian being hanged, This visual isnt executed that well but it gets an "A" for effort.

The Actors:

Guy Madison(martin):Martin was the only character I enjoyed in the film. Unfortunatly his exploits have little screen time, the director obviously felt the romance between his Martin's older sister and the wounded baddie was more important, but in reality it holds little importance to the plot.

Martin's little brother(dont know name of actor): this is the same actor that played Franco Nero's younger sibling in "Texas Adios", and I must say he annoyed me to death in that movie. Luckily for him "Texas Adios" is a good film, this is not though.

Susie(dont know name of actress): Martin's ditsy sister. Though she is pretty, she holds no importance to the plot at all, but more time is spent on her doing nothing as opposed to Martin actually trying to make this a watchable film.

The wounded bad guy(dont know name of actor): Gets shot and does nothing the remainder of the film. If he was supposed to be "the man that cant die" because he holds vital information...I just dont see it. There never seems to be anytype of urgency with the fact that he might die from the gunshot, bad guys never come and try to silence him and shortly after the remaining family picks him up he wakes up from his knock out, so why is it they never pop the question(who are you working for?)? If he really had to be awake it would have made more sense if he had amnesia. But no, he is used as a stage prop, only there to fall in love with susie.


The Music: The only saving grace in this film. The main theme is really catchy and there is two scenes where the music was ripped off from "A fistful of dollars"soundtrack.

*note To Ennio Morricone*
Mr. Morricone please sue these hijos de gran putanas ASAP!
sue Uomo sue!!!!!

Also: the title (This man cant die) brings a few questions to mind...Who is this man who cannot die? where does he come from? where did he go? Because he sure as hell isnt in this movie.

Overall:
It is worth a view just for the theme song. I suggest buying it with the "diamond entertainment spaghetti western collection" which comes with 12 other spags. otherwise...STAY AWAY!


CRAP METER:6

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE:4
I saw it yesterday Firecracker,i agree with most of what you say and i also recognised the Morricone bit.The brassy part of the arrangement for the open theme reminded me of music from Bond movies!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 02, 2006, 10:47:49 AM
The brassy part of the arrangement for the open theme reminded me of music from Bond movies!

Yes it does. it is an excellent title theme.

What where some points you DIDNT agree with me on. I would like to discuss.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 02, 2006, 11:17:30 AM
I'm suffering with a bad hangover today so you'll get more out of me tommorow.I'm gonna try and watch Boot Hill in its entirity later this evening!
And then i'll give W.Django a proper look!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 02, 2006, 11:28:38 AM
I'm gonna try and watch Boot Hill in its entirity


That will not help your hang-over!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 02, 2006, 02:09:35 PM
W.Django a proper look!


I think you would enjoy "W Django" better than you did "This Man cant die". It is a much more entertaining film.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 02, 2006, 03:44:46 PM
That will not help your hang-over!
Boy is that film an endurance test-so tedious and that circus music drives you nuts.I thought the best part of the film was Woody Strode and it was nice to see him in a more substantial role for once.His physique and athleticism seemed to suit the acrobat role even if it is quite ludicrous for a sw!He was pretty good when finally he turned into a gunslinger for the climax of the movie :)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 02, 2006, 05:32:17 PM
Boy is that film an endurance test-so tedious and that circus music drives you nuts.I thought the best part of the film was Woody Strode and it was nice to see him in a more substantial role for once.His physique and athleticism seemed to suit the acrobat role even if it is quite ludicrous for a sw!He was pretty good when finally he turned into a gunslinger for the climax of the movie :)


I thought Woody looked ridiculous in that outfit. He turned into a gunslinger? when? I couldnt tell with the under water like transfer ;D

I will be picking  the Wild East transfer of "Boot Hill" just to see if I am missing something from this awful movie. but I wont be buying it for awhile though.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Leone Admirer on May 03, 2006, 03:06:16 AM
Review for "Captain Apache".

CRAP METER:9

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE:10

Great review Firecracker. Thanks  ;D


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 03, 2006, 05:46:37 AM
I will be picking  the Wild East transfer of "Boot Hill" just to see if I am missing something from this awful movie. but I wont be buying it for awhile though.
You will have to had totally exhausted you wants by then i think :(


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 03, 2006, 06:02:51 AM
About This Man Can't Die i agree with you about the beginning and end being by far the best part of the movie.I didn't care much for  dull Guy Madison as a leading man though but his younger brother is irritating in whatever sw i've seen him in.
Started watching W.Django and i've enjoyed what i've seen so far!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 03, 2006, 11:15:09 AM
W.Django and i've enjoyed what i've seen so far!

It is enjoyable for what it is worth however some things didnt settle with me, like the jokiness of it all. At times it is very serious and others it seems that it was done for comedy. I was mostly angry at the fact that I paid so high a price for such an awful transfer.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 04, 2006, 12:43:18 PM
Great review Firecracker. Thanks  ;D

Did you hear the "april morning" song on Shobary's site? Its classic ;D


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 05, 2006, 06:04:29 PM

I think you would enjoy "W Django" better than you did "This Man cant die". It is a much more entertaining film.
I enjoyed W.Django immensely despite the awful print-it seems to suffer a few micro second cuts in places :)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 05, 2006, 06:08:12 PM
it seems to suffer a few micro second cuts in places :)

yes they are awful! And they are so noticiable. The remasterers basically spat in my face when I bought it. And did you see the credits get cut. It was hilarious. what a sloppy job.
THE MENU IS GREAT THOUGH!!! and it got my hopes up for the transfer.


