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Author Topic: And now.. IT'S.. MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS  (Read 8083 times)
Beebs
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« on: November 22, 2005, 08:32:11 PM »

Ah, the funniest group of misfits ever to come together in one   spam resturaunt. What are some of your favorite skits?

I hope to hear from some of our Tommys out there.\


No one expects the spanish inquisition!

He's a lumberjack and he's OK he sleeps all night and he works all day

This isn't a argument you're merely contradicting me.

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« Reply #1 on: November 23, 2005, 01:40:24 AM »

The Ministry of Funny Walks -

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« Reply #2 on: November 23, 2005, 05:47:09 AM »

Bigus Dickus!!!

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« Reply #3 on: November 23, 2005, 05:48:32 AM »

Free Roderick!

We are the Knights that say Ni Ni Ni!

I fart in your general direction!

Thats no ordinary rabbit!

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« Reply #4 on: November 23, 2005, 07:35:40 AM »

All of the above so far. When I was a kid the "Bicycle Repair Man" sketch was a fave, along with the "more beans!" thing. Eric Idle's "Australian table wines" sketch still makes me laugh out loud, although it's dated very badly - I can't get enough of Aussie shiraz these days.

("Of the sparkling wines, the most famous is Perth Pink. This is a bottle with a message in, and the message is 'beware'. This is not a wine for drinking, this is a wine for laying down and avoiding.")

Although they wrote it for an earlier show, the Pythons made this their own, the Four Yorkshire men sketch:

Monty Python's Flying Circus -
"Four Yorkshiremen"

The Players:
Michael Palin - First Yorkshireman;
Graham Chapman - Second Yorkshireman;
Terry Jones - Third Yorkshireman;
Eric Idle - Fourth Yorkshireman;

The Scene:
Four well-dressed men are sitting together at a vacation resort.
'Farewell to Thee' is played in the background on Hawaiian guitar.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, very passable, that, very passable bit of risotto.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
Nothing like a good glass of Château de Chasselas, eh, Josiah?

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
You're right there, Obadiah.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Who'd have thought thirty year ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking Château de Chasselas, eh?
 
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
In them days we was glad to have the price of a cup o' tea.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
A cup o' cold tea.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Without milk or sugar.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Or tea.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
In a cracked cup, an' all.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Oh, we never had a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.
 
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Because we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, "Money doesn't buy you happiness, son".

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, 'e was right.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, 'e was.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
I was happier then and I had nothin'. We used to live in this tiny old house with great big holes in the roof.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
House! You were lucky to live in a house! We used to live in one room, all twenty-six of us, no furniture, 'alf the floor was missing, and we were all 'uddled together in one corner for fear of falling.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Eh, you were lucky to have a room! We used to have to live in t' corridor!

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Oh, we used to dream of livin' in a corridor! Would ha' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woke up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House? Huh.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Well, when I say 'house' it was only a hole in the ground covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a house to us.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
We were evicted from our 'ole in the ground; we 'ad to go and live in a lake.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
You were lucky to have a lake! There were a hundred and fifty of us living in t' shoebox in t' middle o' road.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Cardboard box?

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
You were lucky. We lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down t' mill, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week, and when we got home our Dad would thrash us to sleep wi' his belt.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at six o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of 'ot gravel, work twenty hour day at mill for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would thrash us to sleep with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Well, of course, we had it tough. We used to 'ave to get up out of shoebox at twelve o'clock at night and lick road clean wit' tongue. We had two bits of cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at mill for sixpence every four years, and when we got home our Dad would slice us in two wit' bread knife.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us and dance about on our graves singing Hallelujah.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
And you try and tell the young people of today that ..... they won't believe you.

ALL:
They won't!



« Last Edit: November 23, 2005, 04:05:35 PM by Juan Miranda » Logged

Beebs
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« Reply #5 on: November 23, 2005, 11:35:51 AM »

One of my favorites starts with Eric Idle at in court


My version of the script is not very accurate.

Judge: Well, do you have anything to say?

Eric: Wel I didn't mean to do it. I hope you don't have to take my freedom, all a man has is freedom and I have a wife and kids and well, Freedom is what makes the hard man humble ..... FREEDOM , FREEDOm freedom...

J: Its only a bloody parking citation

(John Cleese enters)

John: Sorry I'm late I couldn't find a Kosher deli. Carry on i'll pick up as you go along.

Judge: Call your first witness

John: I call Ms. Merriwether

Ms. M: I swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so anyway.. (gossips at high speeds)

(Two guards pick her up and carry her away)

Judge: call your next witness

John: I call Mr. Hollingsworth

(Guards bring in a coffin and set it on the stand)

Judge: what the hell is this??

John: My Lord?

Judge: you can't just bring a dead man in here for cross examination!