I saw "Town called Hell" last night and will be reviewing it tomorrow night.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 05, 2006, 06:27:42 PM
I've seen worse and my viewing pleasure wasn't spoilt.
I'd give W.Django a 65-70% rating!
I'll make a point of watching Town Called Hell again- its a Euro isn't it?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 05, 2006, 06:29:51 PM

I'll make a point of watching Town Called Hell again- its a Euro isn't it?


yes it was financed by English cash.
so it is a "Fish and chips western" ;D


And boy is it bad. Entertaining(as a 1 time thing) but bad.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 06, 2006, 05:43:17 PM
What percentage would you award W.Django then?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 06, 2006, 05:44:53 PM
What percentage would you award W.Django then?


I would have to see it again to be sure BUT I say a solid 65%

that could change.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 06, 2006, 05:47:27 PM
Yeah i can never quite make up my mind with Steffen but hes definately got that penetrating Eastwood like stare more than anyone else!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 06, 2006, 05:52:15 PM
Yeah i can never quite make up my mind with Steffen but hes definately got that penetrating Eastwood like stare more than anyone else!


I enjoy Steffen but he isnt really an sw heavy weight as some make him out to be.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 06, 2006, 06:03:56 PM
No way i much prefer Nero ,Terence Hill and Garko for Italian anti-heroes.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 06, 2006, 06:07:06 PM
No way i much prefer Nero ,Terence Hill and Garko for Italian anti-heroes.

of course. They are much better.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 06, 2006, 06:21:36 PM
Yeah theres definately some more Garko on my wanted list including They Call Me Cemetery and They Call Me Holy Ghost-one has William Berger i think!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 06, 2006, 06:23:13 PM
I learned about a new Gianni Garko film the other day(I thought I knew them all!!!).

Its called " the Price of Death".

It has Kinski as the bad guy and Garko as the hero.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 06, 2006, 06:30:02 PM
I'm not sure i like the look of the unofficial Garko Sartana
film featured on the Wildeast Sartana DVD trailer :-\


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 06, 2006, 06:32:32 PM
I'm not sure i like the look of the unofficial Garko Sartana
film featured on the Wildeast Sartana DVD trailer :-\

"And Sartana kills them all" is not something I will be picking up any time soon. It doesnt look that great. I will eventually, in a few years though when I am desperate.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 06, 2006, 06:39:31 PM
Not unless the trailers doing it a diservice!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 06, 2006, 06:40:35 PM
Not unless the trailers doing it a diservice!


true, but I can be patient. ;)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: boardwalk_angel on May 06, 2006, 08:05:47 PM
Yeah theres definately some more Garko on my wanted list including They Call Me Cemetery ...........-one has William Berger i think!

I can definitely recommend "They Call Him Cemetery"........Berger's very good in it..& Garko is too.
I've been planning on doing a writeup on it..when I get around to it. Definite fun factor...good script. And a good Morricone score.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 07, 2006, 06:16:03 AM
Thanks Boardwalk Angel and i really enjoy reading your reviews.You must have quite some collection by now!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: boardwalk_angel on May 07, 2006, 12:09:47 PM
Thanks Boardwalk Angel and i really enjoy reading your reviews.You must have quite some collection by now!

Thank you..your banjoness..that makes me feel good. :-* I try to make 'em fun..informative..& keep them spoiler-free.
Yes..the cold dark winter saw my SW collection grow a lot..nothing lifts one's spirits like a hot cocoa & a good massacre. ;)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 08, 2006, 03:54:32 AM
Your Banjoness? I like that :-*
Are you into 3 figures yet? ::)
I'm not very far off! :)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: boardwalk_angel on May 08, 2006, 12:49:36 PM
Your Banjoness? I like that :-*
Are you into 3 figures yet? ::)
I'm not very far off! :)

Not quite.....I've seen 87......w/ 3 on the shelf at the moment...one at the video store which I'll rent..that'll bring me to 91 watched.
I have 73 of those in my collection.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 08, 2006, 12:54:35 PM
one at the video store which I'll rent..

you must be really lucky to be able to rent at a video store such obscure films. The local Blockbuster would never carry a spaghetti western unless it is GBU. They dont even carry the rest of the dollars trilogy.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 08, 2006, 10:28:50 PM
review for..."A Town Called Hell"

This toilet shoot reject is also known as "Town Called Bastard", but because of the word "Bastard" it was quickly replaced with the word "Hell" due to censorship. ironically enough One of the characters in the film still refer to the town as "bastardo".

The film is not a "spaghetti western" in a sense because it was NOT financed by Italian, german or spanish money, it was not directed by an Italian AND was not even shot in almeria(as far as I can tell). This was financed by English cash making it a "Fish and chips western"( ;D sorry  :( ). But either way it is still considered apart of the spag genre.

The premise is a Widow(sex Goddess Stella Stevens), still dressed in her funeral gown, rides into the town of Bast errr..."Hell". The town has been recently raided by a band of Mexican bandits led by the wonderfully camp Telly Savalas. The Widow(stevens) rides in on a funeral stagecoach with her trusty servent/bodyguard looking for the man who killed her husband. She is willing to give 200,000 dollars to the person who tells her where the man who killed her husband is. This arouses the interest of Savalas character and he begins to concoct a plan to try and steal the cash from her. What follows is a very silly and ridiculously  awful mess. The plot should have stayed consistant with the story centralizing on the Stella Stevens character, instead we get an assortment of characters with all sorts of back stories and secret agendas. By far the most interesting character is the Telly Savalas character. Unfortunatly for us(and him) he gets shot and is displayed on a pole for all the town to see thirty minutes into the picture. So he is out of here pretty quickly, leaving us(the audience) with nothing but a bunch slow and crappy flashbacks. One flashback takes up 17 MINUTES of the film!!! You basically forget that there is another story in the process. When your brought back to the present you are left disoriented and lost. The film leads to an unsurprising ending that I wont even spoil because I would have to write the whole needlessly confusiong plot for you too understand. Overall It was an entertaining flick for what it was but I wont be revisiting it again.

I have noticed that the non-italian "spaghetti westerns"(British, American directors filming in Almeria etc.) tend to be more brutal and violent than there Italian counter-parts, this rings true for this film. But it doesnt make it a good Euro western. I think the outsiders that wanted to make a "spaghetti western" missed the whole point. They thought the genre was all "blood and guts", while that may be true there is always a sense of style in an Italian western that the "wannabes"(like this film) failed to grasp.

Actors

Stella Stevens:Travels in a funeral stagecoach while sleeping in a coffin. When she is not in her "Death Bed" she is standing around like a wooden plank(usually in the grave yard). She only has at least fifteen lines and most of it consist of the same line "who killed my husband". Boring role for the sex starlet.

Martin Landua: yes it is him! he shows up as a mexican general. His role is laughable. He reaches a level of cheese like no other. One minute he is calm the next he is bursting with rage and barking orders(it is rather funny). But overall his stay is short and there is no closure to his character even though he is the star ::)

Telly Savalas: Finally something worth mentioning! telly does a great job as the rather eccentric mexican bandit Don Juan. He has all sorts of strange mannerisms like pulling on others clothing constantly and sliding his hand across his bald head. He touches almost every prop in sight!!! Great performance!


Overall: If you have to pay...stay away.
If its free...have a look-see.

Not recommended for non-fans or casual fans of the genre.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 09, 2006, 05:13:46 AM
I have noticed that the non-italian "spaghetti westerns"(British, American directors filming in Almeria etc.) tend to be more brutal and violent than there Italian counter-parts, this rings true for this film. But it doesnt make it a good Euro western. I think the outsiders that wanted to make a "spaghetti western" missed the whole point. They thought the genre was all "blood and guts", while that may be true there is always a sense of style in an Italian western that the "wannabes"(like this film) failed to grasp.
I agree with this comment and your excellent review totally although theres enough sw related content to make me want to keep this movie on video tape unlike Savalas's other Euro-Pancho Villa-theres absolutely nothing of any merit in that turkey :(


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 09, 2006, 09:23:57 AM
Shame about Savalas he turned in a great performance but is killed off rather early. I was expecting him to be the main bad guy of the piece. :(


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 09, 2006, 02:58:14 PM
Euro-Pancho Villa-theres absolutely nothing of any merit in that turkey :(


You just reminded me I have to sit through that soon. I bought it recently for a few bucks. May God help me :(

Perhaps I will watch it after "Get Mean", "The Specialist" and "Heads you die, tails I kill you"  arrive in the mail. At least I will have those three to look forward too after the crappy "Pancho Villa".


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 15, 2006, 12:34:25 AM

 "Get Mean", "The Specialist" and "Heads you die, tails I kill you" 


if the mail cooperates I will be getting these tomorrow. If any of these are crap, you know where they will end up to be reviewed. However knowing a bit about the titles myself, I doubt a crap review will be needed for any of them.


Cigar Joe: I will have to locate your old "specialist" thread so I can review it along side your own review.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 15, 2006, 07:43:44 PM
I'm sure you won't find Heads You Die crap if you love Hilton in Fistful of Lead!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 15, 2006, 11:45:40 PM
I'm sure you won't find Heads You Die crap if you love Hilton in Fistful of Lead!

have yet to see it. Saw "Specialist" first. I am happy to anounce that it was good and will not be getting a crap review. I made a positive review in Cigar Joe's thread.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 18, 2006, 05:18:05 PM
Get Mean:(as I have stated elsewhere) is a fun film. I would pu it down as GOOD.

Heads you die, tails I kill you: is GOOD as well, however it is far to silly to be anything but just above average.

I enjoyed "Get Mean" better.


This new batch will not be reviewed on the crap list.


on a side note I have been wrestling with myself on whether or not I should include "God's Gun" as a crap sw to review. I really enjoy this film and I would be dishonest to myself to rate it badly. perhaps Banjo can help me with this decision(even though I already know what he will say...).


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 19, 2006, 05:59:53 AM
perhaps Banjo can help me with this decision(even though I already know what he will say...).
I gave Gods Gun a 1% rating elsewhere-need i say anymore? ;D


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 24, 2006, 12:25:44 AM
I gave Gods Gun a 1% rating elsewhere-need i say anymore? ;D


I dont understand why. I really dont. Yes it is a bad movie but it never pretends to not be one. It knows it is awful, their in lies the fun. You cannot deny that it has a few good action scenes. For instance when a baddie gives Van Cleef a bunch of flowers which hides a gun. That is a great scene!