John: Oh but he's not dead sir it's just a medical precaution. Mr. Hollingsworth I put it to you that you saw the crime.

(*Knock*)

Judge; what was that?

John: oh, one knock means yes two means no. Mr. Hollingsworth I put it to you that you are not well.

(no answer)

John: Mr. H are you dead or are you merely considering the question?

(No answer, John walks up opens the coffin and looks. Walks to the other end of the coffin and looks.)

John: No further questions my Lord.


next witness is the French cardinal impersonating Petula Clark. He is wearing a red cloak and a microphone.

French Cardinal: Thank you thank you, it is so wonderful to be back in your country, you are beautiful people.

(suddenly Inspector Dim walks in looking like Holmes and smoking a pipe)

All: ah, its inpectro Dim

Dim: Thats right! I have a few questions for our French cardinal. (he questions him that he is actually dead because he lived in teh 14th century)

FC: Curse you inpector Dim, you are too clever for the likes of me.

Dim; No no don't thank me good citizens, it is all in a day's work for Inspector Dim.

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« Reply #6 on: November 23, 2005, 04:17:34 PM »

NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!!!!!

MONTY PYTHON RULES!!!!

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« Reply #7 on: November 23, 2005, 04:50:29 PM »

The dead Parrot sketch.

and " He's not the messiah...he's a very naughty boy!!"

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Beebs
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« Reply #8 on: November 24, 2005, 10:03:24 AM »

THis parrot is dead, deceased, killed, no longer alive, stiff, he is pushing up daisies....

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Beebs
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« Reply #9 on: November 24, 2005, 10:31:49 AM »

I found the real line for the Dead Parrot


 It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker.This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot. 

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« Reply #10 on: November 25, 2005, 10:11:35 AM »

The Arguement Clinic, The Architect.
"What did the Romans ever do for us?"

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« Reply #11 on: November 25, 2005, 10:28:39 AM »

You gotta imagine the French accent here...........

--"You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts."

--" Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of silly persons!"

--" I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."

Sir Galahad: "Is there someone else up there we could talk to?"

--" No, now go away before I taunt you a second time." 

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« Reply #12 on: November 25, 2005, 11:31:33 AM »

Beebs, it may be worth trying to track down the versions recorded for LPs of Monty Python shows and collections (they can be had on CD.) Most are just re-treads of the shows sketches but my dad gave them to me for Christmas last year and I very much enjoyed them.

Ok heres two more comedys for you to perhaps try. Do you like Red Dwarf? Or Mystery Science Thatre 3000? I love these shows!

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« Reply #13 on: November 25, 2005, 12:43:14 PM »

Australian Table Wines

The Players:
Eric Idle - Wine Expert;
The Scene:
Soft introduction music plays .....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WINE EXPERT:
A lot of people in this country pooh-pooh Australian table wines. This is a pity as many fine Australian wines appeal not only to the Australian palate but also to the cognoscenti of Great Britain.

Black Stump Bordeaux is rightly praised as a peppermint flavoured Burgundy, whilst a good Sydney Syrup can rank with any of the world's best sugary wines.

Château Blue, too, has won many prizes; not least for its taste, and its lingering afterburn.

Old Smokey 1968 has been compared favourably to a Welsh claret, whilst the Australian Wino Society thoroughly recommends a 1970 Coq du Rod Laver, which, believe me, has a kick on it like a mule: 8 bottles of this and you're really finished. At the opening of the Sydney Bridge Club, they were fishing them out of the main sewers every half an hour.

Of the sparkling wines, the most famous is Perth Pink. This is a bottle with a message in, and the message is 'beware'. This is not a wine for drinking, this is a wine for laying down and avoiding.

Another good fighting wine is Melbourne Old-and-Yellow, which is particularly heavy and should be used only for hand-to-hand combat.

Quite the reverse is true of Château Chunder, which is an appellation contrôlée, specially grown for those keen on regurgitation; a fine wine which really opens up the sluices at both ends.

Real emetic fans will also go for a Hobart Muddy, and a prize winning Cuivre Reserve Château Bottled Nuit San Wogga Wogga, which has a bouquet like an aborigine's armpit. 

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Beebs
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« Reply #14 on: November 27, 2005, 08:40:04 AM »

LA, Never enen heard of them sorry to say. I am thinking about getting the Monty Python's F C season 1 for my Dad.

Here's another Holy Grail favorite,

I told you, we;re a self governing commune. Every week we elect an officer as sort of a superior officer of the week. And all the descisions of the officer have to be approved by a two thirds majority vote....

Shut up I am your king

well I didn't vote for ya.

You dont vote for kings

wel howd you become king then?

The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad is shimmering daylight, held aloft Excalibur signifying by divine providence that I Arthur was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am you king.

Oh you cant expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.

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