Van Cleef's performance is good as well. Somebody once mentioned on here that he gives more energy towards his crappier vehicles and it is true. Jack Palance is a wonderful cartoonish baddie here. There is not much to hate with the film it turns of acting.

if your problem is Van Cleef's wig, then I cannot defend that.

I just want to know if the director, after doing top notch spaghettis, was going for "purposeful bad" or he was just doing hack work.



Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 24, 2006, 06:42:51 AM
The main problem is not only the wig but the helium induced non-LVC dubbing for his two characters.Together with the bad music and attrocious print of my dvd i find it physically impossible to sit through all of this-which at least i managed(eventually) with Boot Hill.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 24, 2006, 01:00:53 PM
The main problem is not only the wig but the helium induced non-LVC dubbing for his two characters.


I honestly think that is Van Cleef dubbing his own voice only trying to have a less familiar voice when dubbing. His old voice comes out of the two characters every now and again.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 24, 2006, 02:59:08 PM
Maybe he managed this by taking a gulp of helium before each line! ;D
Seriously though i really don't think it is LVC-maybe we should like into it more! ::)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 24, 2006, 03:00:16 PM

Seriously though i really don't think it is LVC-maybe we should like into it more! ::)

I was watching it last night. It does sound like him, at least when his real voice escapes.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 24, 2006, 03:00:47 PM
besides what would be the point in dubbing him?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 24, 2006, 05:26:26 PM
Maybe LVC went AWOL or something and they had to bring someone else in at short notice.This wouldn't have been a first in a sw-apparently Franco Nero got overdubbed by someone else in Cry Onion from about the same time.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 24, 2006, 07:19:35 PM
This wouldn't have been a first in a sw-apparently Franco Nero got overdubbed by someone else in Cry Onion from about the same time.



yeah but I think the Jimmy Stewart sound alike was intentional for the extra laugh. I had a chance to buy "Cry Onion" off  ebay about a week ago but decided to get the wonderful "Get Mean" poster instead.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 24, 2006, 07:21:26 PM
Together with the bad music

I disagree, the whistling is quite good. However the rest of the music is pretty bland but not awful.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 25, 2006, 04:15:32 AM
If i could see a pristine widescreen version of Gods Gun then i'd give it another go-afterall Derringdo did say the new Boot Hill print dvd changed some minds.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 25, 2006, 12:16:31 PM
afterall Derringdo did say the new Boot Hill print dvd changed some minds.

which has yet to be proven.

The eurotrash place has a widescreen copy of "God"s Gun".
I saw a nice pristine copy(fullscreen though) on Encore westerns not to long ago.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 25, 2006, 04:58:46 PM
Is there a widescreen dvd of Captain Apache available yet?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: boardwalk_angel on May 25, 2006, 05:07:41 PM
which has yet to be proven.
 a widescreen copy of "God"s Gun".

A widescreen copy of Gods Gun is kinda like putting perfume on a pig...if it looks like a pig..if it walks like a pig...it's still a pig ..............eh?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 25, 2006, 05:12:33 PM
A widescreen copy of Gods Gun is kinda like putting perfume on a pig...if it looks like a pig..if it walks like a pig...it's still a pig ..............eh?
Its one of those rare sw's where it makes for real uncomfortable viewing - i respect anyone that can bear to sit through this more than once because i can't. :o


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 25, 2006, 07:04:36 PM
it's still a pig ...........[/i]...eh?


its still a charming pig.

Pigs are nicer than people dont ya know?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 25, 2006, 10:26:25 PM
Is there a widescreen dvd of Captain Apache available yet?

yeah xploitedcinema has a nice copy of it.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 25, 2006, 10:28:31 PM
Its one of those rare sw's where it makes for real uncomfortable viewing


what others can you mention? I personally wouldnt put "God's Gun" on the list as I have seen it at least three times.

my list of uncomfortables would have to be...

Boot Hill
It can be done amigo
Kid Vengeance


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Sundance on May 26, 2006, 12:01:45 AM
Is there a widescreen dvd of Captain Apache available yet?

I'm not exactly sure about all the releases. The R2 UK disc which is at xploitedcinema is anamorphic widescreen 1.85:1 which means it's unfortunately cropped as it should be 2.35:1. US discs may all be fullscreen, probably the same with australian disc. No idea about spanish one (which probably doesn't have english audio anyways).

There's a very recent french release of the movie though. Non-anamorphic but it's atleast almost in the correct aspect ratio. Unfortunately, of course, only in French language and available only from some news stands or markets in France. (regular price I think is around 5-10euros but you can probably find some from french ebay for 20euros ;) )

This is how the UK disc looks like:
http://10kbullets.com/images/2005/12/captainapache-05.jpg

And here's the french one:
http://www.sundances.net/spaghetti/screenshots/captainapache-fr-1h06m27s.jpg

Even though the french disc has much more image at the sides, it's cropped a bit from top and bottom. I know there's not probably much missing but makes me pissed off anyways. >:( :P


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 26, 2006, 02:36:03 AM


Even though the french disc has much more image at the sides, it's cropped a bit from top and bottom. I know there's not probably much missing but makes me pissed off anyways. >:( :P


yeah the French one is distracting with its weird cropped widescreen. However, its captain apache for Christ sakes not Lawrence of Arabia!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 26, 2006, 05:57:15 AM
I'd much prefer to see a widescreen version of Captain Apache than Lawrence of Arabia though-even if its a lot less likely they'll ever make a remake of the former ;D


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 26, 2006, 06:05:57 AM

what others can you mention? I personally wouldnt put "God's Gun" on the list as I have seen it at least three times.

my list of uncomfortables would have to be...

Boot Hill
It can be done amigo
Kid Vengeance

I agree about Boot Hill and Can Be Done Amigo but i've never seen Kid Vengeance.I know this is also called Take Another Hard Ride but d'ya know how much if anything from Weissers book if this has anything in common director/cast wise as LVC's previous Take A Hard Ride which incidently was filmed in somewhere like the Canary Islands i believe?
I can't really think of anything offhand as tedious as the ones we mentioned so far because i've tried to be reasonably selective with my sw puchases-maybe theres something else on the Diamond Box set?There are some crappy Euro westerns out there-i never bothered to keep Pancho Villa(with Telly Savalas) on video tape because it was soooo bad! :(


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 26, 2006, 12:23:49 PM
I agree about Boot Hill and Can Be Done Amigo but i've never seen Kid Vengeance.I know this is also called Take Another Hard Ride but d'ya know how much if anything from Weissers book if this has anything in common director/cast wise as LVC's previous Take A Hard Ride which incidently was filmed in somewhere like the Canary Islands i believe?



It is another Jim Brown with LVC vehicle so I am sure they tried to sell it off as a sequel to the real "Take a hard ride".

canary islands? never knew that though it wouldnt surprise me.
It sure wasnt Almeria I can tell yez that!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 26, 2006, 12:24:47 PM
I'd much prefer to see a widescreen version of Captain Apache than Lawrence of Arabia though

agreed. At least I can sit through Captain Apache more than once( shame on you Lawrence).


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on May 28, 2006, 06:00:41 PM
Everybody lets welcome "Blood at sundown" as being the new entry to our crap list. I will review it soon.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on May 29, 2006, 06:54:46 AM
You're not getting too cynical and picky in your old age are you Firecracker? ;D
I'm looking forward to seeing this along with Long Days Of Vengeance. :)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on June 03, 2006, 04:14:41 PM
You're not getting too cynical and picky in your old age are you Firecracker? ;D

perhaps. I am starting to add sw that are in some others lists(Robb's list) as being top 50 quality. But I fail to see these two as top 50 anything. There are better and more underrated sw out there.


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on June 03, 2006, 06:30:31 PM
Lief Garret doesnt fair much better as the vengeance seeking little tyke. his role is to just look pissed during his journey for justice and cry while his mom is being raped by Van cleef.
Don't really want to watch this scene-i think with everything else you talked me out of it.
Its a shame because the other two pairings of LVC and Jim Brown-Take A Hard Ride and El Condor aren't that bad at all. :)


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on June 03, 2006, 06:33:59 PM
Don't really want to watch this scene-i think with everything else you talked me out of it.


the raping is seen from afar.


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on June 04, 2006, 04:13:10 AM
the raping is seen from afar.
Maybe because LVC refused to do the scene and someone else doubled for him?
I'm sure i heard that LVC refused to hit Bill Carsons woman in GBU so someone else actually dealt the blows.


Title: Re: EDIT: reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on June 04, 2006, 10:45:24 AM

I'm sure i heard that LVC refused to hit Bill Carsons woman in GBU so someone else actually dealt the blows.


yes he did refuse but I think they convinced him to do it anyway.



Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Arizona Colt on June 05, 2006, 12:17:10 AM
Now there's a 2 disc set of BOOT HILL. It's an italian disc I think. Xploited has it. I remember this being very BAD although somewhere down the road I may check out Wild Easts disc which is probably a boot of this disc.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on June 05, 2006, 10:15:44 AM
Now there's a 2 disc set of BOOT HILL. It's an italian disc I think. Xploited has it. I remember this being very BAD although somewhere down the road I may check out Wild Easts disc which is probably a boot of this disc.

if the 2 disc set just recently came out then the Wild East version cannot be a boot leg of the Italian version.Wild East's version has been floating about since 2002 or earlier.

and yes it is indeed a bad film. But according to a few on here the widescreen copy is worth a look and may change our minds.
You can see my review for it on this very thread.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on June 27, 2006, 04:14:56 AM
gotta get back on the horse with this one soon!

When I get back home I'll get down to these reviews again.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: cigar joe on June 27, 2006, 05:11:07 AM
 :P


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Arizona Colt on June 27, 2006, 10:39:23 AM
if the 2 disc set just recently came out then the Wild East version cannot be a boot leg of the Italian version.Wild East's version has been floating about since 2002 or earlier.

and yes it is indeed a bad film. But according to a few on here the widescreen copy is worth a look and may change our minds.
You can see my review for it on this very thread.
Not sure when it came out I'm just assuming since several of there discs are ports of japanese and italian discs.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on June 28, 2006, 01:02:40 AM
:P

I dont follow CJ?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 19, 2006, 01:21:30 PM


Haven't seen Kid Vengeance, but other fans have commented to me on how the one assault looks like it intercuts generic shots of him looking evil w/ a body double doing the other stuff.


Good to finally have you back Derringdo. I saw you lurking in LVC's forum.
In "Kid Vengeance" the rape scene is seen from a far so it could be LVC or it could not be.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 19, 2006, 01:25:50 PM
Good to finally have you back Derringdo. I saw you lurking in LVC's forum.
In "Kid Vengeance" the rape scene is seen from a far so it could be LVC or it could not be.

Kid Vengeance sucked, really bad. It came with my Death Rides a Horse DVD so i watched it saying, " Might as well give it a try. "

But it was horrible! How can one kid kill off three other guys with rifles using a couple of rocks? I only watched about half of it before I said " enough of this sh*t and turned it off. "


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 20, 2006, 02:45:07 AM
finished the rest of "Take a hard ride" right now.

I liked it.

the director has a real eye as to where to put the camera. he makes some really dynamic shots during action scenes.
LVC is way better when alone than riding with a posse, he seems more menacing going solo. Riding around with hired gunmen makes him look like a pansy.

That and Tyree's fall through the waterfall were the only thing I found bad in this film.

The soundtrack isnt very spaghetti, in fact it leans more towards American westerns. It gets the job done though.

now I'm a bit confused...is this even considered a spaghetti western? or is it a euro? This felt more like "100 rifles"(even though this is much better). I think this is a euro.
Banjo, do you know by any chance? The landscape isnt Almeria that much I can say...


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on July 20, 2006, 04:25:56 AM
Banjo, do you know by any chance? The landscape isnt Almeria that much I can say...
Canary Islands-thats near enough to Spain to call it a sw i reckon and most books seem to concur.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on July 23, 2006, 04:45:20 AM
Kid Vengeance sucked, really bad. It came with my Death Rides a Horse DVD so i watched it saying, " Might as well give it a try. "

But it was horrible! How can one kid kill off three other guys with rifles using a couple of rocks? I only watched about half of it before I said " enough of this sh*t and turned it off. "
I got Kid Vengeance recently but i'm scared to watch it.I'm still having nightmares over what they did to LVC's appearance and voice in Gods Gun :-[
Firecracker are there any latest contenders for this prestigious thread? ;D


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 10:02:13 AM

Firecracker are there any latest contenders for this prestigious thread? ;D
I still have to add White Comanche. I probably have to watch it again (yawn) before I can review it since I dont remember much already. Also got to add "pancho villa" when I see it (shudder).

but as far as the new batch of pasta that I got in the mail last week...no everything is to my liking. I started watching the sequel to Providence and its pretty damn good.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on July 23, 2006, 11:32:49 AM
I still have to add White Comanche. I probably have to watch it again (yawn) before I can review it since I dont remember much already. Also got to add "pancho villa" when I see it (shudder).

but as far as the new batch of pasta that I got in the mail last week...no everything is to my liking. I started watching the sequel to Providence and its pretty damn good.
As well as the few unwatched ones i gotta see,i need to go through most of my collection again to find out further fabrications in Weissers book.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 12:31:51 PM
but as far as the new batch of pasta that I got in the mail last week...no everything is to my liking. I started watching the sequel to Providence and its pretty damn good.

Wasn't that Here We Go Again, Eh Providence? I've heard good things about the Providence series.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 05:01:48 PM
Wasn't that Here We Go Again, Eh Providence? I've heard good things about the Providence series.

Thats the one.
The series (two films) is a hit or miss affair as far as the jokes go but they are good films and worth a view.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 05:03:39 PM
Thats the one.
The series (two films) is a hit or miss affair as far as the jokes go but they are good films and worth a view.

I saw it on a website, it's a region-free DVD so I might ask for it for my birthday.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 05:07:00 PM
I saw it on a website, it's a region-free DVD so I might ask for it for my birthday.

there much better saghetti westerns out there Peacemaker. Dont make this purchase until you've pretty much ran out of spaghettis on your "to watch" list.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 05:10:09 PM
there much better saghetti westerns out there Peacemaker. Dont make this purchase until you've pretty much ran out of spaghettis on your "to watch" list.

Ok.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 05:10:53 PM
try the Sartana series for example.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 05:13:13 PM
try the Sartana series for example.

The first one I'm going to get from a website is God Forgives...I don't, which to me looks really good.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 05:18:11 PM
The first one I'm going to get from a website is God Forgives...I don't, which to me looks really good.
cheers to that. I havent seen that one myself.

you should check out wild east's stuff. they have some impressive titles for a decent price.

I can recommend you...

Day of Anger
Kill and Pray
double LVC feature "grand duel/Beyond the law(for sure get this!)
If you meet Sartana, pray for your death

................................................................................................................
"Ben and charlie"
and
"Gentlemen killers" I own but still havent seen yet.



"Taste of killing" is pretty average in my opinion.

have you been on their web site?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 05:19:51 PM
cheers to that. I havent seen that one myself.

you should check out wild east's stuff. they have some impressive titles for a decent price.

I can recommend you...

Day of Anger
Kill and Pray
double LVC feature "grand duel/Beyond the law(for sure get this!)
If you meet Sartana, pray for your death

................................................................................................................
"Ben and charlie"
and
"Gentlemen killers" I own but still havent seen yet.



"Taste of killing" is pretty average in my opinion.

have you been on their web site?

No but Boardwalk Angel sent me a website that sells multi-region DVDs. You want the website?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 05:21:06 PM
You want the website?

yes please. I'll send you wild east.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 05:23:44 PM
enjoy peacemaker!

http://www.wildeast.net/catalog1.html

Notice: they have two good titles on the way...


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 05:24:27 PM
enjoy peacemaker!

http://www.wildeast.net/catalog.html

Notice: they have two good titles on the way...

The site is down.   :(


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 05:25:48 PM
The site is down.   :(
now it aint.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 05:27:40 PM
now it aint.

Really? When I click on the link it says The page can not be found, The page you are looking for might have been removed, had its name changed, or is temporarily unavailable.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 05:28:59 PM
Really? When I click on the link it says The page can not be found, The page you are looking for might have been removed, had its name changed, or is temporarily unavailable.

dont try your link. try mine. I changed it. it should work now. it works here fine.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 05:30:18 PM
dont try your link. try mine. I changed it. it should work now. it works here fine.

Thanks, it worked!   ;D


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 05:39:54 PM
Thanks, it worked!   ;D
see anything ya like?

I can vouch for the quality of the dvds. Its all good stuff.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 05:51:02 PM
see anything ya like?

I can vouch for the quality of the dvds. Its all good stuff.

Well, I want to get the widescreen version of Boot Hill and Sartana is a must.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 06:01:52 PM
On the Luminous website I'm going to get God Forgives..I Don't, which I already mentioned, and Forgotten Pistolero. And The Grand Duel. I almost forgot that one.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 06:04:47 PM
And The Grand Duel. I almost forgot that one.

get the Grand Duel from wild east. It comes with Beyond the law and is probably a better transfer anyway.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 06:05:11 PM
get the Grand Duel from wild east. It comes with Beyond the law and is probably a better transfer anyway.

Okay.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 06:05:46 PM
get the Grand Duel from wild east. It comes with Beyond the law and is probably a better transfer anyway.

Are they in widescreen?


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 06:06:02 PM
The first Sartana is not the best in the series in my opinion but it an excellent movie.

do you know the website "xploitedcinema"? they have hundreds of spaghetti westerns for you to choose from there.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 06:06:27 PM
Are they in widescreen?

all of wild easts dvds are in widescreen.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 06:07:14 PM
all of wild easts dvds are in widescreen.

Yes.   8)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 06:08:01 PM
Not interested in Day of anger?



Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 06:09:27 PM
Not interested in Day of anger?



To me, it looks eh. It looks like it relies to much on Gemma's stunt ability and action. I might pick it up anyway.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 06:10:27 PM
To me, it looks eh. It looks like it relies to much on Gemma's stunt ability and action. I might pick it up anyway.
youve seen the trailer?

the wild east one is out of print but...

you can pick it up here...

www.xpliotedcinema.com


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 06:11:53 PM
youve seen the trailer?


Yeh. I saw all the trailers on Shobary's site.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 06:13:28 PM
Yeh. I saw all the trailers on Shobary's site.
lucky you. i'm not able to see those trailers..dont know why? I follow the instructions and even download all that crap it asked me to and I still am not able to catch a glimpse.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 06:14:54 PM
you should really think about getting "massacre time".

dont listen to shobary's misleading review. That film deserves at least a 90%.

it has one of the most creative gunfights of the genre as well as the best Whip fight I have ever seen in any film.



Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 06:16:20 PM
lucky you. i'm not able to see those trailers..dont know why? I follow the instructions and even download all that crap it asked me to and I still am not able to catch a glimpse.

Sorry about that. The trailers are pretty good too. It's the reason why I wanted Blindman so badly, the trailer ( a different version from the one on the DVD ) was awesome, even though it was Italian!   ;D


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 06:17:53 PM
Sorry about that. The trailers are pretty good too. It's the reason why I wanted Blindman so badly, the trailer ( a different version from the one on the DVD ) was awesome, even though it was Italian!   ;D
the one I got from my dvd (and the one I gave to you) is total crap.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 06:19:45 PM
the one I got from my dvd (and the one I gave to you) is total crap.

It really is. The audio and video are seperate. The only good thing about the trailer was the rock song in the background.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 06:21:29 PM
It really is. The audio and video are seperate. The only good thing about the trailer was the rock song in the background.
actually I thought the rock song was one of the worst features of the trailer. it didnt fit the movie at all.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 06:22:58 PM
actually I thought the rock song was one of the worst features of the trailer. it didnt fit the movie at all.

It really didn't. But the song was cool.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 06:24:03 PM
you should really think about getting "massacre time".

dont listen to shobary's misleading review. That film deserves at least a 90%.

it has one of the most creative gunfights of the genre as well as the best Whip fight I have ever seen in any film.



I'll look into that. With all these spaghettis I'm going to have to write a list.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 23, 2006, 06:25:23 PM
I'll look into that. With all these spaghettis I'm going to have to write a list.

make sure spaghetti fatigue doesnt get ya.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 23, 2006, 06:33:56 PM
make sure spaghetti fatigue doesnt get ya.

Beebs and Boardwalk Angel's spaghetti disease might be spreading to me. It's an epidemic on these boards.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on July 24, 2006, 02:45:10 AM
The first one I'm going to get from a website is God Forgives...I don't, which to me looks really good.
Don't wanna put the spanner in your works Peacemaker but i was disappointed with this one-much too slow and humourless.The second in the trilogy Ace High is a big improvement but there are much better sw's out there to get first ::)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on July 24, 2006, 02:52:59 AM

Kill and Pray
For the record Firecracker,someone lent me the Wildeast disc which i thought would be longer but it turned out that the running time is exactly the same as my 4front video tape.
Also compared to the Johnny Yuma version we both have on the Diamond set the extra subtitled footage of the child murder on the Wildeast disc is only about 30 seconds.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 24, 2006, 01:01:30 PM

Also compared to the Johnny Yuma version we both have on the Diamond set the extra subtitled footage of the child murder on the Wildeast disc is only about 30 seconds.

I'm not crying over this.


good to hear that Kill and Pray isnt cut.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on July 25, 2006, 03:49:33 PM
I'm not crying over this.
No it ain't no big deal-just the bad guy stamping once on the kids head and a couple of subtitled lines.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on July 25, 2006, 11:31:04 PM
No it ain't no big deal-just the bad guy stamping once on the kids head and a couple of subtitled lines.

stamping! yech! Thats pretty brutal.

if you read what weisser has to say about the films violence...he says something along these lines...

"while it may be one of the most violent and brutal of all the spaghettis...its also the most talky"

for once I agree with him.

You gotta give props to Weisser on a few things sometimes...after all he has nothing but praise for "Django" (which is hard to find anywhere else).


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on July 26, 2006, 02:34:43 AM
You gotta give props to Weisser on a few things sometimes...after all he has nothing but praise for "Django" (which is hard to find anywhere else).
Check out Howard Hughes books where he rates Django as highly as Leones westerns ::)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Peacemaker on July 26, 2006, 08:24:59 AM
Check out Howard Hughes books where he rates Django as highly as Leones westerns ::)

Django rocks!   ;D


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on September 01, 2006, 09:21:28 PM
Yikes! Here is a prime candidate for this thread...


"The Crazy Bunch!"

Directed by Giuliano Carnimeo.

Starring
George Hilton

I saw the first 12 minutes of this and it's really really bad. It's a comedy western but falls flat on it's face on 90% of the jokes.
I even hate Hilton's dubber.

I hope the rest of the film picks up or else it will end up here for me to review (eventually). And I'm real lazy so I don't want to have another review on my hands.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on September 03, 2006, 03:36:44 AM
I scanned through this very quickly and it does look to be a real turkey :-[
This is the sequel to Man Called Invincible(which i have in German without subtitles-i got refunded! ;) ) and in both Hilton plays a character called Tresette.
   It would seem (shock,horror :o ) that Guiliano Carmineo has for once(or twice!  ) faltered by going just that bit to much OTT with the slapstick.
   Maybe he should've made a couple more Sartana films instead!


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on September 03, 2006, 07:37:17 AM
I scanned through this very quickly and it does look to be a real turkey :-[
This is the sequel to Man Called Invincible(which i have in German without subtitles-i got refunded! ;) ) and in both Hilton plays a character called Tresette.
   It would seem (shock,horror :o ) that Guiliano Carmineo has for once(or twice!  ) faltered by going just that bit to much OTT with the slapstick.
   Maybe he should've made a couple more Sartana films instead!


What is the Crazy Bunch under in Weisser's book of lies? I can't seem to find it under "the crazy bunch".


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Silenzio on September 03, 2006, 10:55:11 AM
Django rocks!   ;D

That sounds like a title to one of the Django "sequels."  ::)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on September 04, 2006, 03:49:41 AM

What is the Crazy Bunch under in Weisser's book of lies? I can't seem to find it under "the crazy bunch".
I'm sure its Dick Luft in Sacremento aka Di Tressette Ce Ne Uno...Tutti Gli Altri Son Nessuno.Alessandro Alessandroni provides the musical score for this one whereas its Bruno Nicolai for Man Called Invincible.
  From the small taster i witnessed i wasn't in any hurry to watch this but i suppose i oughta if you're about to review it! :(


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on September 04, 2006, 12:15:51 PM

  From the small taster i witnessed i wasn't in any hurry to watch this but i suppose i oughta if you're about to review it! :(


I'm not reviewing it any time soon. I said I saw the first ten minutes with all intention of seeing the whole thing but it was so bad I turned it off.


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on September 05, 2006, 05:30:18 AM
I'm not reviewing it any time soon. I said I saw the first ten minutes with all intention of seeing the whole thing but it was so bad I turned it off.
Lightweight! ;D
Hey i managed to endure 30 MINUTES of both Gods Gun AND Boot Hill before having to turn those off ;)


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: The Firecracker on September 05, 2006, 07:59:09 AM
Lightweight! ;D
Hey i managed to endure 30 MINUTES of both Gods Gun AND Boot Hill before having to turn those off ;)

I've managed to watch "God's Gun" numerous times... so HA!

It honestly is'nt that bad.

Boot Hill is another matter however :-\


Title: Re: Reviews of the crappiest spaghetti westerns around.
Post by: Banjo on September 06, 2006, 09:05:40 AM
I've managed to watch "God's Gun" numerous times... so HA!
I'm not worthy! :'( ;D